fly on the wall

nothing fits me anymore, i'm freakin HUGE and i'm so sick of wearing the same maternity clothes, day in and day out. the other night I was to tired and wore a t-shirt that I could wear two months ago with my pj's and honestly it was a belly shirt gone horribly wrong. the hubs took one look at me and laughed. that BAD but I didn't change because i'm to the point that I just don't care anymore. I never thought I would get to that point either but i'm totally there.

I had an ultra sound done yesterday to see how the baby is growing due to the medication that I am on for my SVT it can cause the baby to not grow so they had to be sure she's "ok", well I could tell them that she is, as I stated above i'm huge and all along i've been measuring a couple of weeks ahead of what I should be or the "normal". well guess what, she's at about 7 pounds already and I still have 5 weeks to go! the ultrasound tech was all smug like "guess you won't be needing much for newborn stuff" and "I am betting on about 9 pounds". I wanted to take that little wand thingy that they rub on your belly and wack him in the head.

insensitive ass

on a side note from what i've googled, they can typically be two pounds off, so i'm hoping to god she's really only 5 pounds in there...

I thought I was waddling before, well, that was nothing compared to now. I feel like the baby is going to fall right out of my vagina at any moment. imagine walking around like that, go ahead try (for those of you who have been pregnant before i'm sure you know what I am talking about) try it, I bet you CAN'T!

and my feet, omg my feet I can't stand on them for longer than 5 minutes at a time without them hurting and screaming at me "GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME NOW YOU HEAVY COW!"

I have a crush on Justin Bieber

yeah, sad I know but he's so gosh darn cute...

i'm so going to jail or hell

i'll just blame it on hormones

another guilty pleasure is the t.v. show the Vampire Diaries, I was really expecting this show to be so cheesy and a Twilight rip off, but it's actually not that bad. ok, no it is sort of bad really, maybe that's why I watch? I dunno but I can't get enough. and the evil vampire brother totally steals the show

can you believe that October is almost over!?

where the hell has that gone?

i'm starting to wig out, like really, me a mom

really???

I really don't think i'm ready for this life curve ball, you get so cushy and comfy in your normal every day routine and that's all going to change. I think my main problem is that I just can't invision what life will be like once she is here, sure I know it's going to be plain hell for the first 6 weeks, no sleep, diaper changes, feedings, no time for me what gets me is the "joy", "love" everyone talks about that they instantly feel once there child is born. what if I don't have this? what if I look at her and think "it's so not worth it"?? what if I don't love her right away? what if I think she is ugly??

these are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, along with the annual nightly kickings and moving arounds

what's your bet?

honestly, I feel like a frickin race horse or something..

everyone is placing bids as to when I am going to have this kid

my "actual" due date is November 24th

I'll know more after today as I have another pre-natal apponitment as to whether or not they are talking induction so that will screw this all to hell, or I can keep it a secret and not tell when that will be.

the hubs thinks that I won't last through October and is claiming it's going to be a Halloween baby

my mom is saying I'll go early too, but I can't remember what she or even if she picked a date, but early November anyways.

so what do you think?

the wicked witch is dead!

you may or may not recall that the hubs and I had purchased my grandmother's property (which is adjacent to ours) last year (sure I could be all cool and put a link up, but I don't roll like that) and to be honest I thought we would be stuck with it forever, especially after the last people screwed us over royally. but as of October 9th, it's not ours anymore!!

it's gone

SOLD

done and good riddance!

a Dutch family of 5 (who has 5 kids now-a-days?!) actually bought and paid for it, and were extremely happy and excited to buy/move in. frankly, I thought it was a hovel myself but with some hard work and $$ that the hubs and I do not have it could be a good house again. I haven't written anything here about it cuz I didn't want to jinx it but now that they have signed the paper work and actually moved in, I sort of can't really believe it. sure it's going to be sort of shitty having neighbors again, but it's such a huge relief and such a weight/stress has been lifted from my shoulders

in other news

I've been having frequent braxton hicks or at least I hope to god it's braxton hicks, it's too early for her to come yet (I'M NOT READY!) yesterday was the worst yet, very crampy with sharp pains and then I also had diarrhea, not cool, especially when it's Thanksgiving and you are visiting family and ingesting not one, but TWO turkey dinners within 2 hrs of each other

sigh

I have such a rough life, I tell ya

over and out for now I lost my energy burst

*UPDATE* so I did go to the hospital yesterday just to be sure (at my mother's persistence) and it IS Braxton Hicks (which I so knew it was) but still it was scary being hooked up onto the stress test and worrying that I was in early labour, thankfully i'm not (yet) but the Dr. told me to take it easy and try my best to get to 36 weeks cuz she CANNOT come out before then. so i'm sitting here with a dirty house trying very hard to restrain myself from vacuuming the floor which scary as it sounds is VERY hard for me but so not worth the consequences

Glee - Single Ladies (Football Team Dance) 09/23/09

I've been meaning to post this for awhile (well @ least since it was first aired which was a couple of weeks ago). I laughed so hard I was crying, and then I think I peed a little but that's just cuz I pee ALL the time and sometimes I just can't control it (it's entirely the babies fault)

n'ways

I am LOVING everything about this show. its so off the wall, out of the blue funny and DIFFERENT. sure a lot of it wouldn't happen in real life (like what guy would be so dumb to think you can get a girl pregnant without even having sex??) but I think that is just part of Glee's appeal, you get away from your "norm" for an hour of entertainment.

my fav's or better yet the people that make the show are the cheerleading coach, the principal and, Kurt (I hate to refer to him as the gay guy, that sounds so crude, so he's the Kicker above) and oh yeah let's not forget the hottie with the mohawk.

if you aren't watching this show YOU need to be, trust me

baby room completed!

baby flea's room pics

cuz I have no life and i'm going out of my mind with boredom today, I picked up my piece of junk camera (i'm sooo upgrading before baby comes), I thought I would snap some pics of the babies room of what I have so far and do a before and after once I paint (I finally decided on colors, so hopefully the hubs will paint this weekend)

this is as you first walk in, that's the diaper stacker/holder

mobile and the two colors I am going to paint. doing the long wall in the dark purple and the rest in the beige/tan

front of the crib

car seat (we practice with curious george) & bassinet

change table

belly shot, yes it's blury as hell but it was the best out of the lot

and lastly and most importantly....

wardrobe!!

32 wks this week, only 8 more to go!

warblings

not much to report my friends, my life has become so bland and boring I put myself to sleep all the time. can't remember if I told you that I was put off work or not, in fact I can hardly remember this morning, each day blends into the last. it's rather depressing really and I may possibly go insane.

this is what I have picked out for baby flea's bedding/room theme, except the room will be done in a lilac purple color

i've also been overcome with "nesting" aka cleaning or just plain rummaging with something. my reasoning is that I won't be able to do it once the baby is here, so i've been re-arranging rooms, cleaning closets, doing laundry galore, you name it i've probably done it in the past couple of weeks.

I didn't watch the Emmy's, but I have to ask does anyone even watch Mad Men or money or what-ever that show is? cuz I never have...just sayin....

I'm feeling very rotund, sort of like this...

and I cannot possible imagine that I am going to get even bigger but sadly that's the fact and there isn't anything I can do about it.

two months to go people

9 weeks

64 days - at least until my due date, I hope to GOD that this little one arrives on time like her mama and that I don't go over

our friends wedding was beautiful, I took maybe 5 pics and then my camera died. I so wanted to get a pic of myself and the hubs (who looked quite sexy in his tuxedo) but, didn't happen cuz my camera is a piece of shit.

and that's all I got for now - peace out

Dirty Dancing - Time of my Life (Final Dance) - High Quality

in memory of my first "man" crush, I'll never forget watching this movie over and over, and OVER again with my sister and never getting enough

nobody puts baby in a corner

well Patrick nobody ever put you in a corner either, and you will never be forgotten. my heart goes out to your wife and family

~rest in peace~

skittles are good for you

I've never been a what you would call "healthy" eater, i'm a carb-a-holic and I openly admit that. I have no qualms facing the music, but since being pregnant and hearing CONSTANTLY "wow you are HUGE" and then hearing the Dr. say "you are measuring 3 wks ahead" (aka BIG baby)...really takes it's toll on a person. i've become even more self consensus during these oh 7 months, I try to eat a apple and incorporate veggies but it's hard (did I also mention i'm a picky eater?) and i've gained probably in the area of 25 pounds so far and I still have 10 weeks to go....

sure i'm pregnant and I shouldn't care about the excess weight - but I DO! It's going to have to come off at some point and my even bigger issue is that I don't want to have a big baby.

stupid I know

but there I said it

and some of you know I worry about everything so I am constantly thinking or dwelling on this

oh

and it so didn't help matters yesterday when the in-laws were here to watch the DVD of the 3D ultrasound and having my mother-in-law say "you need to go on a diet"

I

was

speechless

UGH!

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in other news, I was put off of work - THANK GOD but sort of not in the way I had intended...

I haven't mentioned it here, but I have always (since I can remember) had a condtion where my heart would do what I call "palpate" aka go really fast and I would just brush it off and sometimes it would stop in a few minutes other times it would last quite awhile. I was diagnosed when I was a kid and knew a few tricks to help stop them when they occured. so no big deal right??

well not exactly

since I've been pregnant they happen A LOT more frequently, before they may happen once every 3-4 months if that (usually caffeine triggers it so I would avoid that, god I miss diet coke...), like i'm talking at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. at first I did what I always did, I brushed it off, sometimes I could get it to stop, other times, not. then my mom just randomly mentions one day that it may become an issue during labour, what if my heart has what I call an "episode" during labour, or when I need to push? and then I realized it isn't just ME that I have to worry about any more, it can't be good for the baby when these "episodes" happen and I was also really concerned about my heart during labour. so I mention it to the Dr. this was back in June I believe.

the months go by and nothing is being done

finally last month I was able to be hooked up to a heart monitor for 24hrs, and of course I don't have an "episode" the entire time (which I soooo knew would happen).

anyways, long story short I went to work on Tuesday the 8th and I was having an "episode" so I thought well i'm here the ER was quiet, why not just ask to be hooked up to the monitor to see how fast my heart was going.

it was going 192 - the normal rate is under 100

so I was whisked away in a wheel chair (they wouldn't even let me walk), hooked up to monitors, had an IV inserted and basically had the shit scared out of me. I never fully realized how serious that this could be, like I said I always just dealt with it and brushed it off, stupid probably but that's what I did. at it's highest point it was 234 beats per minute. major wake up call. baby flea is fine, I now have to take medication to help keep it under control and i'm also lined up to see specialists, both OBS and Cardiologists. the exact medical term of what I have is called supra ventricular tachycardia (SVT). and me being a google whore, had to google it and discovered that most people with this do end up having C-sections, while there are a few cases where they deliver vaginally with no problems. I really don't want to have a section which is weird because before I was ever pregnant I was like "I so want a c-section if I ever have kids", and now I totally don't. funny how things change like that

enough about that for now

the big wedding is tomorrow!! I booked myself a pamper day and I'm getting my hair and nails done, which I think I totally deserve after such a stressful week. I may or may not post a pic of me in my dress all done up or not (depending on how much of a whale I look like)

happy friday everyone

It's a....

GIRL!!!!!!!!

HOLY fracking leg cramps!

so isn't it bad enough that i'm up every 1-1/2 hrs to pee, or change sleeping positions because my hips hurt from all the "weight" i'm carrying, on top of all THAT I get leg cramps like you would not believe

in fact a friend warned me that she had them and I just brushed it off like ah they probably weren't that bad

well, let me tell you

pain unlike anything I have EVER had before and it doesn't instantly go away, in fact I half thought that my leg would remain locked (and when I say locked I mean it's locked, like rigid, solid cannot move) in this excruciating pain for the rest of my life, so then you panic and my eyes are watering and i'm rolling around on the bed in agony, panicking and then its gone as fast as it appeared leaving me to wonder when the next one will hit....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I got my hair done yesterday and I hate it, well, no that's not right I just hate everything about myself lately

my boobs are leaking colostrum already - woke up the other morning and the hubs was like what is one your shirt, didn't even know it happened or better yet didn't know that that could happen

still working hopefully not for much longer, so want to be done, tired of it all physically and mentally and terrified that I could get H1N1 aka swine flu. it kills pregnant people! esp. if they are in the 3rd trimester - which I am!! paranoid much, check

can you believe it's September already? like where did August go?????

i'm going on Saturday to have a 3D ultrasound done of baby flea, cannot wait to actually see his/her face and to know for sure what we are having

I also need to find a dress to haul my pregnant ass into for the hubs bestest buds wedding the following weekend, so wish me luck on that cuz i'm sure i'm going to need it....

other than that it's business as usual for me - aka not a whole lot :P

check ya later!

where has the time gone?

six years ago today I (at 23) took the plunge and got married, not knowing that there would be hard times and many goods times ahead. it's been a journey and more importantly, we've done it together.

love you babe

Happy 6th Anniversary!

bloody hell it's HOT

well, we have had possibly the crappiest summer on record (aka rain every damn day thru June & July, I think we had 7 or 9 days without rain in July alone...) but alas the past week has made up for it. it has been hot, sunny and just beautiful, which is fine as long as I plant myself in or beside my parents pool. if i'm not there i'm not happy. cannot handle the heat. this is new to me, I could always handle the heat. well not no more. as you can see carrying a basketball (ahem child) can do that to a person

25 wks (5 days, almost 26 wks)

amongst other things, like peeing yourself without you even knowing (mind you it's not a lot, but still it just dribbles out without control)

I have a double chin

I can't even walk to the end of my driveway to get the mail without becoming short of breath and thinking I may keel over and die

i'm starting to panic as I only have about 3 months left to go, where the hell has the time gone? and how the hell can I possibly get any bigger?

sigh

OMFG i just counted out the "actual" days left til my due date and it's 99, that's under 100!!!!

and how would you take it if someone (actually A LOT of people) tell you that you look healthy?? would you take it as a compliment? or would you be offended as that is basically the friendly way of someone saying that you are GINORMOUS

and if one more ONE more person says - are you sure there aren't twins in there. i swear to god the Apocalypse is going to happen

other than being extremely hot and sweaty, I feel great. I have some nights where I can't get comfortable and sleep poorly but other than that i'm doing just swell as can be for someone not quite 7 months pregnant but looks 8-9 months...

sigh

99 bottles of beer on the wall....

hmmm

well i'm at work again, and while I don't want to complain or jinx it so that I will be crazy busy let's just say that it is going very, veeerrrryyy slowly.

but again

i'm not complaining

cuz I would rather sit on my ass than be busy

so what's new...

well it has finally warmed up and we've had a "few" sunny days in my parts (finally) this has to be the worst summer EVER

also enjoyed some much needed time with my sissy as she has been home for the past week (is now gone :( again)

i've been eating like a hungry hippo (seriously) and in fact gained 8 pounds in one month @ my last prenatal visit, which was shocking but really up until this point i've only put on 2-3 pounds a month, i just hope next month isn't quite as bad...

some foods that i've been loving:

BBQ Ruffles and or Plain Ruffles (to DIE for)
strawberry shortcake
bbq'd steak (mmmmm)
Skor icecream by Breyers (yummy)
still lovin the freezes

and ya that's enough talk about food cuz now i'm hungry....

what else have I got??

ummm

i'm really disappointed in SYTYCD this season, there is just nobody that I am loving, you know like how I loved Twitch or Will last year. it's just meh. and I cannot stand Evan and i'm sure he's totally going to win. I would like to see Jeanine win but that's just my opinion. and the 100th episode show where Katie Holmes did her little piece - omg was so bad like beyond bad and hello if it was pre-recorded at least she could've sang live...ugh it was a lot of hype for NOTHING

I can't really get into Big Brother this year either...

and that's all I got a few bits about reality t.v and food

pretty sad really

catch ya later :P

quickie

well i'm at work on a 3 day stretch (stuck on day 2) and had a moment to think well I should blog about that and so here I am

i'm finding working more difficult of course it doesn't help when my job is mostly physical and extremely tiring and just plain hard work. I can't go and go like I used to, i'm noticing the 1st thing to go is my back, then my feet and then i'm just plain tired and that's only usually 3-4 hrs into my shift. i'm going to cut back though as I have been lifting on heavy stuff that I prob shouldn't be and frankly the way I felt when I left here last night I could have cried (then I laid awake all night with aches and pains) so i'm not doing it anymore it's so not worth it

i also noticed yesterday that I now waddle

I always thought to myself well I will never walk like that when i'm pregnant, well guess what you have no say what-so-ever in that matter, it's like your body has a mind of it's own

i've also lost my belly button, i don't know how that's even possible but it's happened. it's just gotten flatter and flatter and what do you know GONE, well not entirely and god I hope I don't get one of those protruding belly buttons but i'm sure that is BOUND to happen too.....

and the peeing

ugh

you think you have to go sooooo bad and then when you take all the effort to haul your gigantic ass out of bed (doesn't help when your back is screaming at you) there's only a tiny dribble. i think I may take up permanent residence on the toilet, i mean you can sleep there can't you??

I had my ultra sound last week, thankfully i'm not carrying twins, despite the fact that every person I run into seems to think so...

or that my dates are totally wrong, surely i'm further along than what I am cuz i'm so huge

well guess what i'm not ppl she's just measuring long, cuz she's tall like her daddy. so back off. mmm kay

also survived and passed my sugar testing which I was DREADING and actually it was so not bad at all, I had heard horror stories about how awful the drink was and frankly I didn't mind it at all and frankly I don't know why I was so stressed and worried about it but i'm glad it's over and done

and that's all I got - peace out :P

picture time!

20 wks 5 days (almost 21 wks)

i should've stayed in bed...

you know how some days you wake up and know that you should lay in bed ALL day and just chill?

our weather here in my neck of the woods has been pure shit rain for the last 3 weeks and it won't be letting up anytime soon, so this morning was just like any other morning it was raining and better yet starting to thunder quite badly in the distance and I of course am awake at 5:00 am and cannot get back to sleep (suffering from insomnia lately which is a whole other post), i'm laying there my body is aching (esp. my bum knee prob from all this GD rain) and work calls, which they never do and I think well I might as well get up and do something and better yet make some $$

worst idea of my life ever

1st of all I couldn't shower cuz it is thundering like a mofo, which isn't too bad but it would have at least woken me up, I mean sure it's been a few days but I don't smell (at least I don't think I do....) and who the hell do I have to impress anyways....?? so off I go

I drag my sorry ass ALL day long, cannot seem to shake being sleepy and tired and frankly the bags under my eyes are probably harvesting little creatures they are that deep. seriously

oh, I forgot to mention that my dog Zoey is terrified of thunder and lightning and she so did not want me to leave which I felt terribly guilty about doing and also knowing, knowing in the back of my mind that I would arrive home to a mess on the floor (aka pee or poop which I would have to clean up cuz the hubs is a wuss). so one dog was out to do his business and the other wasn't. just had to get that in here...

ok 2nd mistake was eating 2, yes 2 (I was hungry) hot dogs from the evil cafeteria @ the hospital. at the time they were so good, and yummy. not so much later

so I finally finish work, exhausted beyond words I was supposed to get groceries after work but the thought of doing that made me want to weep, so I scratched that off my to do list and proceeded right to going and eating greasy french fries & deep fried chicken (mistake #3), while eating my supper/lunch I encounter the first bowel spasm. not good. not sure if I haven't talked about it before but I hate to go to public washrooms unless I really, really have to, especially if it's #2 so I brush it off knowing i'm heading straight home and finish my meal as quickly as possible. I should note that I live about 25 min away. this was the most excruciating drive of my life ever. I don't know how I didn't shit myself, i don't know how I managed to drive with severe bowel spasms rocking my body every 5 minutes. at one point I was almost ready to pull over and just go on the side of the road. the whole time i'm thinking just pull over and go but I just can't. I finally make it home run inside literally doubled over and just make it to the bathroom noting on my way inside that yes the dog did indeed piss on the floor in fact I have the river Nile in my hallway but I DON'T CARE

i'll spare the details but will use this one word EXPLOSIVE

that's all you need to know

well that and I managed to plug the toilet

I let the dogs outside (finally) poor things i'm such a terrible bad mother (this kid really doesn't have a hope in hell), go to the 2nd bathroom (avoiding the pee which is everywhere) and go to the bathroom AGAIN. change out of work clothes and proceed to bathroom #1 with the plugged toilet to un-plug it, which frankly I have no clue how to do "properly" and thus ended up splashing my own poo poo onto myself.

argh

finish unplugging the toilet and change into yet another pair of pants avoiding the pee yet again

as I was leaving my room for oh now the 3rd time I thought I had avoided the pee but I guess I didn't cuz the next thing I know I am on the floor right dab in the middle of the freakin puddle on my ass

told ya I should've stayed in bed didn't I

I changed yet again and somehow managed to clean up the remainder of the pee that I didn't land in without throwing up (it was close, holy hell it stank) I think the only reason I didn't puke was that would be yet another mess to clean and I was having no more of that....

honestly, I think I was more traumatized from slipping and falling in the pee more than anything but as the cramps continued on and on and on I than began to worry about my little flea inside of me. thankfully i'm fine today (now a day later), baby is fine but the next time I have the feeling to stay in bed all day I think that's exactly what I'll do

Introducing....

Alexander Mark

born June 27, 2009

10.07 lbs

He's HERE!!!!!

isn't he just the cutest thing!! of course i'm a dumb ass and forgot my own camera so this is one I took from a friend and I just thought it was soooo sweet. I love everything about him, of course he is a chubby monkey (which is nice as i'm not so scared to hold him, which is weird...normally i'm terrified to hold a baby) weighing in at 10 pounds and miss jilly is a super star or super woman cuz she delivered him vaginally! imagine! actually, no I don't want to......and he has red/blond hair (which you can't see cuz of the hat, hope to get one soon to show you)

sigh this just makes me soooo happy and I could look at him all day

welcome to the world Alexander and I can't wait to watch you grow, and grow

sweat and stretch marks

i have never in my life, EVER minded the summer heat and humidity, well I do now. holy hell i'm hot and clammy and sticky and sweating like a mofo, there is literally a river running through my now plumper fuller breasts (which sag and lie on my upper most fat roll which also sweats), I should probably wear a bra all the time now but I hate to when I'm just home lounging and did I mention that I'm hot and any extra clothing would just make me hotter. I think I may consider becoming a nudist, although i'm sure it wouldn't be a pretty sight....

I also discovered my first stretch marks on my above mentioned breasts at first I thought it was just creases from my shirt (I just woke up) but sadly no, they didn't fade away, still there. I think I cried a little and i'm sure they are only the beginning even though I religiously lather myself in lotion that is supposed to enhance my skin's elasticity. well at least I smell nice

in other news, miss jilly has yet to have her baby and will be induced tomorrow so let's all keep her in our thoughts and prayers and hope for a good delivery and healthy, happy baby. I can't wait to meet him!!

giggle fits

oh boy, i have had a few giggle fits in my day but lately due to all the hormones raging through my body I have been averaging at least once a week if not more and some of them like the other night occur at the oddest times

and I mean these are full on, hardcore fits, like laugh until your sides hurt, tears (literally gushes of water) streaming from my eyes and i'm left gasping for air, i'm sure I look like either

a) someone having a epileptic fit (i mean no offense to anyone who has seizures..)
b) some crazy wacked out lady whose high on acid or whatever drug and will soon have the munchies..
c) someone having an allergic reaction (my face gets beat red)
d) all of the above

n'ways

the 1st time this happened I was shopping in Sears with my mom and Jilly who can literally pop her baby boy out any day (this was a few weeks ago), now I dunno what it is about Sears but I hate this store in fact we all hate it, but every time we shop we end up in there like a bad dream. perhaps it is the dreary gloomy dank lighting or the lazy clerks who never want to help you and so painfully ring you in ever so slowly or it may be all the 100's of different perfumes they have on hand, i just cannot stand this store.

so here we are in the ladies section (again) as jilly needs to get a nursing bra and my mom (who is on the shorter side) somehow manages to back into a clothing rack driving the rack into her back. not really funny right, in fact I should have been concerned about whether or not she was truly hurt but something about the look on her face as it happened and the way she grabbed her neck set me off

I was so gone, i burst out laughing and could not stop

time laughing 10 min at least and then I still had the giggles the entire time in the store

and then the weird case happend

I took to laughing during sex

yes, that's right you read it right. right dab in the middle of having sex I took the fits and could not stop

like what the hell

honestly

so other than having lot's of giggle fits and receiving more and more comments about my ever expanding waistline, not much else is new. I recently signed and started an on-line course which lasts for 6 wks and hopefully will snag me a much better job than what i'm currently doing, so keep your fingers crossed

other than that I got nothing! hope everyone else is doing fine

latest and greatest

no I haven't fallen off the face of the earth (again) just haven't felt much like blogging of late

still nothing really new and exciting other than I'm sporting a larger belly, which has grown drastically the last couple of weeks. (15 weeks this week!!!)

so far I have encountered the following sayings repeatably and i'm sure it is only going to get worse but every time I hear one of these I want to scream:

How are you feeling? - ok, I know you mean well but how the hell do you think i'm feeling? I feel like shit, i'm tired, i'm cranky and oh yeah i've gained 5+ pounds nothing fits anymore and I want to CRY ALL THE TIME. i say none of this though I just smile and nod

Are you excited? - no, not really because I am in DENIAL. again, smile and nod

When are you due? - November, to which they smile look at my every protruding belly and say, oh??! WTF then they usually say are you sure there is only one in there? like c'mon how freaking RUDE can a person be and as another pregnant friend has informed me this only gets WORSE, that and they resort to patting your belly. if some stranger pats my belly I will attempt to hit them or throw something at them

Do you want to know what it is? - well I sure as hell hope it's not an alien (which I think it sort of is..) and I always hesitate on this one because you either say "yes" to which you get the following response of "well I wouldn't want to know, your ruining the surprise" or if you say no you get the opposite of "well, it would make it so much easier to buy things". so I just smile and nod at this too and walk away

people probably think i'm deaf, dumb or whatever but I don't care

and I just lost my energy burst

think i'll have a nap

catch up with u all later :P

[HD] No Doubt- Hella Good (Live At Ellen Show 05/19/2009)

I LOVE me some No Doubt and I have, HAVE to see them this summer when the go on tour, regardless of the fact that I will be however many months pregnant I have to be there. I have loved this band since the beginning before they blew up and hit the roof and have not stopped since. and I have a love/hate realtionship with Gwen as I wish I could be her, she's cool, hip, stylish and the girl next door all in one (and she is married to Gavin Rossdale whom I also LOVED in the 90's)

so here's a snipet of them on Ellen the other day just to tease me and get me even more excited about the tour this summer

one no two words GRANNY PANTIES!

sigh

oh the lows one has to face while pregnant


i finally got to go shopping for some much needed new clothes (ahem maternity) this past weekend in Bangor, Maine. and let me say AMEN for maternity clothes it's so nice to have clothes fit and better yet to be comfortable.


anyways in my haste at the cash register to pay for my wonderful, comfy new clothes I happened to notice a display of panties and thought yeah i'm probably due for some of these too and i don't know if I had a blond moment or just couldn't read or perhaps I was distracted by my grumbling stomach (which is ALWAYS hungry) which knew it was going to have a feast at Olive Garden shortly hereafter, either way I thought I grabbed the "lowrise boy short" kind and continued on my merry way.


well when I got home I soon discovered that I had purchased the wrong frigging kind, like way wrong. these things are so hideous and repulsive and BIG. sure when i'm 8-9 months pregnant they probably won't be but for right now the can stay hidden in the bottom of my pantie drawer. this really depresses me for some reason like farewell thongs hello granny panties!

UGH!

i'm on the cusp of a whole new world and it is TERRIFYING

and since i'm a lazy ass and haven't started a journal and may never get around to it thought i would track or write some of the things i've been craving, feeling, etc

freezes - omg i cannot get enough of these and i'm sure they are so bad for me (umm can you say sugar) but one word yummy!

i've been super nauseous and sicky poo the last few weeks, hoping now that i'm at 12 weeks to be on the other side of this....

i'm 12 weeks pregnant!

that is sooooo wrong and weird and exciting all in one

sometimes i don't feel or think i'm pregnant

then i see the already growing bump and it goes away

i can and could sleep ALL day

not sure if this is part of pregnancy but i'm blaming it on it anyways, but my memory is like, non existant at this point. for example I had to work the weekend, didn't have anything to eat for supper so I stopped at Subway and being the good girl that I am I picked up a chocolate milk instead of a Diet Coke drove not even 5 min down the road, get out of car to go to work, then proceed to work for 30+ min before I realized that I left the stupid choc milk in the car

I would do or give anything to have clear skin again, thankfully it hasn't spread to my face but everywhere else, mainly my poor back is peppered in zits. ewwww

I'm freaking out thinking that my baby will be handicapped in some way is that normal? or that he/she will be ugly and I know that comes across as being very vain but what if I have the kid with the big ears or nose?

i think i bit off more than I could chew...

say what

what the hell was the U.S gov't thinking when the decided that creating a "photo op" of a plane near the statue of liberty??? like really was this such a great idea. do they not realize that seeing a plane that low and near buildings and landmarks that people would freak out (reasonably so). TOTALLY STUPID people, like beyond DUH

the swine flu - i'm terrified and think the end of the world is coming. seriously

the weather in my neck of the woods has been so beautiful and warm the last few days. spring is finally, FINALLY here, in fact it is almost humid/muggy here today. LOVE IT

had the privilege of watching the "birthing video" last night in prenatal class and really it's you know shocking but what got me the most was the ladies vajayjay hair. OMG it was so long and bushy you could braid it. so gross. and how embarrassing. i will NOT let it get that bad in fact I informed my husband that once i'm to the point that I cannot see it anymore he will have to trim it for me. sure I get the fact that when i'm that far gone in labour i probably won't give a damn but ewwww I don't want long bushy hair down there EVER. i just vomited in my mouth thinking about it, can you imagine how it would smell (shudders)

moving on

I also finally got my shrieky eyebrows waxed the other day and they look so much better, also got my hair did and while it is a little on the short side i'm sure it will grow in like a day. i may or may not take a pic and post it here

Idol is on tonite!!

Lost 100th episode is tomorrow night can't wait to see what happens

yes my life revovles around t.v

sad isn't it

ho hum

I've been sort of "blue" or "down in the dumps" as they say, not exactly sure why just feel shitty. sure it's probably hormones or some other pregnancy related thing but why can't it just go away. aren't pregnant woman supposed to be happy and glowey?

n'ways

I'm sick of working, more precisely i'm sick of working like every freakin weekend. not that I even do anything on weekends anymore, but still nothing irks me more than seeing someone write on crackbook "TGIF" well it isn't for me you f*@%!

I'm also sick of being bloated, like wtf? and on a sadder note I can no longer button my one and only pair of jeans and have thus resorted to wearing jogging pants 24/7. the only plus to this is that I never leave me house so thank god nobody sees me

I thought April is supposed to be warm and springy. well it isn't. i'm frickin freezing ALL the time, and on Easter it snowed here

I miss my sissy

how awsome is the show Fringe? and better yet, how freakin HOT is Joshua Jackson??? you must watch this show if you haven't and if you are into a show half Grey's/CSI cuz it's a combination of something like that but with a kick of the X-files too. so good

i need a hobby - anyone got anything that I could take up?

and that's about it, or at least all I got for now

peace out :P

i'm noticing

an increase in my breast size. like holy TITTIES. I've never had much in the boob department and to finally, FINALLY have cleavage after all these years to say it is impressive is an understatement. it almost brings me to tears. mind u i could do without the tenderness and sometimes sore nipples but it's soooo worth it (at least right now)

my waist has thickened some already and I'm already having to unbutton my one pair of jeans when I sit down (this is not so cool)

nausea - check

thank god no vomiting (yet)

and lastly, this may be gross to some people but I smell different you know down "there" and yes there is even stuff coming out. i could do without this too

enough on that subject

moving on

I totally need a new do and I am counting down the days until I have an appt with my hairdresser but everyone keeps saying pregnant women SHOULD NOT CUT THERE HAIR well at least not a short drastic cut but I need to do something, I mean I am hating my hair, it just feels nasty. It's dried out (i've deep conditioned it so many times I've lost count) and just feels so gross and nasty. part of me wants a cute chin length bob and the other part knows I should/need layers and keep my current length. I wish I could go tomorrow and have it done. guess i'll just have to suffer for another 2 weeks

and lastly I just have to bring up American Idol for a moment

I like Adam quite a bit, but really why all the hype about him? He's not that good/great and frankly I much prefer Allison over him. i. don't. get. it.

and I know it is really mean to make fun of handicapped people but I can't help but laugh a little while watching ________ (i so just forgot his name) umm the blind guy. last night was so akward and bad, i really think it's his night to go home

and that's all she wrote for another day

peace out

early stages yet

I'm only 6 wks along and already feel like it has been forever!

this has kicked my anxiety up another 5 levels and my mind will just not stop racing

1st there was the possibility that I may have a tubal pregnancy, which thankfully they don't think I have as the pregnancy hormone has increased a lot (all I can say is thank god I don't mind having blood work done), but I was having a lot of pain in my lower right side the week previous to when I found "out" and i'm grateful to have this behind me but still it was an extra stress and worry for me

2nd I have experienced spotting, not a lot but it scared me and I can't help but feel that this just isn't meant to be and that i am going to lose the baby. is that weird? I mean me as a mom, ohmygod!

and lastly I tripped and fell at work last week and it was weird, like for the first time it's not just about me anymore

this is a lot to take in and deal with

the books
the online websites
the terrifying fear of *gasp* labour
the changes in my body (already)

and it goes on and on

and on top of all that the neighbors from hell are moving out (long story short, they were renting to own or 2nd house, but have decided to back out and buy a different house), which i'm glad for it's been nothing but bad from the get go, but it's an extra stress that I just don't need right now.

I think i'll crawl back in bed and not come out for awhile

late breaking news

time for your 5 o'clock news update people and we miz flea flea's representatives have some sizzling new news to inform you of.

while we apologize for her recent lack of posts (again) she at least has a reasonable excuse this time (I wouldn't let her get away with it to often)

and no it doesn't have to do with Brad or Angelina or Jen and washisname myer or any celeb at all but it is life altering for her, in fact it is so huge she still hasn't come to terms with it all and thus left it to us to tell you.....




she's




PREGNANT!!


which explains A LOT

no wonder she's been so moody and grouchy and eating us out of house and home (HAHA)

poor flea flea doesn't know to be excited or if she wants to cry (in fact I think I hear her crying in the other room must be an "emotional" day). and honestly we only told a few people and already the whole county knows so we thought, well why not share it with our few blogger friends that we have left. Now don't go be telling her either that we told you, she's afraid that by everyone knowing that she will somehow magically lose the baby as soon as everyone knows (which would be awful) but whatev. what will be will be

so get prepared ya'll cuz i'm sure the next oh 9 months are going to be very interesting on here

peace out

miz flea flea's pps

another chapter closes..

yet another chapter of my life has closed

as (gasp) 30 approaches I cannot deny the fact that I'm getting older (even though I don't feel or act it at times). so today I decided to finally remove my belly button ring that I have had for over 10 years because really who am I kidding? i sure as heck am not 20 nor do I have the appropriate figure to display it to the world (it has been hidden for the last oh 5+ years)

you may ask why the hell I didn't take it out long ago and the reason is this, I was terrified and scared like a baby. frankly it hurt like a mofo and then on top of that it was infected for weeks which hurt even more if that is possible. so I left that baby in there and it wasn't coming out. until today

and truly it wasn't that bad coming out

OK, perhaps it was

it took me at least 10 minutes to gather the courage in the 1st place, another 5 to let the hubs actually "touch" it, there may have been some squealing involved and maybe a little whimpering and whining but it came out

I'm a little sad about this really

this symbolised my teenage hood, my rebellious wild side and all I have now is increasing fat rolls and sagging breasts

life is so cruel

crabby pants

so i don't know what my problem is lately but i've been somewhat of a crabby pants lately...

remember Shrieky from the Care Bears (at least I think that's what she's from..)

this has been me lately (sadly I think my eyebrows are the same as hers right now too, as i've neglected them, amongst other things)

just the littlest things set me off

the dogs - annoy me they bark, they track in the mud from my mud pit of a yard (i'll have to take pics so u see what I mean...), they just plain annoy the hell out of me

the cat - Charlie particularly, he is an "outdoor" cat most of the time but lately he just won't go out, so he goes around meowing and just plain annoying the hell out of me and i think he totally is doing it on purpose

dishes, laundry, toilets, i dispise them all

what up with that

is it PMS? is i just being tired?

or it could be the fact that I finally weighed myself the other day and well i'm now offically the heaviest i've ever been in my life. can you say depressing! frig that really didn't help matters

so i think i'll take shrieky and just go back to my cave and not come out for awhile

mumblings

latest happenings...

not a whole lot really, I'm just coming off working the last 4 days and I am EXHAUSTED! I don't know how these people can do 7 yes SEVEN day stretches of these! omg after shift 3 I was done in then I got a call yesterday and just couldn't say no, so I worked another 3-11

one word

brutal

i was almost crying at the end of the shift, never been so physically tired

thankfully it's over and i'm feeling it today, still extremely beat and it's now almost 4 in the afternoon and i'm still in my pj's and have not brushed my hair or even looked in a mirror (don't think I want to it may scare me)

so on war and upwards as they say

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

my fav auntie Sharol (aka 2nd mommy) is coming home for 2 weeks and is arriving home tomorrow nite!! YAY! cannot wait to see her as it's been 2 1/2 months since she was last home. and oh how I miss her!!

is anyone else sick of hearing about RiRi and Chris Brown? so tired of hearing this, and even more sickening is the fact that she went back and that he will probably get out of this without losing anything. either way i'm so tired of hearing about it all

also sick of Octo mom, surely she has had her 15 minute already....although the Jimmy Kimmel joke that other night was freaking hilarious

does anyone still watch Desperate Housewives?? I came across it the other night at work and I was like "this is still on??" haven't watched it since season 2...

daylight savings time can kiss my ass

although I do enjoy the extra hour of light at the end of the day...

why am I always hungry?

think I'll watch me some YouTube..

peace out :)

Winter Wonderland

We had a major snowstorm on Feb 23rd, where we were hit with a foot and a half of snow, this was the hubs and I (and the dogs of course) 1st snowshoe adventure out, after the storm on the 25th. I wanted to get a few pics of the snowbanks and of the dogs. The one above is the hubs getting his gear on and the dogs playing and tearing around the yard. This is the backside of our house and as you can see the snow is piled pretty high

Zoey girl waiting patiently for us to get going

Snow banks and trees looking very pretty covered in snow in our back yard

The one and only pic of Riley, he never sits still this one, always on the go, unfortunately it didn't come out too well....

Zoey taking a break and rollin in the snow to get cooled off

The unbroken trail before us. This was really tough going and we had to stop every 10 minutes or so to take a break, really, really hard on the legs

The trail that we left behind us...

another pic of the trail ahead (un-broken)

the hubs and I (i'm on the left)

Zoey again, pretty tired out at this point (I was too)

and lastly the stretch right before our house, I call this the "magical forest", so pretty and peaceful

another door closes...hopefully another will open

sigh

you know how when you find a perfect job, you apply and you have high hopes that you will get this said job, but you try not to get too excited or worked up about it, brushing it all off as "if it's meant to be" and all that jazz but yet deep down knowing that you will get this job. it's perfect for you. You even have a family friend on the inside that has agreed to "put in a good word" for you.

well today, I received a letter stating that I was not qualified for this said "job" and thus out of the running. case closed.

to say that this was a blow to the gut is an understatement. it's sort of put things in perspective that I have been ignoring for months, and thus sent me into a tail spin.

i'm angry, upset, disappointed in myself

I feel like a failure

and sure, it would have been nice to have a full time job again but I know deep down that I will not be happy in an admin position. sure I could do it and after six months I would just be miserable again. and this stupid job in question was only for 1 year with possibility of renewal (i've been there done that and it didn't work out), so it's probably best in the long run but still...

which leads me back to - well what do I want to do for a living?

I DON'T KNOW!

I've never known

which just makes me even more frustrated

I can't seem to muster an ounce of motivation to do anything. I'm supposed to be studying and learning medical terminology which could possibly land me a job at the hospital. But do you think I have picked the book up at all?

the answer is no, why i'm not sure, i'm just so confused, angry and bitter right now I don't seem to want to do anything and I have been this way for months. I can't seem to snap out of it.

maybe this kick to the stomach will get me going (I doubt it)

but I need to do something, I just wish I could have someone tell me what I need to do, of course that would be to easy.

and on top of all that i'm super emotional lately, I could just cry and cry and that's pretty much all i've done since I read that stupid letter this morning. which is probably my hormones, cuz yes, I finally went off the birth control pill. not that I want to get pregnant right now but I may in 4-6 months, who knows and I've been on the pill for at least 10 years and seeings how heavy my last period was it makes me wonder how natural it is for us to take that in the 1st place. On the pill I did well to bleed maybe 1 or 1 1/2 days, off the pill I went 7 and then some. I was sort of freaked out by how much I bled. So I wanted to get it out of my system, stupid probably and I may just go back on it. I don't know!

i have so many thoughts running through my head right now I can't keep it all straight

just another day in my ho hum life

81st Academy Awards - Red Carpet Rundown - "The Bad"

ok, so I'm a bit rusty and I didn't actually watch any of the awards (I have an excuse I was working) but I just can't help but go through my pics of the nights worst and best dressed. so here are a few of the bad

not sure where to begin with this...I mean I hate to diss her she's a legend and all but comon! This is so something straight from the early 80's. When I watched the video back of her presenting I thought she had on sparkly gloves but it's apparently sleeves as obviously seen here, and the puffy cloud mess at the bottom is horrendous! and the color looks like baby puke, not that I've seen much baby puke but that's what it is. awful just awful. but hell if I look as good as her at her age...gotta give her some credit

oh Amy Adams, I love red but somehow when I look at you I think of spiderman? perhaps it's the weird black webbing around your bosom? not exactly sure but that's what comes to mind. Love the necklace but again not with this dress! there is just too much going on with the webbing and the piece that is pulled up and pinned to your breasts! do you have small chest syndrome like me? I have no other reason why a designer would do this to you

this is Amanda something or other, who stared in Mama Mia! this girl is as cute as a button, but this dress makes her look like a Christmas present. not. a. good. thing. bad shoes, bad necklace and BIG bow. yuck!

I think this is Melissa George (dunno who or what she has been in), and the only reason I put this here is because I cannot stand mermaid gowns! and why do they always appear? every year like a bad habit. all tight and snug fitting up top and then a big pile of fluff at the bottom, it just doesn't look right to me

and lastly we have Justin Timberlake's GF Jessica Biel. I've filed this under the category of What the Hell! again I think the designer didn't know quite what to do with the extra bit of fabric. Should I go over the shoulder...or no why not make a big half lumpy bow and run it down the front of the dress....geesh! what a sloppy pile of goods that is. messy hair, messy dress and yes I hate her a bit for nabbing the love of my life (he just doesn't know it)


UPDATE - Honorable Mentions go to:

Miley Cyrus

Tilda Swinton

Whoppi Goldberg

bad, bad blogger

yes, i've forgotten about you again dear old blog. but I have a good excuse. I've been working a lot and actually have good news. I obtained a temp part-time position which guarantees me at least 2 days a week and gasp - a schedule. which I have missed dearly. being on a "call basis" sucked cuz you never knew if and when they would call. I can pick up as many days as I want in between, if I don't feel or want to work I don't have too. and right now i'm so tired and played out I don't want to, i'm not booked again until the weekend so I may just veg all week.

i had intended to blog about the grammy's but obviously that never happened. and who else is so sick and tired of hearing about Chris Brown and Ri Ri?? God. enough already! I will say this though, I think he should be punished, especially where this is so public, whether it be jail time (prob not but he will pay a hefty fee i'm sure to get out of it) and he can probably say good bye to his career.

oh, and enough about octo mom to please!!! this girl is soooooo whacked and messed up. should not be allowed to have her kids.

and that's all I got - for now

gotta catch up with you all

latest addiction

i go through phases where i am totally addicted to something, usually it's a computer game (Sims), blogging was big for awhile but since i've been home, un-employed i've become totally addicted to YouTube. I spend hours on there (yes, I have no life)

there are soooo many things on there it is insane!!

old t.v. shows, commercials, figure skating, fat people dancing and sooo much more

and it's all there for me to watch!!

about a month ago I watched all 3 Anne of Green Gables movies on there which I hadn't seen since I was a kid

amazing

this has to be the best invention EVER

game day

it's Superbowl Sunday!!

do I watch football

no

do I really care who wins

no

do I still tune in and watch (not all of it, but at least some)

yes, well mostly for the commercials but still

everybody talks about the Superbowl, why, not exactly sure but it's HUGE

so who do you think will win?

Steelers or Cardinals?? I think Cardinals

brrrr

ok so i know I live in Atlantic Canada and that winter is usually cold and all but c'mon already!! it's been frickin freezing here for like the past 2 weeks. not fun.

you know it's pretty cold out when the inside of your nose freezes instantly...

but on the positive side we almost have January over and done with. Man I hate January it's almost up there with November what dreary loooong months they are.

finally got my EI today!! woot woot! which is good cuz my work has died down big time went from 3 days a week to 1 (shitty). but I take what I can get, cuz its nice to get out even if it's one day. i was getting cabin fever and uber down/depressed. i'm hoping something will open up soon in either admin or part time in housekeeping (keep your fingers crossed)

other than that it's same old same old in my neck of the woods

Friday Five

haven't done one of these in ages either, and seeings how i'm trying to get back into the whole blogger routine, why not go with something old and faithful?

these are the five latest tunes that i'm digging right now

Beyonce - Diva

John Legend ft Andre 3000 - Green Light

Pussy Cat Dolls - I hate this part (this sticks in my head and will not get out! not so sure that's a good thing....)

Katy Perry - Thinking of you

All American Rejects - Give you hell

Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire (Live At V Festival)

this is my new fav band and while I couldn't post the video (which you can appreciate his hotness even more in) that was made for this, I found a live version which is still AMAZING!

luv this song, luv the lead singer

~enjoy~

quick update

gosh it's been a long time since i've been on here actually typing something, part of it is due to severe laziness other parts just because my life is very boring right now, sure I could write about horror stories of things that i've seen or cleaned at work but who wants to read about someone cleaning up some old persons shit? ya can thank me for that one later

just a whole lot of meh

i have no ambition to do much of anything, I work usually about 3 days out of a 7 day week and the rest of the time i just veg

*note ~ I still have not received my EI (fuckers), they probably think I make to much money

not to exciting

i have however discovered that I must have arthritis in my ankles and knees as some days after working a hard shift I can barely walk. not cool. I feel like i'm old, really old. not sure what is up with that and may have to make a trip to the wizard cuz i can't live like that forever

what else is new...?

I saw Marley and Me and cried my eyes out

skipped this years Golden Globes (not sure why)

and that's about it

ups and downs of 2008

well Christmas is over for another year (thank god), oh how I love and loathe the holidays, but we got through them.

and one can't help but reflect back on the year as good ole new year's eve is right around the corner. and while I can't remember all that 2008 contained here are a few highs and low lights (i may ad/edit more later)

let's start with the lows to get them out of the way shall we

* the biggie was losing yet another job in late October early November, the business that I was employed at folded up and shut down for good, and while I had an idea that it was coming I still wasn't prepared for it

* spent majority of the year depressed, anxious and just not happy at this said job wanting to leave but not leaving and sea sawing on that decision until the doors shut in my face

* watching my favorite auntie and 2nd mum pack up and leave for the wild west (aka Fort McMurray) in late May

* suffered through one of the worst winter's our area has seen in a very long time, snow, snow and more snow it just never seemed to end



on the positive side

* got to see Cats in February with my mom, aunt, Jilly in Halifax - one word amazing

* Jilly & Mark's wedding in May in the Dominican Republic, one week in paradise and a wedding in the middle. tons of memories, Lot's of laughs, truly a remarkable experience

* celebrating my 28th birthday, this was one of the best birthday's in recent memory. all of my co-workers chipped in and bought a cake, we ordered in pizza for lunch, they sang happy birthday, then my hubby takes me out for dinner. a perfect day

* NKOTB in September need I say anything more?

* discovering that I am going to be an aunt come June as Jilly & Mark are expecting!!

Happy Holidays!

this makes me all warm and fuzzy inside

a whole new world

so I have found a job, well sort of

i'm becoming a casual employee at our local hospital, which is an on-call basis, they can't guarantee me hours and it's shift work, so my plan is to still file for my EI (which I probably won't get before Christmas, here's to hoping that i do..) and have the EI as backup in case I don't get a lot of hours, but my feeling or take from the guy that interviewed me it sounds like that won't be an issue

now as to what i'll be doing i'm not so keen on that, i'll be doing housekeeping, aka Janitorial work, which for me i've never done, it's hard honest work and while I don't have an issue doing the work i'm just concerned as to how i'm going to adapt. coming from all office experience and sitting at a desk for the past oh seven years it's going to be a challenge. and my family didn't nickname me flea if it didn't fit, i'm small, puny (or I was then, i've since gained a few pounds) and weak. honestly, i'm a lazy ass, no two ways about it.

but

i think I need this change. I just want to go work hard and come home and not have to stress about work stuff, and the pay is better than what I would be making should I go the whole office route again and the bigger AND is that it opens a lot of doors, once in as a casual I can apply for any openings available whether it be administration or another department to become full time. which is HUGE, this will open a BIG door (or I hope).

so it's a whole new world

i'm scared but I think it will be a good thing

i'm also sad as tomorrow will be my last day at my current (now old) job, which is so weird but yet i'm happy to finally have it all over and done with.

time to move on

i robot

i feel like a robot

i'm just going through all the motions of life but I feel empty and numb

here is what my day consists of:

drag by butt ouf of bed (literally)
go to work in an empty office and process refunds all day
drive home
cook super for 1 (hubs is still working away all week)
play with dogs
get fire going
watch mindless t.v
maybe work on baby quilt for brother in law & wife's new son for x-mas (not likely)
go to bed around 11 wake up every morning around 2:30 -3 and then toss and turn until time to get up and do it all over again

sigh

i'm tired, achey and i know i'm depressed, i just can't seem to pick myself up or think of anything positive

no luck on the job front/hunt either

look like i'll be filing for EI which may take up to six weeks to get 1st payment

not good

esp when the hubs will be filing after next week also

needless to say that we will not be doing Christmas this year

fun times in the Maritimes

beat of my heart

so i deleted my post about taking a break, who am i kidding i can't take a break from here, sure I can go a few weeks without posting but to leave that post on here was just sort of eating away at me, so it's gone and i'm moving on

my mental state of mind still isn't anywhere near 100% but i'm doing ok

i had a mini meltdown last week which I think helped a lot

still don't have another job lined up and only have 1 more week of work left before the whole business is closed for good. i'm still coming to terms with all of this and almost feel like i've had a death in the family as i'm truly going to miss my fellow co-workers and hurt for them as they are also going to be un-employed like me in a tough economy right now and hardly any jobs available in our area. it's just truly heartbreaking

but i am coming to terms with it all, being here with only 1 other admin and seeing the furniture being taken away, all the pictures off the walls it's just so empty, quiet but it's closure

which is something

as i sit here looking out my office window I can see the town crew getting ready for our annual yearly Victorian Christmas (at this point I don't even want to think of Christmas) and midnight madness which I feel they put on waaaay to early but that is a topic for another day

peace out

FACK!

so ya'll know how i've been stressed about work

well, not anymore!

as of yesterday, I and the rest of my co-workers were laid off due to the "economy" and local competition.

yes there is more to it than that but I am not going into it all here

so

i'm

un-employed

AGAIN

that makes it now

7 (yes SEVEN) jobs that I have changed all within the past FOUR years

sonofabitch

what the hell?

i've recently discovered or noticed that my boobs are starting to kinda well "sag" and while i've never really had large breast's to begin with (ahem, B cup barely), to discover them "sagging" and pointing to underneath my arm pit is frankly very depressing...

speaking of said armpit why does the hair under my right armpit grow faster than the left side, and also, i get painful ingrown hairs on said right side which turn into these big red ugly bumps which I can't help but squeeze and pick at (with my trustee tweezers) until I find the said unwanted ingrown hair....

i've also found facial hair (which I pluck if I find one, good ole tweezers once again to the rescue!) on my chin & side of my face (sideburns!! OMG)

or how bout discovering I have wrinkles??

or better yet the fat rolls that were never there before...

i'm getting OLD!!!

give thanks

it's Thanksgiving for me this weekend

and while I normally don't reflect and give thanks (it's all about the food and having an extra day off normally), I finally get what it is all about

i'm thankful for

having both parents support and love me unconditionally

having 2 sisters who listen and give me love, advice and everything else that sisters do

having a husband who loves me even with all my faults

for having a roof over my head

that I have food to eat

that I am healthy

and lastly thanks to you my blogger friends, you've been there to read and offer me your advice as well

and for that

I say Thanks!

now it's Turkey Time!!

slippage

familar territory for me lately, i'm slipping down a slippery slope and can't seem to grasp my footing, or onto the ever elusive branch to save me from falling

i've been avoiding a lot lately, one has been blogging here, which is bad, as this is where i usually come to rant and get it all out. lately i've been penting it all in

i don't even know where it started or how it all began and i don't even know what to write here

i'm slipping

it could be the fact that i own 2 houses (who the hell has 2 houses?)

it could be the fact that I have people lined up to buy house #2 but we can't seem to work things out with the bank to process this (loooong story)

it could be the fact that I am unhappy at my job and do not make the money that I deserve or should

it could be the fact that we are in major debt (ties in with lines 1 and 2) and the economy is going all to hell

it could be the fact that my husband works away all week and is only home on the weekend and I feel like our relationship is straining and going in the wrong direction

it could be the fact that I feel terribly alone most of the time and so very helpless

it could be that i'm finally admitting to a lot of these things that i've been avoiding for months that it's all hitting me just now like a hard blow to the gut

i just want it all to go away

i hate this panicky feeling

i hate the fact that I worry so much about things I have no control over

or how the littlest things lately set me off

i feel and fear that my mind is slipping and i'm going crazy

and i don't know how to fix it

quikie

yeah, yeah i'm still around

what i've been up to the last 72 hours

6 hrs spent driving to Moncton to board shiteous train 2 Montreal

30 + of those hours spent on a GD train (holy f@*%! I HATE trains) *may get into another day in another post - no promises

10 + hrs spent shopping/walking around Montreal (my feet are TIRED and HURT)

4 hrs at the NKOTB concert = PRICELESSS

*more 2 come later - must sleep now

what i've been doing

while my work is freakin crazy leaving me brain fried, dumb and dumber and stressed to the max and wanting to bash my brain against my desk in anger/frustration what does one do with herself?

hmm

i'll tell you what this little girly does

she eats

cuz when i'm stressed/pre-menstrual and battling the red tide i like to freakin eat

popcorn (check)
ice cream (check)
fudge (check), evil lady came by the office today selling it, ate the whole damn box and for your info it was peanut butter & chocolate, so yummy)
french fries (check)

and whilst eating all of this junk what better to do with your time than sit on the couch and watch mindless t.v

gossip girl - new season started monday (check)
90210 - new series launched on tuesday (check)
bones - new season started on wednesday (check)

my stomach is so bloated and full of goobbly gunk that I could probably pass for a lady at least 3 months pregnant. seriously that bad, i'd take a photo but that would further depress me and cause even more stress and further binging

why do I get like this? i'm like a freakin hoover I could just eat and eat

not cool people not cool

and I was supposed to be on a diet

hahahahahhahahahaha