something positive for a change

a big CONGRATS goes out to my hubby's bestest friend Jamie & his girlfriend Krystal for delivering a healthy baby boy into the world this morning!!!!

so excited for you guys

can't wait to see him, this almost, ALMOST gives me baby thoughts/twinges....

NOT!!! ok mabye just a little.....

now that means i have to finish the present that i've only been working slowly at for months now. martha stewart i am not. so krystal if you are reading this, i'm still working on your baby quilt and I promise i'll try to get it finished soon. and i'm to lazy to take a pic and show you all, perhaps another day :P

peace out!

same old, same old

i got nothing new really, just thought i would report that i'm still alive.

it's still bloody hot, humid, sticky
my job still blows goats
still having no luck what-so-ever finding a new job
i can't believe tomorrow is the last day of July, where the hell did the summer go? and yes it's pretty much over once August hits..sorry but it's true
i've also yet to start my diet. boo! :( so lazy is me

and that's about all really. that and what a neglectful blogger i've been. shame, shame on me i must catch up and visit you all.

peace out :P

more ranting and whining

i'm tired
hot
cranky
achy
smelly, sweaty and greasy
sunburned
bloated
oh
and if i find one more bloody zit on any part of my body i'm going to scream!!
did i mention i'm extremely tired
i'm so going to bed now

peace out :P

magic lamp

so i am totally ripping this from beth over at 'blind as a bat" (check her out if you haven't, LOVE her!!), anyways it's a 3 wish type deal so here goes.....

1) to learn yoga/meditate, i know it's a lame wish but with all my inner turmoil of late I could really use some of this right now...better yet make that into me having a "personal trainer/yoga master" at my every beck and call

2) a shoe closet the size of half my house, ok no wait bigger! with every possible shoe imaginable, heels, boots, flip flops, sneakers, dressy, casual, you name it it would be in this closet

3) and lastly i would wish for my own tropical island, with a huge fantastic fabulous house, where i can run away too or live all year round as i've somehow come into money, or invented some object or thing that made me lots of money so i don't have to work. note that I did not wish for money even though i wanted too :P

where is everyone at?

so i've noticed that not so many pps are out and about writing in the blogging world lately (myself included), why is that? is blogger becoming a fading fad, what with facebook and other outlets. or is it simply because it's summertime and everyone is out enjoying life, warm weather and even cooler beer (or in my case a rum & coke)?

in other news, i seem to be going through something. i'm just so confused, emotional, depressed that i can hardly think straight. needless to say i need to do a lot of soul searching but can't/won't take the time to reflect. i'm cranky, tired, and could cry at the drop of a hat and i want to just pull the covers up over my head and make it all go away, but, alas we can't run from our probelms and until i get the guts up to face this head on, i'm not going to be a happy camper

other than that i've got nothing. i just wanted to write for the sake of blogging.

over and out, i need to make my rounds and visit ya'll :P

pooped out

ok, not "literally", like gross

i mean like tired, only i didn't want to write that cuz pooped just sounds better, ya know? ok, perhaps i'm weird whatev, anyways all this driving for work is tiring me the hell out, and my poor baby luv car that i've had for ever has HAS to be on it's last leg is somehow keeping up with it all (you just watch it will totally break down or something will happen now that i say that). i normally like to drive, i'm always the one that drives if and when we go somewhere together (hardly ever), but DAMN driving All day (well not exactly all day, i'm in and out and going from one stop to the next and driving 1 hr to get there...) is hard on a person, my back hurts, my feet hurt from walkin in heels (i refuse to wear ugly shoes) and it's HOT as hell cuz my air conditioner died like 4 years ago and i'm to cheap to fix it

and i'm still stressing about this freakin job, should i quit, should i stay

back and forth and back and forth

i'm already putting way to much pressure on myself and my anxiety level has to be sky high which is not a good thing for me mentally. i'm half wishing i would've took the summer off, drawn un-employment but no, i took the 1st job i was offered, and i so shouldn't do that the "what if's" but i do. i also wish another job would magically appear, like, now, but sadly there's limited jobs here. i need to quit this cuz i'm driving my self insane and probably making myself sick with worry in the process but you know how if you were addicted to crack and you wanted to quit it, it's something like that. ok. perhaps not that drastic but it's hard for me. i'm a worry wort through and through which has been passed down thru the generations and it's not going to go away over night

that's my rant for the night, i'm going to bed, taking my pooped ass to bed, say thank you

Friday Five

finally a post where i don't bitch, whine and complain....hahahaha ok so that's not really all that funny, and trust me i'm sure i'll be back to my regular whine all too soon

anyways, Happy Friday!!!

and seeings how i haven't done one of these in FOREVER! i'm way over due

5 fav songs of the moment:

Enrique Iglesias - Do you know (the ping pong song) LUV THIS!! & he's hot

Eve - Tambourine

Maroon 5 - Makes me wonder

and the last two i'm almost ashamed to admit i like, but i so do!!

Hilary Duff - Stranger (watch the video, the duffster is all grown up and working the belly dancin)

Good Charlotte - Dance floor anthem, oh god i can't believe i just admitted to liking Good Charlotte....what's the world coming too??

can somebody tell me...

why i'm such a push over?

why don't i like my new job?

why am i missing my old job?

why do i procrastinate so?

why do i hate getting groceries? or better yet..

why do i always pick the slowest freaking lane?

why do i have low self esteem?

why can't i be more positive, and not so negative?

why i've been such a neglectful blogger?

why i can't keep my hands off my face, hence, major zits and greasy face, but i still can't stop touching it!!??

why all of a sudden do i now mind the heat when i used to love it?

why do i constantly compare myself to others?

why is it we can never seem to get ahead?

why is there always a "project" or "repairs" that need to be done?

why do i get such brutal painful headaches that aren't quite a migraine but man they knock me down and out?

why can't i just be happy and content?

why can't i seem to get motivated and start that diet i was supposed to start months ago?

why can't we go back in time to re-do things?

why can't we have sunshine and lollipops everyday?

it's about moi

I am so wanting to pack up and get the "f" out of this job, feel like i'm in way over my head and have a gut feeling that i'm going to a)suck b)not make any money and c)both a & b. right about now my old desk job answering phones is looking pretty sweet, but i will stick with this for at least (hopefully) another month and go from there....

I am so lacking in the self confidence dept, hence my issues with above probably

I need to stop eating. period. better yet EXERCISE. but who the hell wants to do that when its so Freakin HOT! not that i'm complaining about the heat....

I am worried about my sissy, guess she's going thru a tough time, just want her to know that i luv her and that i'm here for her.....

I am LOVING the new season of "so you think u can dance", this show is off the CHAIN! and it's the only thing that i look forward to each week, if you love dancing (and a few hotties) you must check out this show. TRUST ME.

I am stressed out. job woes, possible purchase of a "newer" car i can't seem to relax, oh and having Zil for $$ is downright painful, i hopes i's is getting paid tomorrow.....

I am stoked however for the long weekend, and God Bless Canada Day!!!

I am pretty sure the devil made Ice Cream

I am also pretty sure nobody gives a damn that Paris Hilton is now out of jail....although i must care to mention it...weird.....

I think Paris Hilton is the devil

I would really like to win the lotto, would so be the answer to EVERYTHING, well ok mabye not but it would help

I never compalin about the heat, like Ever, but man it's BLOODY hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it's wrong for car dealers to charge us more a)for a automatic and b)air condiontioning (bastards)

I hate having a cubicle

I just realized today that I have "phone fear", never thought I did but man i so don't want to make that 1st call....so i don't....

I'm stunned and shocked about Chris Benoit (WWE wrestler), although i never really liked him as he always seemed "off", it's still such a tragic story and my condolances to family and friends

I'm over and out :P

sometimes u just need to cry

oh the pressure of it all finally caught up with me today, i was on my own today (paper work wise and offically on Monday out and about), and i was feeling, well very overwhelmed and un-prepared. i actually half considered throwing my hands up and walking away from it all..and then i had my first actual call and the guy was to put it frankly "a major jerkassfucker", yup that's right all three, and i was so put on the spot and didn't have my #'s right and well i was made to feel really small and stupid. so then i cried. well not really, i held them back and then i sat there wanting to quit and thinking to myself "flea, what the hell are you doing?" honest to fuck. like 10-15 minutes later a co-worker happens to come by to ask me another question and i cracked.

but she was so sweet and understanding and helped me through it and i ended up getting the stupid jerkassfucker to place an ad.

i still feel like crying my eyes out though, whenever i start bawling i can't seem to stop. thankfully i tapered off enough to get me home and now i can't seem to snap out of this funk. must be hormones or something AND on top of that i want ice cream. thank jebus i don't have any here in the house.

in other news, hope to god i have a relaxing weekend i'm so wound up and stressed i don't think i can handle anything else. the only thing we have planned is a baby shower tomorrow afternoon. oh what fun, and man are baby things freakin expensive!! no wonder i keep pushing baby thoughts away.....

hope everyone else has a good one! i'm out :P

Dear Mr. Ronald McDonald:

First of all I have to commend you for building your little McHappy empire, bravo! However, I do seem to have a small little problem with your establishment. You see every time I drive by the Golden Arches or just so happen to be in the vicinity of one, I cannot seem to resit the lure to order a Quarter Pounder and fries (option #2 from the menu, sad that I know that I know isn't it?) with a Diet Coke, like that somehow makes it all "OK".

I realise that you are now "promoting" a new "healthy" menu but who the hell wants to order that after getting a whiff of those oh so yummy fries? umm, hello?! NOBODY! Exactly, my point. No I'm not suggesting you get rid of your fries, OK maybe possibly but we all need to live on the edge once and awhile...so perhaps maybe you should restrict some sort of rule or something like what they do for alcoholics, put up our pictures in every store like were on America's most wanted list and ban us from having more than one order of fries a week or something.....OK maybe that didn't come out exactly as i had planned...that's a bit much isn't it?

ummm..

In conclusion, I suggest that you Mr. Ronald McDonald should be forced to drink a Texas Mickey and be recorded on a web cam performing ludicrous acts so all the little children will become afraid of you and therefore no more McDonald's...

oh bloody hell, I'm just going to have to do this on my own. I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!!

sincerely,

Miss Flea Flea

getting into the grove again SUXS!

so the new job is going, along with my brain at a 100 miles an hour...

so much info to take it it's all a bit overwhelming, and it's funny how as soon as you walk across that parking lot and into a new office or job all your previous 1st days come back at you at once and it's like "oh yeah this is why i HATE starting a new job".

sweaty hands. check
fast heart rate. check
unable to ask questions/lack of speech. check
glazed eye look. check
massive headache. check
mentally exhausted. check

ok, it's not so bad, no wait it sort of is but then again being out of the work loop for a month probably doesn't really help, but i'm adjusting. i just hate not knowing when to "snack" or go the the washroom and becomming comfortable in my new washroom settings. i just thank god they don't have stalls, that is one bonus. oh and i have a cubicle, that's a new adjustment too, thankfully though it sounds like i'll be out of the office more than in, so that's another plus...

all in all it's a change and a start and hell it's only tuesday!

things are going to change!

GUESS WHAT!!!!!


i got a job

happy dance
happy dance

it's a whole new world (sales) and i'm scared shitless but i'm up for the challenge and change and better yet i start on Monday. i'm on a 3 month probation period and i get to go on a course and everything. i really feel like this is a new beginning.

thank you jeebus!!!

could i possibly be any duller?

god

my life is pretty much the following

eat

sleep

eat

eat

sleep

housework (very minimal)

eat

watch oprah

walk (sometimes not so often..)

and oh yeah eat some more

i've at least gained 5 pounds, well ok maybe that's exaggerating but i have gained my boobs are bigger, which the hubby pointed out much to his pleasure the other day, i on the other hand not so happy. not only have i been emotionally eating, i'm putting in bluntly by stating that i'm depressed. there it's out there. or i should say this whole situation has me depressed, either way i'm depressed, down in the dumps, moody, feeling sorry for myself, i can go on and on but i won't :P

so what does one do in this sort of peril? she has a girls nite out, that's what she does!! and i must say i had a really great time, lot's of laughs and it was nice to be social again, you can only take so much of being around your hubby and dogs ppl! so yeah, i'm feeling a little tincy tiny bit more positive today (despite the headache and pains). so yeah that's all i've got going on. sorry for the lack of posts but i haven't really got much of anything to blog about, no people to make fun of anymore, no rants about work.....ah well i'll post when i can. i do want to thank everyone for there positive comments it really helps me in the state of mind i'm in to have some encouragement. so yeah, thanks!

peace out

home

i'm back!!

while i had a nice week away, nothing compares to coming back home and having nice weather (finally!)

on the downside though, my hunt for my next job officially begins (boo)

so that's all i got....

hope all is well with everyone else

come with me were going to the treehouse...

not sure which childhood show that's from, but it's been going through my brain today...

so i'm off to visit my sissy tomorrow, flying by myself for the 1st time and i'm sort of terrified in a way...i'm pretty sure i'll be fine but still as you know most things being done for the 1st time is scary as you aren't quite sure what to expect. i just hope i don't get lost in the Montreal airport or that some french dude doesn't kidnap me and keep me locked up in his basement for months and all my family will think that i'm dead when i'm not....and yeah i have to much time on my hands lately.

i also can't seem to stop eating. mind you that's probably due to the fact that i'm an emotional eater and i did suffer from pms but i just can't stop. which makes me sort of glad that i didn't buy potato chips that i liked, or popcorn....i'm hoping this will go away while i'm visiting my sissy.

i've applied for 2 jobs, and heard nothing and i'm trying very hard to stay positive but things frankly seem sort of grim. i'm tired of being a "receptionist" and hate the thought of starting at the bottom again, so thoughts of going back to school are running through my head.....which technically really isn't possible as we have bills and so forth so i'm terribly confused and don't know where to start or begin. so i'm hoping my week away i can just relax and de-stress and enjoy time with my sissy.

the good news though is my car is now fixed and will hopefully run another few months

that's all i got

peace the spork out, i may or may not post while i'm away :0)

turn about

so umm you know how in my wishes post i wanted my employer to give me a raise and just say thanks.....well they said thanks alright, me and 2 other employees were laid off thursday morning and basically had to pack up our things after the "news" and get the heck out of there.

to say that i'm shocked, hurt, angry is an understatement. i feel like i've been sucker punched and stabbed in the back. mind you i'm not getting into all the details here and it's a long story and i'm trying (it's now 4 days later) very hard to not think about it, and to let it all go and start over but it's really, really hard. i'm so bitter and resentful and i just would like to know why, yeah they gave us a reason but i think it was a bullshit one. it's very hard to not take this sort of thing personally, and as i stated before i am an emotional person and of course i take it personally. i have also wondered or contemplated "conspiracy therories", like how long have they been planing this and it has been sort of different since i wen't on my trip....just things like that, that are slowing driving me insane...

but as of today

Done

it's a new start

whether i find another job or just go on un-employment and take the summer of, i don't care, it's in fate's/god's hands now and what will be will be

sorry i haven't kept up with everyone's comments and or blog's lately but i usally blog from work and it's hard to get in the habit of blogging at home, but i hope to catch up!

wishes

i wish that i weren't such an emotional person, who takes everything to heart and wears there heart on there sleeve...

i wish that i wouldn't stress and fret about the "little" things....

i wish that i could speak my mind without hesitating.....

i wish i could lose those extra 10 pounds that i've been wanting off for 2 years...

i wish that people wouldn't judge me....

i wish i had an endless supply of money....

i wish i didn't have to deal with car repairs...

i wish my employer would give me a raise and say that i do good work and that i'm appreciated..

i wish for a chocolate sundae to just magically appear...

i wish for a day with my grandmother again....

i wish i wouldn't always break out like a teenager everytime i have pms...

i wish i would know when to stop chewing my nails...

i wish i was at home right now outside in the sunshine instead of sitting here in the office...

i wish i had a magic genie that could grant me three wishes...

i wish i had a maid...

i wish i had a cook....

i wish i owned a plane so i could fly where ever i wanted...

i wish my sissy was here so i can hug her and talk to her...

i wish i didn't have heart burn right now from eating my lunch to damn fast....

i wish i could have an afternoon nap without anyone noticing...

i wish i had a college degree in something...

i wish i had a huge shoe collection w/it's own closet to display them...

i wish i could go shopping for clothes/shoes and all that fun stuff...

i wish i didn't love french fries so much...

i wish i could have a torrid love affair with Sawyer from LOST....

i wish that everyday could be like friday....

i wish i had the afternoon off to spend time with jilly, mom and Sharol...

i wish i could snap my fingers and have all these things

i'm a weak, weak person

well i've always known that, but you know how i wen't on a speel last week about not purchasing body wash or smelly products, umm yeah, i caved and bought new body wash today cuz i was in the drug store for my mom (whose sick, i know aren't i just the sweetest!!) anyways, and guess what, there before me was the dreaded isle that i cannot avoid, and oh my god they had shea butter stuff ON SALE!!! and i couldn't walk away, and then i smelled it and yeah, so forgive me fellow bloggers i have sinned....but i'll smell so YUMMY!

so not only was that bad enough but i totally gorged myself on mcdonald's, so i'm a major sinner today

but on the positive side of things i did refrain myself from placing an order on sephora the other day, so that's one thing right??

sigh

now i totally want to go back on sephora...must restrain thy self...

changing the topic now to try and divert myself, i have so many options as to what i can do this weekend it's been driving me crazy! i could A)go to a themed costume party with fellow co-workers, which i somewhat would like to go to (without the hubs of course!) or B)go on a ATV poker ralley with the hubs and other friends or C)not a GD thing, well except mabye some housework, i'm leaning more towards C but yet i keep thinking i'd like to do A or B....so frustrating and stressful!!

dammit i'm sighing again

anyways, peace the spork out and have a super fantstic weekend!!

hair therapy

thankfully i am getting some of this tonight, i'm in desperate need of a cut. ever since my trip my hair has been dry and sun damaged. i'm also looking forward to getting a new cut/style as i'm ready and due for a change.

why is it that men can't understand this? i mean i need my hair fix! it's a form of therapy for me, i gossip with my hairdresser (jackie who is the queen of hairdressers! love her!!!) and it's not like i go every month (although i could) i span it out to at least 12 wks between each visit, and yeah it's somewhat of a UN-necessary expense but i've tried to dye my own hair before and frankly it did not come out so well...and i'd rather not re-visit that....and honestly i just like to be pampered and have someone else do it for me. also, whatever she uses/does to my hair makes it amazingly soft and shiny and i hate to wash it for days as i don't want it to go away

so yeah i can't wait to have my hair done tonight and that's pretty much all i got going on right now, i'm disgusted with work and prefer not to talk about that as it just makes my blood pressure rise.....anywhoo happy Thursday!! :P