Happy Holidays!

this makes me all warm and fuzzy inside

a whole new world

so I have found a job, well sort of

i'm becoming a casual employee at our local hospital, which is an on-call basis, they can't guarantee me hours and it's shift work, so my plan is to still file for my EI (which I probably won't get before Christmas, here's to hoping that i do..) and have the EI as backup in case I don't get a lot of hours, but my feeling or take from the guy that interviewed me it sounds like that won't be an issue

now as to what i'll be doing i'm not so keen on that, i'll be doing housekeeping, aka Janitorial work, which for me i've never done, it's hard honest work and while I don't have an issue doing the work i'm just concerned as to how i'm going to adapt. coming from all office experience and sitting at a desk for the past oh seven years it's going to be a challenge. and my family didn't nickname me flea if it didn't fit, i'm small, puny (or I was then, i've since gained a few pounds) and weak. honestly, i'm a lazy ass, no two ways about it.

but

i think I need this change. I just want to go work hard and come home and not have to stress about work stuff, and the pay is better than what I would be making should I go the whole office route again and the bigger AND is that it opens a lot of doors, once in as a casual I can apply for any openings available whether it be administration or another department to become full time. which is HUGE, this will open a BIG door (or I hope).

so it's a whole new world

i'm scared but I think it will be a good thing

i'm also sad as tomorrow will be my last day at my current (now old) job, which is so weird but yet i'm happy to finally have it all over and done with.

time to move on

i robot

i feel like a robot

i'm just going through all the motions of life but I feel empty and numb

here is what my day consists of:

drag by butt ouf of bed (literally)
go to work in an empty office and process refunds all day
drive home
cook super for 1 (hubs is still working away all week)
play with dogs
get fire going
watch mindless t.v
maybe work on baby quilt for brother in law & wife's new son for x-mas (not likely)
go to bed around 11 wake up every morning around 2:30 -3 and then toss and turn until time to get up and do it all over again

sigh

i'm tired, achey and i know i'm depressed, i just can't seem to pick myself up or think of anything positive

no luck on the job front/hunt either

look like i'll be filing for EI which may take up to six weeks to get 1st payment

not good

esp when the hubs will be filing after next week also

needless to say that we will not be doing Christmas this year

fun times in the Maritimes

beat of my heart

so i deleted my post about taking a break, who am i kidding i can't take a break from here, sure I can go a few weeks without posting but to leave that post on here was just sort of eating away at me, so it's gone and i'm moving on

my mental state of mind still isn't anywhere near 100% but i'm doing ok

i had a mini meltdown last week which I think helped a lot

still don't have another job lined up and only have 1 more week of work left before the whole business is closed for good. i'm still coming to terms with all of this and almost feel like i've had a death in the family as i'm truly going to miss my fellow co-workers and hurt for them as they are also going to be un-employed like me in a tough economy right now and hardly any jobs available in our area. it's just truly heartbreaking

but i am coming to terms with it all, being here with only 1 other admin and seeing the furniture being taken away, all the pictures off the walls it's just so empty, quiet but it's closure

which is something

as i sit here looking out my office window I can see the town crew getting ready for our annual yearly Victorian Christmas (at this point I don't even want to think of Christmas) and midnight madness which I feel they put on waaaay to early but that is a topic for another day

peace out

FACK!

so ya'll know how i've been stressed about work

well, not anymore!

as of yesterday, I and the rest of my co-workers were laid off due to the "economy" and local competition.

yes there is more to it than that but I am not going into it all here

so

i'm

un-employed

AGAIN

that makes it now

7 (yes SEVEN) jobs that I have changed all within the past FOUR years

sonofabitch

what the hell?

i've recently discovered or noticed that my boobs are starting to kinda well "sag" and while i've never really had large breast's to begin with (ahem, B cup barely), to discover them "sagging" and pointing to underneath my arm pit is frankly very depressing...

speaking of said armpit why does the hair under my right armpit grow faster than the left side, and also, i get painful ingrown hairs on said right side which turn into these big red ugly bumps which I can't help but squeeze and pick at (with my trustee tweezers) until I find the said unwanted ingrown hair....

i've also found facial hair (which I pluck if I find one, good ole tweezers once again to the rescue!) on my chin & side of my face (sideburns!! OMG)

or how bout discovering I have wrinkles??

or better yet the fat rolls that were never there before...

i'm getting OLD!!!

give thanks

it's Thanksgiving for me this weekend

and while I normally don't reflect and give thanks (it's all about the food and having an extra day off normally), I finally get what it is all about

i'm thankful for

having both parents support and love me unconditionally

having 2 sisters who listen and give me love, advice and everything else that sisters do

having a husband who loves me even with all my faults

for having a roof over my head

that I have food to eat

that I am healthy

and lastly thanks to you my blogger friends, you've been there to read and offer me your advice as well

and for that

I say Thanks!

now it's Turkey Time!!

slippage

familar territory for me lately, i'm slipping down a slippery slope and can't seem to grasp my footing, or onto the ever elusive branch to save me from falling

i've been avoiding a lot lately, one has been blogging here, which is bad, as this is where i usually come to rant and get it all out. lately i've been penting it all in

i don't even know where it started or how it all began and i don't even know what to write here

i'm slipping

it could be the fact that i own 2 houses (who the hell has 2 houses?)

it could be the fact that I have people lined up to buy house #2 but we can't seem to work things out with the bank to process this (loooong story)

it could be the fact that I am unhappy at my job and do not make the money that I deserve or should

it could be the fact that we are in major debt (ties in with lines 1 and 2) and the economy is going all to hell

it could be the fact that my husband works away all week and is only home on the weekend and I feel like our relationship is straining and going in the wrong direction

it could be the fact that I feel terribly alone most of the time and so very helpless

it could be that i'm finally admitting to a lot of these things that i've been avoiding for months that it's all hitting me just now like a hard blow to the gut

i just want it all to go away

i hate this panicky feeling

i hate the fact that I worry so much about things I have no control over

or how the littlest things lately set me off

i feel and fear that my mind is slipping and i'm going crazy

and i don't know how to fix it

quikie

yeah, yeah i'm still around

what i've been up to the last 72 hours

6 hrs spent driving to Moncton to board shiteous train 2 Montreal

30 + of those hours spent on a GD train (holy f@*%! I HATE trains) *may get into another day in another post - no promises

10 + hrs spent shopping/walking around Montreal (my feet are TIRED and HURT)

4 hrs at the NKOTB concert = PRICELESSS

*more 2 come later - must sleep now

what i've been doing

while my work is freakin crazy leaving me brain fried, dumb and dumber and stressed to the max and wanting to bash my brain against my desk in anger/frustration what does one do with herself?

hmm

i'll tell you what this little girly does

she eats

cuz when i'm stressed/pre-menstrual and battling the red tide i like to freakin eat

popcorn (check)
ice cream (check)
fudge (check), evil lady came by the office today selling it, ate the whole damn box and for your info it was peanut butter & chocolate, so yummy)
french fries (check)

and whilst eating all of this junk what better to do with your time than sit on the couch and watch mindless t.v

gossip girl - new season started monday (check)
90210 - new series launched on tuesday (check)
bones - new season started on wednesday (check)

my stomach is so bloated and full of goobbly gunk that I could probably pass for a lady at least 3 months pregnant. seriously that bad, i'd take a photo but that would further depress me and cause even more stress and further binging

why do I get like this? i'm like a freakin hoover I could just eat and eat

not cool people not cool

and I was supposed to be on a diet

hahahahahhahahahaha

totally just jacking off

so it's Friday

and lo and behold it is finally like 30+ degrees here and i'm stuck at work

well as you can see i'm not actually working, sure I have tons of stuff to do but do you think I can make myself do anything productive today. hell no! instead i'm mindlessly surfing and staring out the window at traffic going by, wishing I was poolside.

but no

2 more hours of this people! this has to be the slowest freakin day EVER!!! all I want is to go home, head to the pool (@ my mommie's) and sip on a cold wine cooler or something. sigh and just cuz I want the day to be over it is dragging on and on and on...

sigh

on a positive note though I went to watch Mama Mia last night and let me tell you I freakin loved loved this movie. it was soooo good. I laughed, I cried and I laughed some more. and meryl streep, all I can say is WOW she blew me away, i've never really been a huge fan of her's but I am now. and yes I am a big ABBA fan/lover as I grew up on there music as my mom always listened to there tunes. i have several fond memories of us going on vacay to P.E.I and listening/signing along to ABBA, so this movie truly hit me on a personal level as well. so i'd give it a 5 out of 5 but I am biased.

anyways guess i should pretend to be working again

peace the spork out

and happy friday biatches!!

the weirdest thing just happend...

so I was just sitting here reading blogs when my nose just started bleeding, like, for no apparent reason.

chah, how dare it

anyways....

most times it's cuz i picked it (admit it we all pick our noses) and scratched it or something but today not the case.

it just started gushing out like a freakin tap, everywhere and I could totally feel it running out, so I sort of panicked and started screaming "WHY THE HELL AM I BLEEDING!" and "I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!" whilst searching for some GD Kleenex (which seems to be missing, so I opted for TP instead, and I may mention, why the hell is that stuff so hard to get off the roll when you are in a hurry??)

anyways

it was all over my hands and still gushing after I found Kleenex and applied the proper "pinching technique" that the hubs instructed I do, which, well, obviously worked cuz i'm not bleeding to death

but still

how traumatic was that??

i'm not usually grossed out by blood but to see my own coming out so freaking fast....

not cool

anyways, I had to get that out of the system and now I have to go get the hubs who has decided to take my yoga ball (which I never use) and make it a play toy for the dogs. so I must get it back

peace out

still here?

yup, i'm still kicking (albeit not that enthusiastically), and i have been reading/visiting everyone's blogs

I haven't felt like much of anything of late

the weather has been crap for about 4 weeks now, pretty much rain, rain and oh yeah, more rain

which makes me sleepy, irritable and a whole lot of crankiness - and also asking where the hell did my summer go??

and I thought you wouldn't want to read all that here

i've got nothing, everything is just "meh"

not even the Olympics can get me excited

so i may or may not post again for awhile

has/is anyone else...

had an annoying twitch in their eye (oh, let's say the right one for example) that will.not.go.AWAY thus making it even more so ANNOYING. honestly i've had this twitch for like 2 weeks, yeah it comes and goes but it always comes back. and i'm tired of people telling "oh your just tired" or your "stressed". fuck off already I know that!!!!

gotten drunk (on a Thursday) to try to take the annoying eye twitch away and not have it work?

just a little bit worried about our economy?

been conserving their gas by driving slower, cuz I have and i've noticed that people on the highways aren't quite moving along as they used to

just been so caught up in life that you haven't got 2 minutes to sit and blog or work on a baby quilt for a friend, or just whatever, but yet at the same time somewhat loving every minute of summer because it will be gone before we know it

did anyone else catch the new show on CBS about dogs and their owner's living in this HUGE mansion trying to compete to be Amercia's best dog. I somehow ended up watching this last Thursday and at 1st I was like how freaking stupid but then I watched the whole hour and I missed last nights show, i'll have to find it online now to get caught up. and how cute is the small town boy with the boxer? yummy! i hope they win

completely in love with Will & Twitch on So you think you can dance. OMG these two are amazing dancers and they are also built/hot. Love how they always have Will performing without his shirt on

and that's kinda all I got at the moment, hope everyone else is doing well

peace out

interesting..

you know I never ever recall EVER being a person that sweats, like, a lot and then on top of that smelling sweaty (you know that smell). but lately i've noticed that i'm sweating and yup, it also smells that sweaty smell (so grose).

like wtf?

did my hormones change? sure, I know I am heavier than i've probably ever been in my life, and yes it's god forsaken hot here right now. but me sweating. never. happened. people I swear. in fact I always used to brag about NOT sweating. guess karma is kicking me in the ass right now and laughing right in my face.

not cool people. not cool. esp cuz where i never used to sweat sometimes I forget to put the deodorant on and that is just bad

i always associated that smelly smell with that kid in gym class, you know the geek/nerdy one that's so not an athlete and so out of shape that they sweat like a mofo, like I mean t-shirt soaking wet sweat and ugh the smell!! I just find it so repulsive and now i'm that fat kid out of shape.

sigh

i need to go on a diet and get some better deodorant

and you know how I know that I need to diet...

well, my panties are to small for starters, which is such a pain in the ASS literally, I don't think i've ever picked my ass so much as I have the last week or so, and i've noticed that some shirts aren't quite fitting so well, like oh say not able to button them any more

sigh

did I mention that it is extremely hot, therefore the laziness kicks in and I don't want to exercise or cook so i'm eating junk

i'm my own worst enemy

i think it stopped thundering/raining I might take the dogs for a run

or

not....

checked out

man I've been such a bad, bad blogger which is totally my bad, er um laziness

dunno what is wrong with me lately but i'm so tired/lazy. could. sleep. 24 hrs. I swear no word of a lie. and while I have been busy/stressed with stuff.

example A
hubs and I purchased my grandmother's house/property (as we lived just above her) and we wanted the land NOT the house, but they wouldn't sell without the house, which I understand as proprty value in our little community is shitty and that is putting it gently. anyways long story short we now have a 2nd mortgage and we are left to clean out her house as the fam dam (the brothers) didn't want to clean it out. Mean while it is left to pretty much me, the hubs and my mom to go through ALL and i mean there is a lot of just stuff. what does one do with it all? have a yard sale?? but who would buy it, honestly i'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do with myself. and I so don't want to organize a yard sale, i've never done or had one and have no clue where to start...

example B
said grandmother above is well an issue itself. she is in early stages of dementia and was doing very well in her new accomodations (at first). then she had a set back. and while I can't or am not willing to share it all here it is just sad and frustrating as she is sinking deeper into the depths of dementia and I'm losing my grandmother and seeing my mom trying to cope with it ALL isn't exactly helping either

so needless to say, i need to "check out" which is sad cuz I just had a vacay like a month ago

perhaps I can get a "check out" this weekend i'm hoping to lay low and just "chill"

that's what's been on my mind, just thought I would bring ya'll up to speed

tick tock

you know as a kid Alice in Wonderland was like my favorite, a) cuz she was blonde (like me) b)it was totally off the wall and c)the little white rabbit that was always late, whom I have a love/hate realtionship with (i'll explain after)

In the 80's there was an actual movie made (not the cheap cartoon, hate that) called Alice in Wonderland through the Looking Glass (or something like that - pic above), with a white and dark night, the jabberwalkie, etc. I loved this movie. In fact I loved it so much I hunted it down on eBay and bought both VHS tapes. yeah, crazy I know but I had to have it. (i'll google it and try to post a pic for ya later)

just one of those things

also another one of those things and the reason i'm so off topic here is that I hate, hate being late for anything. doesn't matter what it is, if I have an appointment i have to be on time or early. in fact I think i inherited this from my father as he doesn't like to be late either, I was early for my own wedding. who the hell is early for their wedding! isn't the bride supposed to be late??

anyways, so whenever i'm late I always here that damn rabbit in my head from Alice in Wonderland screaming "I"M LATE, I'M LATE, I'M LATE LATE LATE!"

weird i know, but I can't help it

and it totally puts me on edge

oh, and I also hate when things do not go my way

sigh

can't I control everything? I feel like I could turn into the hulk here....

NKOTB

fer shizzle!!

not only is the new video out, but I have tickets to see them in concert in September!!

HEE!!

i think i peed a little

pictures! take two...randomness

calgon take me away (again)

jilly & I at dinner (nite before wedding), hammered out of my tree here (which is so obivious)

I would also like to note that as usual, i look bad and miz jilly looks fab

hee! don't ask, this is after one to many daiquiris

view of our room (I ment to take before all our crap was in it..ah well)

part of the gang at dinner

the hubs and I

i'm not sure why i'm posting this other than the fact that it is somewhat humourous (and yes that's my ass, and no that's not a big mole on the right that's my gay ass tattoo of a lady bug)

moi on the bunch reading

ok, i must mention that we lost our camera for 2 days and this was our 1st 2 pics (the one above and below) that we took after getting it back. we were just so happy/greatful to have the camera back, we had to take a pic...

moi

and again

view of another boat from our boat (we went snorkeling)

view of our pool & swim up bar

view of the beach

view from our balcony

so pretty! they were everywhere, and the noises they would make...sigh I wanna go back

my mamma and I

the hubs

my dad (he looks so happy here) you'd have to know that every pic of my dad he is always either a)fake smiling or b)so somber/serious so this is a rare find to get one where is is actually smiling for real

the gang in the pool

doreen/moi/momsie/julia chillin in the pool (drunk, again)

and lastly, I leave you with.....

my husband's ass!!

pictures! (finally) take one..Wedding

moi getting my hair done

Miz Jilly aka the bride getting beautified

musical trio that was playing while the bride walked in & after the ceremony, this truly made it a "festive" affair. If i was technically inclined I would load the video for you so you could hear it, but that ain't going to happen. sorry. but the pic will have to do

this is a shot of the gazebo that they were married in

the bride arriving by horse carriage (so romantic!)

the bride & dad walking in (I love the look on Jill's face, she looks so happy!)

bride & groom exchanging vows

the bride & her girls (Julie on the left and me on the right)

bride & groom celebrating with a toast

brides parents also celebrating to raising a beautiful daughter

wedding party

bride & groom

the bride posing beautifully (so pretty)

bride & all her girlfriends that went on the trip (by this point the sweat was just rolling down my back & legs, so humid & hot and it was only 10:30/11:00 in the morning!)

awww

a fairytale ending

~and they lived happily ever after ~

Jill & Mark

May 13, 2008