early stages yet

I'm only 6 wks along and already feel like it has been forever!

this has kicked my anxiety up another 5 levels and my mind will just not stop racing

1st there was the possibility that I may have a tubal pregnancy, which thankfully they don't think I have as the pregnancy hormone has increased a lot (all I can say is thank god I don't mind having blood work done), but I was having a lot of pain in my lower right side the week previous to when I found "out" and i'm grateful to have this behind me but still it was an extra stress and worry for me

2nd I have experienced spotting, not a lot but it scared me and I can't help but feel that this just isn't meant to be and that i am going to lose the baby. is that weird? I mean me as a mom, ohmygod!

and lastly I tripped and fell at work last week and it was weird, like for the first time it's not just about me anymore

this is a lot to take in and deal with

the books
the online websites
the terrifying fear of *gasp* labour
the changes in my body (already)

and it goes on and on

and on top of all that the neighbors from hell are moving out (long story short, they were renting to own or 2nd house, but have decided to back out and buy a different house), which i'm glad for it's been nothing but bad from the get go, but it's an extra stress that I just don't need right now.

I think i'll crawl back in bed and not come out for awhile

late breaking news

time for your 5 o'clock news update people and we miz flea flea's representatives have some sizzling new news to inform you of.

while we apologize for her recent lack of posts (again) she at least has a reasonable excuse this time (I wouldn't let her get away with it to often)

and no it doesn't have to do with Brad or Angelina or Jen and washisname myer or any celeb at all but it is life altering for her, in fact it is so huge she still hasn't come to terms with it all and thus left it to us to tell you.....




she's




PREGNANT!!


which explains A LOT

no wonder she's been so moody and grouchy and eating us out of house and home (HAHA)

poor flea flea doesn't know to be excited or if she wants to cry (in fact I think I hear her crying in the other room must be an "emotional" day). and honestly we only told a few people and already the whole county knows so we thought, well why not share it with our few blogger friends that we have left. Now don't go be telling her either that we told you, she's afraid that by everyone knowing that she will somehow magically lose the baby as soon as everyone knows (which would be awful) but whatev. what will be will be

so get prepared ya'll cuz i'm sure the next oh 9 months are going to be very interesting on here

peace out

miz flea flea's pps

another chapter closes..

yet another chapter of my life has closed

as (gasp) 30 approaches I cannot deny the fact that I'm getting older (even though I don't feel or act it at times). so today I decided to finally remove my belly button ring that I have had for over 10 years because really who am I kidding? i sure as heck am not 20 nor do I have the appropriate figure to display it to the world (it has been hidden for the last oh 5+ years)

you may ask why the hell I didn't take it out long ago and the reason is this, I was terrified and scared like a baby. frankly it hurt like a mofo and then on top of that it was infected for weeks which hurt even more if that is possible. so I left that baby in there and it wasn't coming out. until today

and truly it wasn't that bad coming out

OK, perhaps it was

it took me at least 10 minutes to gather the courage in the 1st place, another 5 to let the hubs actually "touch" it, there may have been some squealing involved and maybe a little whimpering and whining but it came out

I'm a little sad about this really

this symbolised my teenage hood, my rebellious wild side and all I have now is increasing fat rolls and sagging breasts

life is so cruel

crabby pants

so i don't know what my problem is lately but i've been somewhat of a crabby pants lately...

remember Shrieky from the Care Bears (at least I think that's what she's from..)

this has been me lately (sadly I think my eyebrows are the same as hers right now too, as i've neglected them, amongst other things)

just the littlest things set me off

the dogs - annoy me they bark, they track in the mud from my mud pit of a yard (i'll have to take pics so u see what I mean...), they just plain annoy the hell out of me

the cat - Charlie particularly, he is an "outdoor" cat most of the time but lately he just won't go out, so he goes around meowing and just plain annoying the hell out of me and i think he totally is doing it on purpose

dishes, laundry, toilets, i dispise them all

what up with that

is it PMS? is i just being tired?

or it could be the fact that I finally weighed myself the other day and well i'm now offically the heaviest i've ever been in my life. can you say depressing! frig that really didn't help matters

so i think i'll take shrieky and just go back to my cave and not come out for awhile

mumblings

latest happenings...

not a whole lot really, I'm just coming off working the last 4 days and I am EXHAUSTED! I don't know how these people can do 7 yes SEVEN day stretches of these! omg after shift 3 I was done in then I got a call yesterday and just couldn't say no, so I worked another 3-11

one word

brutal

i was almost crying at the end of the shift, never been so physically tired

thankfully it's over and i'm feeling it today, still extremely beat and it's now almost 4 in the afternoon and i'm still in my pj's and have not brushed my hair or even looked in a mirror (don't think I want to it may scare me)

so on war and upwards as they say

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

my fav auntie Sharol (aka 2nd mommy) is coming home for 2 weeks and is arriving home tomorrow nite!! YAY! cannot wait to see her as it's been 2 1/2 months since she was last home. and oh how I miss her!!

is anyone else sick of hearing about RiRi and Chris Brown? so tired of hearing this, and even more sickening is the fact that she went back and that he will probably get out of this without losing anything. either way i'm so tired of hearing about it all

also sick of Octo mom, surely she has had her 15 minute already....although the Jimmy Kimmel joke that other night was freaking hilarious

does anyone still watch Desperate Housewives?? I came across it the other night at work and I was like "this is still on??" haven't watched it since season 2...

daylight savings time can kiss my ass

although I do enjoy the extra hour of light at the end of the day...

why am I always hungry?

think I'll watch me some YouTube..

peace out :)

Winter Wonderland

We had a major snowstorm on Feb 23rd, where we were hit with a foot and a half of snow, this was the hubs and I (and the dogs of course) 1st snowshoe adventure out, after the storm on the 25th. I wanted to get a few pics of the snowbanks and of the dogs. The one above is the hubs getting his gear on and the dogs playing and tearing around the yard. This is the backside of our house and as you can see the snow is piled pretty high

Zoey girl waiting patiently for us to get going

Snow banks and trees looking very pretty covered in snow in our back yard

The one and only pic of Riley, he never sits still this one, always on the go, unfortunately it didn't come out too well....

Zoey taking a break and rollin in the snow to get cooled off

The unbroken trail before us. This was really tough going and we had to stop every 10 minutes or so to take a break, really, really hard on the legs

The trail that we left behind us...

another pic of the trail ahead (un-broken)

the hubs and I (i'm on the left)

Zoey again, pretty tired out at this point (I was too)

and lastly the stretch right before our house, I call this the "magical forest", so pretty and peaceful

another door closes...hopefully another will open

sigh

you know how when you find a perfect job, you apply and you have high hopes that you will get this said job, but you try not to get too excited or worked up about it, brushing it all off as "if it's meant to be" and all that jazz but yet deep down knowing that you will get this job. it's perfect for you. You even have a family friend on the inside that has agreed to "put in a good word" for you.

well today, I received a letter stating that I was not qualified for this said "job" and thus out of the running. case closed.

to say that this was a blow to the gut is an understatement. it's sort of put things in perspective that I have been ignoring for months, and thus sent me into a tail spin.

i'm angry, upset, disappointed in myself

I feel like a failure

and sure, it would have been nice to have a full time job again but I know deep down that I will not be happy in an admin position. sure I could do it and after six months I would just be miserable again. and this stupid job in question was only for 1 year with possibility of renewal (i've been there done that and it didn't work out), so it's probably best in the long run but still...

which leads me back to - well what do I want to do for a living?

I DON'T KNOW!

I've never known

which just makes me even more frustrated

I can't seem to muster an ounce of motivation to do anything. I'm supposed to be studying and learning medical terminology which could possibly land me a job at the hospital. But do you think I have picked the book up at all?

the answer is no, why i'm not sure, i'm just so confused, angry and bitter right now I don't seem to want to do anything and I have been this way for months. I can't seem to snap out of it.

maybe this kick to the stomach will get me going (I doubt it)

but I need to do something, I just wish I could have someone tell me what I need to do, of course that would be to easy.

and on top of all that i'm super emotional lately, I could just cry and cry and that's pretty much all i've done since I read that stupid letter this morning. which is probably my hormones, cuz yes, I finally went off the birth control pill. not that I want to get pregnant right now but I may in 4-6 months, who knows and I've been on the pill for at least 10 years and seeings how heavy my last period was it makes me wonder how natural it is for us to take that in the 1st place. On the pill I did well to bleed maybe 1 or 1 1/2 days, off the pill I went 7 and then some. I was sort of freaked out by how much I bled. So I wanted to get it out of my system, stupid probably and I may just go back on it. I don't know!

i have so many thoughts running through my head right now I can't keep it all straight

just another day in my ho hum life

81st Academy Awards - Red Carpet Rundown - "The Bad"

ok, so I'm a bit rusty and I didn't actually watch any of the awards (I have an excuse I was working) but I just can't help but go through my pics of the nights worst and best dressed. so here are a few of the bad

not sure where to begin with this...I mean I hate to diss her she's a legend and all but comon! This is so something straight from the early 80's. When I watched the video back of her presenting I thought she had on sparkly gloves but it's apparently sleeves as obviously seen here, and the puffy cloud mess at the bottom is horrendous! and the color looks like baby puke, not that I've seen much baby puke but that's what it is. awful just awful. but hell if I look as good as her at her age...gotta give her some credit

oh Amy Adams, I love red but somehow when I look at you I think of spiderman? perhaps it's the weird black webbing around your bosom? not exactly sure but that's what comes to mind. Love the necklace but again not with this dress! there is just too much going on with the webbing and the piece that is pulled up and pinned to your breasts! do you have small chest syndrome like me? I have no other reason why a designer would do this to you

this is Amanda something or other, who stared in Mama Mia! this girl is as cute as a button, but this dress makes her look like a Christmas present. not. a. good. thing. bad shoes, bad necklace and BIG bow. yuck!

I think this is Melissa George (dunno who or what she has been in), and the only reason I put this here is because I cannot stand mermaid gowns! and why do they always appear? every year like a bad habit. all tight and snug fitting up top and then a big pile of fluff at the bottom, it just doesn't look right to me

and lastly we have Justin Timberlake's GF Jessica Biel. I've filed this under the category of What the Hell! again I think the designer didn't know quite what to do with the extra bit of fabric. Should I go over the shoulder...or no why not make a big half lumpy bow and run it down the front of the dress....geesh! what a sloppy pile of goods that is. messy hair, messy dress and yes I hate her a bit for nabbing the love of my life (he just doesn't know it)


UPDATE - Honorable Mentions go to:

Miley Cyrus

Tilda Swinton

Whoppi Goldberg

bad, bad blogger

yes, i've forgotten about you again dear old blog. but I have a good excuse. I've been working a lot and actually have good news. I obtained a temp part-time position which guarantees me at least 2 days a week and gasp - a schedule. which I have missed dearly. being on a "call basis" sucked cuz you never knew if and when they would call. I can pick up as many days as I want in between, if I don't feel or want to work I don't have too. and right now i'm so tired and played out I don't want to, i'm not booked again until the weekend so I may just veg all week.

i had intended to blog about the grammy's but obviously that never happened. and who else is so sick and tired of hearing about Chris Brown and Ri Ri?? God. enough already! I will say this though, I think he should be punished, especially where this is so public, whether it be jail time (prob not but he will pay a hefty fee i'm sure to get out of it) and he can probably say good bye to his career.

oh, and enough about octo mom to please!!! this girl is soooooo whacked and messed up. should not be allowed to have her kids.

and that's all I got - for now

gotta catch up with you all

latest addiction

i go through phases where i am totally addicted to something, usually it's a computer game (Sims), blogging was big for awhile but since i've been home, un-employed i've become totally addicted to YouTube. I spend hours on there (yes, I have no life)

there are soooo many things on there it is insane!!

old t.v. shows, commercials, figure skating, fat people dancing and sooo much more

and it's all there for me to watch!!

about a month ago I watched all 3 Anne of Green Gables movies on there which I hadn't seen since I was a kid

amazing

this has to be the best invention EVER

game day

it's Superbowl Sunday!!

do I watch football

no

do I really care who wins

no

do I still tune in and watch (not all of it, but at least some)

yes, well mostly for the commercials but still

everybody talks about the Superbowl, why, not exactly sure but it's HUGE

so who do you think will win?

Steelers or Cardinals?? I think Cardinals

brrrr

ok so i know I live in Atlantic Canada and that winter is usually cold and all but c'mon already!! it's been frickin freezing here for like the past 2 weeks. not fun.

you know it's pretty cold out when the inside of your nose freezes instantly...

but on the positive side we almost have January over and done with. Man I hate January it's almost up there with November what dreary loooong months they are.

finally got my EI today!! woot woot! which is good cuz my work has died down big time went from 3 days a week to 1 (shitty). but I take what I can get, cuz its nice to get out even if it's one day. i was getting cabin fever and uber down/depressed. i'm hoping something will open up soon in either admin or part time in housekeeping (keep your fingers crossed)

other than that it's same old same old in my neck of the woods

Friday Five

haven't done one of these in ages either, and seeings how i'm trying to get back into the whole blogger routine, why not go with something old and faithful?

these are the five latest tunes that i'm digging right now

Beyonce - Diva

John Legend ft Andre 3000 - Green Light

Pussy Cat Dolls - I hate this part (this sticks in my head and will not get out! not so sure that's a good thing....)

Katy Perry - Thinking of you

All American Rejects - Give you hell

Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire (Live At V Festival)

this is my new fav band and while I couldn't post the video (which you can appreciate his hotness even more in) that was made for this, I found a live version which is still AMAZING!

luv this song, luv the lead singer

~enjoy~

quick update

gosh it's been a long time since i've been on here actually typing something, part of it is due to severe laziness other parts just because my life is very boring right now, sure I could write about horror stories of things that i've seen or cleaned at work but who wants to read about someone cleaning up some old persons shit? ya can thank me for that one later

just a whole lot of meh

i have no ambition to do much of anything, I work usually about 3 days out of a 7 day week and the rest of the time i just veg

*note ~ I still have not received my EI (fuckers), they probably think I make to much money

not to exciting

i have however discovered that I must have arthritis in my ankles and knees as some days after working a hard shift I can barely walk. not cool. I feel like i'm old, really old. not sure what is up with that and may have to make a trip to the wizard cuz i can't live like that forever

what else is new...?

I saw Marley and Me and cried my eyes out

skipped this years Golden Globes (not sure why)

and that's about it

ups and downs of 2008

well Christmas is over for another year (thank god), oh how I love and loathe the holidays, but we got through them.

and one can't help but reflect back on the year as good ole new year's eve is right around the corner. and while I can't remember all that 2008 contained here are a few highs and low lights (i may ad/edit more later)

let's start with the lows to get them out of the way shall we

* the biggie was losing yet another job in late October early November, the business that I was employed at folded up and shut down for good, and while I had an idea that it was coming I still wasn't prepared for it

* spent majority of the year depressed, anxious and just not happy at this said job wanting to leave but not leaving and sea sawing on that decision until the doors shut in my face

* watching my favorite auntie and 2nd mum pack up and leave for the wild west (aka Fort McMurray) in late May

* suffered through one of the worst winter's our area has seen in a very long time, snow, snow and more snow it just never seemed to end



on the positive side

* got to see Cats in February with my mom, aunt, Jilly in Halifax - one word amazing

* Jilly & Mark's wedding in May in the Dominican Republic, one week in paradise and a wedding in the middle. tons of memories, Lot's of laughs, truly a remarkable experience

* celebrating my 28th birthday, this was one of the best birthday's in recent memory. all of my co-workers chipped in and bought a cake, we ordered in pizza for lunch, they sang happy birthday, then my hubby takes me out for dinner. a perfect day

* NKOTB in September need I say anything more?

* discovering that I am going to be an aunt come June as Jilly & Mark are expecting!!

Happy Holidays!

this makes me all warm and fuzzy inside

a whole new world

so I have found a job, well sort of

i'm becoming a casual employee at our local hospital, which is an on-call basis, they can't guarantee me hours and it's shift work, so my plan is to still file for my EI (which I probably won't get before Christmas, here's to hoping that i do..) and have the EI as backup in case I don't get a lot of hours, but my feeling or take from the guy that interviewed me it sounds like that won't be an issue

now as to what i'll be doing i'm not so keen on that, i'll be doing housekeeping, aka Janitorial work, which for me i've never done, it's hard honest work and while I don't have an issue doing the work i'm just concerned as to how i'm going to adapt. coming from all office experience and sitting at a desk for the past oh seven years it's going to be a challenge. and my family didn't nickname me flea if it didn't fit, i'm small, puny (or I was then, i've since gained a few pounds) and weak. honestly, i'm a lazy ass, no two ways about it.

but

i think I need this change. I just want to go work hard and come home and not have to stress about work stuff, and the pay is better than what I would be making should I go the whole office route again and the bigger AND is that it opens a lot of doors, once in as a casual I can apply for any openings available whether it be administration or another department to become full time. which is HUGE, this will open a BIG door (or I hope).

so it's a whole new world

i'm scared but I think it will be a good thing

i'm also sad as tomorrow will be my last day at my current (now old) job, which is so weird but yet i'm happy to finally have it all over and done with.

time to move on

i robot

i feel like a robot

i'm just going through all the motions of life but I feel empty and numb

here is what my day consists of:

drag by butt ouf of bed (literally)
go to work in an empty office and process refunds all day
drive home
cook super for 1 (hubs is still working away all week)
play with dogs
get fire going
watch mindless t.v
maybe work on baby quilt for brother in law & wife's new son for x-mas (not likely)
go to bed around 11 wake up every morning around 2:30 -3 and then toss and turn until time to get up and do it all over again

sigh

i'm tired, achey and i know i'm depressed, i just can't seem to pick myself up or think of anything positive

no luck on the job front/hunt either

look like i'll be filing for EI which may take up to six weeks to get 1st payment

not good

esp when the hubs will be filing after next week also

needless to say that we will not be doing Christmas this year

fun times in the Maritimes

beat of my heart

so i deleted my post about taking a break, who am i kidding i can't take a break from here, sure I can go a few weeks without posting but to leave that post on here was just sort of eating away at me, so it's gone and i'm moving on

my mental state of mind still isn't anywhere near 100% but i'm doing ok

i had a mini meltdown last week which I think helped a lot

still don't have another job lined up and only have 1 more week of work left before the whole business is closed for good. i'm still coming to terms with all of this and almost feel like i've had a death in the family as i'm truly going to miss my fellow co-workers and hurt for them as they are also going to be un-employed like me in a tough economy right now and hardly any jobs available in our area. it's just truly heartbreaking

but i am coming to terms with it all, being here with only 1 other admin and seeing the furniture being taken away, all the pictures off the walls it's just so empty, quiet but it's closure

which is something

as i sit here looking out my office window I can see the town crew getting ready for our annual yearly Victorian Christmas (at this point I don't even want to think of Christmas) and midnight madness which I feel they put on waaaay to early but that is a topic for another day

peace out