happy Earth day!

well, ok it's almost over (2 hrs left and counting..) but better late than never

I've never really been a big recycle freak, but I try to do my part. we don't leave lights on, un-plug stuff that we don't use, try not to waste water, yadda yadda. the simple stuff you know. but today Oprah's show really hit me, like I had my ah-HA moment. perhaps it didn't help that I recently watched the movie 2012 and I'm now certain that the end is near, or better yet it's the "mommy" syndrome setting in and i'm thinking of her future. and the rate we are going I don't think its looking good.

depressing as hell but so true

that ginormous pile of garbage in the pacific ocean is beyond horrible and it's all OUR fault

and the slaughtering of dolphins, shocking, horrifying beyond words (I cried)

how did we get this way?
why do we waste so much?

don't know

don't think will ever know but we need to stop

so i'm going to try just a little bit harder to go "green". I want to start a compost, in fact we are even going to plant our first garden this year. I want to start using chemical free products (mostly cleaning stuff as it is bad for the baby) and I just want to learn as much as I can about it all so that I can make a difference. I feel empowered and excited for the first time in a long time

blah, blah blah

I promised myself that I would do better with posting but finding it hard to come up with something that people would want to read or just something at all to write.

I'm sure none of you want to hear about me breast pumping my boobs and feeling like a jersey cow - MOO!

or how I have been peed on (FYI - cheap diapers SUCK and LEAK like a mofo) & puked on

or how I will just randomly babble in baby talk to myself even when miss lily is no where in sight

can you say mommy brain

ugh

and i'm also doing things that I swore up and down BEFORE I had a child that I would never do when I became a parent.

case in point: sleeping in the same bed

I watched/heard other people battle with their screaming child (toddler), in fact I think they probably still sleep with them but anyways, I swore I would never do this, that they had their own bed and blah blah blah. well, never say never because it is the simplest, most convenient thing to do and sometimes when you are breastfeeding and severely tired you just can't help dozing off for a few minutes and then next thing you know it's an hour later, your boob is still hanging out and the baby is zonked out cold and your like OMG WHERE THE HELL AM I!? and you wipe off the drool, scoop up the baby put her in her crib and fall back into a dead sleep and faguely remember doing all that the next day. and then other times it is the only, ONLY way they will go to sleep. and then there are other times that its just nice to have a cozy nap together in the afternoon. I am so going to have a screaming toddler aren't I? or am I over thinking all of this??

i'm sure I had more things listed in my head at one time but sadly they have left my one track brain (probably to never return) so I guess I am moving on to other topics.

I am missing Boston Rob BIG time from Survivor, in fact I even shed a tear when he was kicked off. boo. and it's just not the same any more.

YAY! for Glee finally being back on

and yes it is pathetic that my life revolves around t.v. in fact I think that is the only thing keeping me a little sane....

and alas i'm out of words. over and out

picture time

hope everyone had a happy and safe Easter holiday! will try to get a written post done up in the next day or two

march in review

wow it's the 31st of March already! I could almost do a happy dance as winter is almost (surely) behind us.

yet another month has gone by in a blur

what can I say about March of 2010 other than holy wow the weather was fantabulous! for almost 2 weeks I was out everyday with baby girl walking or snowshoeing. very warm/mild and more importantly sunny! I felt great these weeks like I was almost back to normal and then well the weather shifted and I feel like shit, ok, it's not that bad but it's totally the weather blues.

many visits this month with friends and family (so lots of road trips or running the roads as the hubs likes to call it)

a surprise visit from my favorite auntie on the 19th for a week was another bonus

changes in Lily this month:

- lots of laughs and giggles

- plenty of smiles

- talking (well in baby talk) lots of a-goos & razzing noises

- reaching and grasping at things (loves to pull mommy's hair)

- holding her head up better & stronger every day

her personality is starting to come out which is so fun. overall I couldn't ask for a better baby, she sleeps good, she eats good and hardly ever cries or fusses (for now). I am trying to just enjoy every minute and not fret and worry about my future work plans. I wish I could just hit pause sometimes and just stay in this moment as she totally worships me and her daddy right now, when she sees either one of us she just lights right up (makes my heart melt a little)

i promise to post pics soon

so long March!!!

another one bites the dust

quickie post coming up but at least it is a post...


so I didn't get into the 2nd course that I applied for either, which left me very upset. actually no, I was major upset and flew into a tail spin (aka hissy fit), I cried, I yelled and then I cried some more. I thought I didn't have my hopes up but I guess I sort of did...so now I don't really know what my future holds work wise and frankly i'm done worrying about it at least until summer is over.


that is one thing I am very, very grateful for is that we have a one year mat leave option (even though the pay is paltry to say the least at least it is there)

sigh

i'm sort of feeling dim and low actually, perhaps it is the weather as it went from very warm/mild/sunny to bleak, cold and windy within a week

or perhaps i'm a tad bit depressed

there I said it

I shouldn't be at all but that blackness is there

la de da happy thoughts happy thoughts cannot let it in again

I need a girls day out

or hair therapy

or a $5000 shopping spree...wouldn't that be fun!

and i'm over and out for now, must sleep

another weekly update

umm nothing really new with me actually but I am setting a goal this year to at least try to post weekly and well it's been a week since my last rant. so here I am again. sadly though it seems like the few blogs that I have been reading haven't been updated, so where is everyone at? on vacay? or just not blogging?

boo on there not being a survivor episode this week, I look forward to my weekly dose of Boston Rob so shame on you CBS

and OMG lost, where to start? I feel like the last few shows have been a tad disappointing, they hype it up so much and then nothing! so next weeks show had better be good

I finally got a new camera so you will probably be bombarded with pictures of my precious one, so don't say I didn't warn you. or I may just not as i'm lazy when I do have a free minute

ah what else...

the weather has remained so far fantabulous for March, in fact it feels more like April and I have to constantly remind myself that indeed it is still March. craziness but I love it!

and I've been walking almost every day and feel a lot better a)knowing that I am at least making an effort to get in shape and b)getting outside in the fresh air

it's amazing how good you feel after

oh and surprize!

my auntie Sharol is home again! woot woot love the last minute, unplanned surprize trips, so she's home for 8 days

and that's a weekly wrap for ya!

over and out

still crabby abby

i'm still a bit crabby and irritable as ole hell but i'm trying but man oh man it's hard

went shopping today and wanted to cry/scream as the clothes just didn't look pretty, and therefore didn't make me feel pretty. it's weird as I feel almost back to normal size wise, other than the deflated tire that is my abdomen (aka baby harvester) and I really only need to lose about 15 pounds to be back to where I was pre-pregnancy and you honestly wouldn't think it would make that much of a difference but holy hell I guess it does!

ugh

and I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself it has only been about 3 1/2 months and I can't just snap my fingers and be back to normal but man I wish

I just wish sometimes you know...

sigh

didn't watch the oscars, don't really care about them honestly so no fashion run down this year

don't give a rats ass either about Idol this year, it really, really needs to be the last year for this show. just not the same anymore and sadly I must admit that I do indeed miss paula a little. and while I normally love Ellen, she's coming across wrong or something I can't quite pinpoint it...nerves perhaps? dunno, don't care, not watching

two shows that I cannot miss are LOST and Survivor

highlights of my life

well other than miss lily

who is just utterly amazing and probably the only person I can't be a craby abby to, no matter how tired I am

over and out ~ shut eye time

mid life crisis?

so i've been in sort of a funk, or more like anxiety ridden, depressed, out of sorts and I can't really figure out why

ok, no that isn't true I can pinpoint what it is

I had a baby

and while I love her more than my life it's totally spun me in new directions. I mean I knew it would change my life but yet I don't think I really grasped it until it happened.

everything and I mean everything is different

I'm late for everything now, I never in my life was ever late for anything. no matter how organized I try to be (mind you it is getting better/easier with practice) i'm at least 10-15 minutes late

I can't just pick up and leave anymore I have to have a game plan

when I hear bad news about other small children either being sick, injured, hurt or killed I cry (example the children in Haiti) and am heartbroken and sick to my stomach at the thought of anything happening to her

I am not number one anymore, hunger, the need to pee, shower, whatever can wait until she is happy and or asleep

i'm just having a time of it all and can't quite comprehend that i'm a mother

add in on top of that i'm going to be the big 3 0 this year and you can say mid life crisis - hello!

oh

and I also didn't get into 1 of the programs for school in the fall (still waiting on the other but i'm thinking it doesn't look good either).

so i'm bummed out

and I have no clue what my plan is for the fall

as of right now I don't want to work at all, I would be happy/content to just stay home with her but financially we can't do that

i'm freaking out here

February Rewind

It's the last and final day of February and yet another month has gone by in baby girls life, and while I would love to say that this month has flown by like January this one seemed to drag on a bit...perhaps due to the non-stop footage of the Olympics (now don't get me wrong I do enjoy watching the Olympics but c'mon already 24/7 is a bit much) and thus resulting in endless mindless days in front of the TV watching speed skating, skiing, bobsledding and whatever else they subjected us to, cuz frankly there was absolutely nothing else on TV

so lets recap February shall we

the 1st week started off well enough my very special auntie (aka 2nd mommy) was home from Alberta for 2 wks so lots of time was spent with her and she even surprised us by flying my sister home for a couple of days, which was awesome. love surprises or un-planned events.

we took our 1st overnight trip with the babies to Moncton for a shopping trip, well, there wasn't much shopping done but at least we made our 1st overnight outing. it was freezing the days that we were down there which sort of hampered things but it was family time together with all my girls.

I haven't been doing my DVD which I spent like $100 on, not sure why other than I can't seem to even find 10 minutes (well it would be 20 you do two together), in those 10 minutes I can do dishes, pick up toys, brush my teeth or hair...you get my drift. I have however been doing or taking lots of walks with the hubs & Lily as the weather this month has been super mild and just plain fantastic

we also had another play date with Lily's friends, this time at my house, which was another success. so nice to talk with other moms and to just socialize with people other than the hubs or family

did I mention that I have been watching nothing but the Olympics?

also had Lily's 3 month mark, she's changing and growing so much! spent this day by getting her pictures done by a local friend. was a bit of a challenge as she was tired and a bit fussy but I'm hoping we got a few good shots

and that's about it, it's been a short month but man it feels like that 1st week was a lifetime ago

so now bring on March lets see what you have in store!

over and out! :P

strike a pose

star light, star bright

why does a person chew, and chew her nails until they bleed? like really I know I shouldn't do it but yet when i'm bored, anxious, nervous, worried whatever they are in my mouth

sadly looks like i've passed this trait onto miss lily as she is constantly chewing on her fingers!

why can't I read miss bina's blog anymore? it's asking me for a login and then says I haven't been invited?

same goes for a few other blogs that I used to read

lately I do well to come here though and check the blogs that I love and enjoy (ie. swishy, WC & beth)

I sent off applications for school last week!!

eek!!

hating my hair ~ again

perhaps I'll just shave my head a la Britney Spears

ok

maybe not

getting Lily's 3 month pictures done tomorrow. i'm nervous and excited about this hoping she co-operates and doesn't scream the whole time....

and that's about all I have - off to catch up with the rest of you

over and out

NeverShoutNever! - What Is Love? [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

I happend to hear this song one day on MuchMusic and ever sense I can't get enough of it. It's catchy and the words hit home with me.

had to share it

boring!

i'm sick of the Olympics already

however

I am happy that we finally won GOLD @ home

I was mortified and sick to my stomach and angry that CTV showed the footage of the Luger that was killed in that accident. i'm still haunted and sickened by it all. sad. sad. sad

i'm sick of hearing that gay ass stupid "I believe" song (will not get out of my head, who knew two words could be so evil?)

i'm tired of winter, even though compared to last year (snow wise) we have had it pretty easy

i'm glad V day is over for another year, man I hate that holiday

i'm tired of just being well tired

i'm tired of wearing the same clothes and having nothing fit and wishing that 10 pounds would magically disappear from my body

I would also love to have a personal chef prepare my meals

i'm tired of being indecisive

cannot make a decision

i keep flip flopping on the idea of going back to school

do I take the easy option and just improve upon my current skills or take a risk and take an entire different direction?

I JUST DON'T KNOW

and i'm driving myself insane

stupid olympics, yeah that's right I blame you

surprize!

no i'm not pregnant again

and I didn't win the lotto but I got the next best thing

my sister is home for a short stint

and the best part (or worst depending on how you look at it) was that it wasn't planned it was just a spur of the moment thing.

so sometimes surprizes can be a good thing

so we've been cramming in as much time together as possible and sadly she leaves tomorrow (boo)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

OMG how good was LOST last week?

I have no idea where they are going with this and I am so looking forward to this last season I have even restrained myself from reading spoilers

it's just so darn good

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

miss Lily has been sleeping in her own room in her crib and is doing so well I think the first night was harder on her dad and I than her as we constantly were checking in on her. I don't know where or what I think will happen to her in there as she can't go anywhere but I can't help but think the worst so i'm a total paranoid wack job.

now I have a question

to pierce her ears now or to wait until she is older? I was always initially very opposed to this idea but the more I think of it I wonder if it would be easier now....

thoughts and feedback would be appreciated

and that's all I got for now

so long January...SUCKA!

man I hate the month of January, it's right up there with November (which I now can't hate so much as my lil baby was born in this month) and March, I would throw in February as well but you blink and that month is over

surprisingly this month has gone very fast for me

I have survived another month of breastfeeding, diaper changes, baths, changing of clothes, cleaning up of spit ups, waking up at 3 am for a feed barely functioning (this is where just whipping out a boob comes in really handy) and on and on it goes

we have also survived Lily's first batch of immunization needles (now that was a traumatic experience and I have been scared for life) oh how she cried! and then I wanted to cry but I'm sure she forgot about it shortly thereafter but still SO CRUEL! and yes I know in the long run it's best for her as I so wouldn't want her to get polio, or the measles but comon 3 needles in one little babies leg (2 in one leg, 1 in the other) is a bit much. it broke my heart

we also had Lily's 1st playdate with two other babies a couple of months older than her, which is nice a) because I can talk with other moms b)I get out of the house and c) they will eventually be going to school together so why not get them friends before then? I initially was hesitant to do this but I'm so glad that I did and I think we will continue to meet once a month or at least while we are all off on Mat leave

also believe it or not it has been warm enough to go on a couple of walks outside with her which has been really enjoyable

we also had our 1st "day" trip as I had to go to see a specialist 2 hrs away regarding my SVT, went to the mall successfully without incident and we have sense made trip #2 which went a little more smoothly - practice does make perfect...

so the month just blew bye

funny how time really can fly, I just want to hit pause and enjoy every moment. she's growing way to fast...sniff sniff

n'ways good riddance January

p.s

from what I have seen of the Grammy's (which is very little snippets) they sooo SUCK. Taylor Swifts performance was horrible and really akward who the hell had the idea to pair her with Stevie Nicks? and who were the bearded cowboy men singing with Guitars? bad, bad bad

cranky pants

and no it's no my precious baby, its ME

i'm so irritable and tired and just plain old cranky that nobody is safe, well, ok Lily makes me happy most of the time but even I have moments with her

sigh

i think i'm in a funk or just plain old tired

or maybe i'm pre-menstrual as I am almost done my 1st batch of birth control pills and the 1st period post pregnancy is looming (that aught to be a whopper)

i'm so angry or better yet resentful of the hubs as he can come and go as he pleases and doesn't seem to be as effected of things to do with the baby. he's sooo laid back about it all it makes me sick

i'm really annoyed with my pets too, they have so been demoted in the household...they want in they want out, they bark, there's hair everywhere and I have no time to vacuum. the damn cat was sleeping in the baby's crib (no worries she is still sleeping in her bassinet)

and it goes on and on

tomorrow is another day I sure hope it's better than today cuz I could rip someones face off today

pictures!

in honor of my baby girl being two months old today, here are a few pictures from the last few days

8 weeks old, sporting my pink camo outfit that daddy bought special just for me!

just had a bath, all clean!

Lily and I on January 19th, just got my hair all cut off & colored (too dark, not sure I like..)

cuddle time with Mommy, she loves to hold my fingers

2010 Golden Globe Fashion Run Down - The BAD

Ok, while I took a break from this last year...let's see if we can dust ourselves off and take a gander at the 2010 awards (which I failed to watch yet again)


now i'm doing this very rushed and hurried and used the 1st site that I came across for pics, and only now discovered that it's showing 2 in 1 so a few of these dresses do not apply


ok here we go




disregard the dress on the left, I love, LOVE Olivia Wilde and she rocked her dress so ignore her... The dress on the right however...meh. I love the color and she is sort of trying to go for the whole peaches and cream thing but I hate the extra fabric across the front (would you call that frilling?) and she's totally almost popping out up top. I mean I can understand as my boobs are huge right now too but keep those things in check!

next we have Amy Pohler who again I love and really her dress isn't that bad, but I must comment on her hair, not liking it that blond, in fact nobody except Gwen Stefani should have hair that blond...Girl on the right - Marion Cotillard however not so lucky. the dress from the waist up is beautiful, love the color but what is up with the whole peak-a-boo slit with the slip showing? strange, very strange

next up we have a girl I don't know and don't want to take time to google again as I can't remember what site I pulled these from. anyways she's a pepto bismal mess. bleh. again with the frilling and wtf is up with the white bow? FUGLY and hello what the hell were you thinking Tina Fey? you make me think of Mary Poppins and that you will float away if the wind was to pick up, and the shoes??!! nasty

oh Rita Wilson, where to begin with you? while I love that you are actually probably the only woman on the red carpet that represents the rest of us actual "real world" women you don't need to make it worse for yourself by wearing a dress that resembles drapery or an area rug. and Anna Paquin are you trying to audition for a new role as a stripper? cuz this is what you make me think you are in this dress, and hello stripper shoes!

and lastly who better to close with than Cher and Mimi?

can I first say that both of these photo's look like they are of wax figures? I should not be surprized as Cher has had more plastic surgery then anyone else in tinsel town. and really we have learned to accept Cher for wacky outfits on the red carpets and she once again does not fail us. I don't even know what to say about this dress really other than it's ugly, and strange and weird. now Mimi however, I do like the dress except for one small detail...there is no fabric in the front AT ALL. like hello titties. and can someone please inform miss mimi that she is no longer 20 some years old and to dress age appropriately?

anyways that's all I have time for for now

peace out

latest and greatest

so with a new year comes the typical "weight" loss/diet mode plans, and needing to shed those extra 25 pounds of baby fat I purchased this:










I have been wanting it for quite awhile, even pre-pregnancy

so it arrived the other day

and it's official I am definitely, DEFINITELY way out of shape

course I did just have a baby and a c-section so I have backup (ahem excuses I know) but anyways this shit is hard, I can still hardly walk 2 days later.

n'ways movin on don't have much time

also took in this movie the other night

now i'm a scary movie fan or I used to be, now i'm just a 29 year old wimp who is scared of the dark (probably from watching one to many scary movies).

this movie was very much like the Blair Witch project, filmed with a hand held camera and making it feel like it was "real" t.v. a bit slow in parts but man it was freaky as hell when it needed to be

and while I don't want to ruin it for anyone who wants to see it

i'll just warn you to watch it with the lights on

and that's all I got

exciting eh

lil flea is doing so well, still breastfeeding and growing like a weed. not looking forward to taking her for her two month needles in a couple of weeks...boo

over and out for now

it's Friday, i'm in love

i'm doing much, much better

and more importantly

i'm sooooo in love with my little flea flea

she's got me hook, line and sinker now

the reason

her smiles

they light up her face

oh and she actually looks at you now which just steals my heart away

it's just so amazing to me the changes in her every day

like how on one day she just all of a sudden had eyelashes

i didn't even realize that she didn't have them until they were just there

it's so hard for me to imagine my life before all of this, I know people say that all the time but it is so true. it's even harder for me to believe it's been six, yes six weeks already. and she's growing we had a Dr. appt yesterday and she is now 10 pounds! and the legs on her, holy (she sure doesn't get it from me) they just go on and on.

so yeah, i'm in love

and i'll try to blog about other stuff besides "baby" as i'm sure you are bound to get sick of hearing it but it's hard as that is my life now

over and out for now