benched

I've been benched, sidelined put out of the game

this waiting thing really, really, REALLY SUCKS!

I'm beyond uncomfortable

to all the people that have been saying all along that I will go "early" I HATE you, way to get a pregnant women's hopes up all for nothing. I'm beginning to think that she will never come out! I cannot fathom 10, TEN more days of this!!!!

so in case you are wondering - no baby...at least not yet

in loving memory

for those of you who have been with me over the years you may know that I usually do up a post or write up about a dear friend of mine - Lisa - who was tragically killed in a car accident on this day, so I always hate November 9/10th (the car crash happened on the 9th, she was taken off life support on the 10th).

this year i'm keeping it short and sweet

I can't believe it has been eight years, so much has changed, sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday as I can remember everything in such vivid detail and then days like today it feels like a whole other life ago

I miss you so much sometimes and I think of you often

you will never be forgotten

I leave you with a fav pic of mine of all us girlfriends at Marsha's wedding dance, I think this was the year before she died

left to right

Sandy, me, Marsha, Jilly and Lisa

Friends Forever

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

*WARNING* major pregnancy rant ahead, you may want to skip this post. remember you have been warned

18 days ppl

or less depending on if I "go early" or not which every single person I know seems to think that I will. so then of course I get excited and think ok today is the day, and then, nothing. this does not include the tips that people just have to tell you to "bring on labour".

like for example having lot's of sex (which the hubs is ALL over, cuz frankly he hasn't gotten much through this pregnancy) but honestly there is nothing more un-appealing or sexy about getting nekid when you are 9 months pregnant and feeling like a whale but heck i'm willing to try just about anything at this point to get this over with. and well, let's just say so far this hasn't worked yet either

then there's the good old faithful of tweaking of ones nipples, or take a drive over a bumpy road. I haven't become desperate enough (at this point) to try either of these i'm still recuperating from the traumatic sex experiences mentioned above.

when I do leave my house (which is not often) I am constantly asked, "how much longer" or "must be any day now dear" which is all well and good and nice of people to ask or care, but frankly I just want to rip there faces off

in fact I want to rip a lot of people's faces off

irritable and cranky doesn't even come close to the rage I have been feeling lately

nobody is safe

then on top of that I discover that my now sausage like legs have become stretch mark heaven, they have become my very own road map. I discovered this yesterday and had a good cry. the hubs didn't even ask as he knows better by now to just keep his mouth shut. but really, why on my legs? why! I can handle the ones on my belly at least they can be covered but the ones on my legs.....sigh i'm ruined!!!!

this old girl ain't what she used to be

I also have to deal daily with the babies feet or bum sticking waaaayyy out of my belly leaving me wondering if it will poke right through the skin as the skin does not look like it can stretch any more, but it always does. it's the weirdest, grossest yet coolest thing ever

and then there are my feet

yes, I know I've complained about them before but guess what they still are hurting like a mofo, and the swelling!! UGH! they puff all up and do not look like they belong to me at all, in fact they seem so far away at times I think that they aren't mine

another thing that I've just noticed within the past couple of weeks is that it is now even difficult to wipe my own ass

and gassy

holy hell I thought that was just something funny they made up for movies

I hadn't really had much of an issue with gas until a few weeks ago (then again most of my pregnancy up until a few weeks ago was a piece of cake!) now I could be a methane gas producer, it's that bad

and the heartburn. OMFG the heartburn/indigestion is killing me!

i keep trying to tell myself it's almost over, only a little bit left but it isn't working

fun times

fun times

no more monkeys jumping on the bed

i am going insane with boredom

INSANE!

I tell you the days are really, really long sometimes. I mean a person can only nap so much. believe me I am tired, cuz sleep and I are no longer friends, I do well to get an hour at a time through the night but lately I cannot seem to sleep through the day and naps and I used to be very good friends indeed

but not no more

my mind is constantly racing with things to do

like packing my bag for the hospital (which is practically done other than the last minute stuff that I use every day)

or cleaning out that hallway closet with all the "junk" in it, cuz who knows when I will ever get to that once baby is here

or should I bake some cookies, that would kill a half hour and hello cookie dough!

or there is always my dogs looking at me all sad and depressed like "hello, pay attention to me, take me for a walk, something, anything??" when was the last time I paid them attention?

then there is also the growing pile of pregnancy books that I have yet to read, i've got 3 or 4 on the go

so

yes there is tons for me to do

but I literally get tired in like 5 minutes

and I can't stand on my feet too long, because they are swollen and hurt like hell so I've been going in small little bursts of 15 minute cleaning sprees with several hour intervals in between.

i'm sick of the t.v (we too used to be best of friends), sick of the Internet (esp. crackbook which I seem to check every 5 minutes with nothing ever changing)

i'm just soooo bored

sure in 6 months I will probably look back at this and think, you freaking crazy crackwhore what the hell were you complaining about, enjoy the peace and quiet while you can! i'm on my 7th week of being home, not working with only the rare outing or two a week. a person can only take so much.

in other news I received my h1n1 vaccine on Monday so we can all breathe a sigh of relief (for now)

also I am now 4 weeks away from my due date

how freakin scary is that?!

showered with gifts

I had my baby shower today, which was fitting because it is also pouring rain here today. I was sort of dreading this actually (meshing my family & his always stresses me) but it really wasn't that bad at all, in fact I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and well very much loved.

kind of nice really

I think my cold bitter heart grew a little bit more today..

ok, I kid I do have a heart but I couldn't help but swell up and get a little teary at times to know that a)i'm very much loved and that b)people already love my baby too

sure there could've been a few more people there, but really I don't have many friends outside of family (i'm a bit of a loner espically of late) but there was just enough to not make me freak out and have an anxiety attack, cuz I hate being the center of attention. and the best part of all was that there were cupcakes, lot's and lot's of cupcakes. I have been craving cupcakes for most of this pregnancy. When I was working I would sit and watch that show on TLC where the guy bakes cakes and cupcakes...i'm totally drawing a blank on the name...and I would literally drool over the cupcakes. well I finally got me some today. in fact I've lost count as to how many I have eaten, I might actually have eaten one too many but omg they were sooooo good and so worth the wait. I may sneak one more before bedtime....

also the presents

who doesn't love presents?

they were all so pretty and damn my little girl is going to be sporting some pretty fancy duds let me tell you. we did VERY well. other than the odd one or two things with pooh on them (I despise Winnie the Pooh, i'm not sure why exactly or where the hate comes from but I cannot stand pooh...) everything was perfect. I couldn't have asked for nicer stuff or a better day.

I haven't felt this good in a long time

course

it could be all the sugar from the cupcakes...

just sayin

:P

fly on the wall

nothing fits me anymore, i'm freakin HUGE and i'm so sick of wearing the same maternity clothes, day in and day out. the other night I was to tired and wore a t-shirt that I could wear two months ago with my pj's and honestly it was a belly shirt gone horribly wrong. the hubs took one look at me and laughed. that BAD but I didn't change because i'm to the point that I just don't care anymore. I never thought I would get to that point either but i'm totally there.

I had an ultra sound done yesterday to see how the baby is growing due to the medication that I am on for my SVT it can cause the baby to not grow so they had to be sure she's "ok", well I could tell them that she is, as I stated above i'm huge and all along i've been measuring a couple of weeks ahead of what I should be or the "normal". well guess what, she's at about 7 pounds already and I still have 5 weeks to go! the ultrasound tech was all smug like "guess you won't be needing much for newborn stuff" and "I am betting on about 9 pounds". I wanted to take that little wand thingy that they rub on your belly and wack him in the head.

insensitive ass

on a side note from what i've googled, they can typically be two pounds off, so i'm hoping to god she's really only 5 pounds in there...

I thought I was waddling before, well, that was nothing compared to now. I feel like the baby is going to fall right out of my vagina at any moment. imagine walking around like that, go ahead try (for those of you who have been pregnant before i'm sure you know what I am talking about) try it, I bet you CAN'T!

and my feet, omg my feet I can't stand on them for longer than 5 minutes at a time without them hurting and screaming at me "GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME NOW YOU HEAVY COW!"

I have a crush on Justin Bieber

yeah, sad I know but he's so gosh darn cute...

i'm so going to jail or hell

i'll just blame it on hormones

another guilty pleasure is the t.v. show the Vampire Diaries, I was really expecting this show to be so cheesy and a Twilight rip off, but it's actually not that bad. ok, no it is sort of bad really, maybe that's why I watch? I dunno but I can't get enough. and the evil vampire brother totally steals the show

can you believe that October is almost over!?

where the hell has that gone?

i'm starting to wig out, like really, me a mom

really???

I really don't think i'm ready for this life curve ball, you get so cushy and comfy in your normal every day routine and that's all going to change. I think my main problem is that I just can't invision what life will be like once she is here, sure I know it's going to be plain hell for the first 6 weeks, no sleep, diaper changes, feedings, no time for me what gets me is the "joy", "love" everyone talks about that they instantly feel once there child is born. what if I don't have this? what if I look at her and think "it's so not worth it"?? what if I don't love her right away? what if I think she is ugly??

these are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, along with the annual nightly kickings and moving arounds

what's your bet?

honestly, I feel like a frickin race horse or something..

everyone is placing bids as to when I am going to have this kid

my "actual" due date is November 24th

I'll know more after today as I have another pre-natal apponitment as to whether or not they are talking induction so that will screw this all to hell, or I can keep it a secret and not tell when that will be.

the hubs thinks that I won't last through October and is claiming it's going to be a Halloween baby

my mom is saying I'll go early too, but I can't remember what she or even if she picked a date, but early November anyways.

so what do you think?