Monday, December 29, 2008
and one can't help but reflect back on the year as good ole new year's eve is right around the corner. and while I can't remember all that 2008 contained here are a few highs and low lights (i may ad/edit more later)
let's start with the lows to get them out of the way shall we
* the biggie was losing yet another job in late October early November, the business that I was employed at folded up and shut down for good, and while I had an idea that it was coming I still wasn't prepared for it
* spent majority of the year depressed, anxious and just not happy at this said job wanting to leave but not leaving and sea sawing on that decision until the doors shut in my face
* watching my favorite auntie and 2nd mum pack up and leave for the wild west (aka Fort McMurray) in late May
* suffered through one of the worst winter's our area has seen in a very long time, snow, snow and more snow it just never seemed to end
on the positive side
* got to see Cats in February with my mom, aunt, Jilly in Halifax - one word amazing
* Jilly & Mark's wedding in May in the Dominican Republic, one week in paradise and a wedding in the middle. tons of memories, Lot's of laughs, truly a remarkable experience
* celebrating my 28th birthday, this was one of the best birthday's in recent memory. all of my co-workers chipped in and bought a cake, we ordered in pizza for lunch, they sang happy birthday, then my hubby takes me out for dinner. a perfect day
* NKOTB in September need I say anything more?
* discovering that I am going to be an aunt come June as Jilly & Mark are expecting!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
i'm becoming a casual employee at our local hospital, which is an on-call basis, they can't guarantee me hours and it's shift work, so my plan is to still file for my EI (which I probably won't get before Christmas, here's to hoping that i do..) and have the EI as backup in case I don't get a lot of hours, but my feeling or take from the guy that interviewed me it sounds like that won't be an issue
now as to what i'll be doing i'm not so keen on that, i'll be doing housekeeping, aka Janitorial work, which for me i've never done, it's hard honest work and while I don't have an issue doing the work i'm just concerned as to how i'm going to adapt. coming from all office experience and sitting at a desk for the past oh seven years it's going to be a challenge. and my family didn't nickname me flea if it didn't fit, i'm small, puny (or I was then, i've since gained a few pounds) and weak. honestly, i'm a lazy ass, no two ways about it.
i think I need this change. I just want to go work hard and come home and not have to stress about work stuff, and the pay is better than what I would be making should I go the whole office route again and the bigger AND is that it opens a lot of doors, once in as a casual I can apply for any openings available whether it be administration or another department to become full time. which is HUGE, this will open a BIG door (or I hope).
so it's a whole new world
i'm scared but I think it will be a good thing
i'm also sad as tomorrow will be my last day at my current (now old) job, which is so weird but yet i'm happy to finally have it all over and done with.
time to move on
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
i'm just going through all the motions of life but I feel empty and numb
here is what my day consists of:
drag by butt ouf of bed (literally)
go to work in an empty office and process refunds all day
cook super for 1 (hubs is still working away all week)
play with dogs
get fire going
watch mindless t.v
maybe work on baby quilt for brother in law & wife's new son for x-mas (not likely)
go to bed around 11 wake up every morning around 2:30 -3 and then toss and turn until time to get up and do it all over again
i'm tired, achey and i know i'm depressed, i just can't seem to pick myself up or think of anything positive
no luck on the job front/hunt either
look like i'll be filing for EI which may take up to six weeks to get 1st payment
esp when the hubs will be filing after next week also
needless to say that we will not be doing Christmas this year
fun times in the Maritimes
Friday, November 14, 2008
my mental state of mind still isn't anywhere near 100% but i'm doing ok
i had a mini meltdown last week which I think helped a lot
still don't have another job lined up and only have 1 more week of work left before the whole business is closed for good. i'm still coming to terms with all of this and almost feel like i've had a death in the family as i'm truly going to miss my fellow co-workers and hurt for them as they are also going to be un-employed like me in a tough economy right now and hardly any jobs available in our area. it's just truly heartbreaking
but i am coming to terms with it all, being here with only 1 other admin and seeing the furniture being taken away, all the pictures off the walls it's just so empty, quiet but it's closure
which is something
as i sit here looking out my office window I can see the town crew getting ready for our annual yearly Victorian Christmas (at this point I don't even want to think of Christmas) and midnight madness which I feel they put on waaaay to early but that is a topic for another day
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
well, not anymore!
as of yesterday, I and the rest of my co-workers were laid off due to the "economy" and local competition.
yes there is more to it than that but I am not going into it all here
that makes it now
7 (yes SEVEN) jobs that I have changed all within the past FOUR years
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
speaking of said armpit why does the hair under my right armpit grow faster than the left side, and also, i get painful ingrown hairs on said right side which turn into these big red ugly bumps which I can't help but squeeze and pick at (with my trustee tweezers) until I find the said unwanted ingrown hair....
i've also found facial hair (which I pluck if I find one, good ole tweezers once again to the rescue!) on my chin & side of my face (sideburns!! OMG)
or how bout discovering I have wrinkles??
or better yet the fat rolls that were never there before...
i'm getting OLD!!!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
and while I normally don't reflect and give thanks (it's all about the food and having an extra day off normally), I finally get what it is all about
i'm thankful for
having both parents support and love me unconditionally
having 2 sisters who listen and give me love, advice and everything else that sisters do
having a husband who loves me even with all my faults
for having a roof over my head
that I have food to eat
that I am healthy
and lastly thanks to you my blogger friends, you've been there to read and offer me your advice as well
and for that
I say Thanks!
now it's Turkey Time!!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
i've been avoiding a lot lately, one has been blogging here, which is bad, as this is where i usually come to rant and get it all out. lately i've been penting it all in
i don't even know where it started or how it all began and i don't even know what to write here
it could be the fact that i own 2 houses (who the hell has 2 houses?)
it could be the fact that I have people lined up to buy house #2 but we can't seem to work things out with the bank to process this (loooong story)
it could be the fact that I am unhappy at my job and do not make the money that I deserve or should
it could be the fact that we are in major debt (ties in with lines 1 and 2) and the economy is going all to hell
it could be the fact that my husband works away all week and is only home on the weekend and I feel like our relationship is straining and going in the wrong direction
it could be the fact that I feel terribly alone most of the time and so very helpless
it could be that i'm finally admitting to a lot of these things that i've been avoiding for months that it's all hitting me just now like a hard blow to the gut
i just want it all to go away
i hate this panicky feeling
i hate the fact that I worry so much about things I have no control over
or how the littlest things lately set me off
i feel and fear that my mind is slipping and i'm going crazy
and i don't know how to fix it
Monday, September 22, 2008
what i've been up to the last 72 hours
6 hrs spent driving to Moncton to board shiteous train 2 Montreal
30 + of those hours spent on a GD train (holy f@*%! I HATE trains) *may get into another day in another post - no promises
10 + hrs spent shopping/walking around Montreal (my feet are TIRED and HURT)
4 hrs at the NKOTB concert = PRICELESSS
*more 2 come later - must sleep now
Thursday, September 04, 2008
i'll tell you what this little girly does
cuz when i'm stressed/pre-menstrual and battling the red tide i like to freakin eat
ice cream (check)
fudge (check), evil lady came by the office today selling it, ate the whole damn box and for your info it was peanut butter & chocolate, so yummy)
french fries (check)
and whilst eating all of this junk what better to do with your time than sit on the couch and watch mindless t.v
gossip girl - new season started monday (check)
90210 - new series launched on tuesday (check)
bones - new season started on wednesday (check)
my stomach is so bloated and full of goobbly gunk that I could probably pass for a lady at least 3 months pregnant. seriously that bad, i'd take a photo but that would further depress me and cause even more stress and further binging
why do I get like this? i'm like a freakin hoover I could just eat and eat
not cool people not cool
and I was supposed to be on a diet
Friday, August 22, 2008
and lo and behold it is finally like 30+ degrees here and i'm stuck at work
well as you can see i'm not actually working, sure I have tons of stuff to do but do you think I can make myself do anything productive today. hell no! instead i'm mindlessly surfing and staring out the window at traffic going by, wishing I was poolside.
2 more hours of this people! this has to be the slowest freakin day EVER!!! all I want is to go home, head to the pool (@ my mommie's) and sip on a cold wine cooler or something. sigh and just cuz I want the day to be over it is dragging on and on and on...
on a positive note though I went to watch Mama Mia last night and let me tell you I freakin loved loved this movie. it was soooo good. I laughed, I cried and I laughed some more. and meryl streep, all I can say is WOW she blew me away, i've never really been a huge fan of her's but I am now. and yes I am a big ABBA fan/lover as I grew up on there music as my mom always listened to there tunes. i have several fond memories of us going on vacay to P.E.I and listening/signing along to ABBA, so this movie truly hit me on a personal level as well. so i'd give it a 5 out of 5 but I am biased.
anyways guess i should pretend to be working again
peace the spork out
and happy friday biatches!!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
chah, how dare it
most times it's cuz i picked it (admit it we all pick our noses) and scratched it or something but today not the case.
it just started gushing out like a freakin tap, everywhere and I could totally feel it running out, so I sort of panicked and started screaming "WHY THE HELL AM I BLEEDING!" and "I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!" whilst searching for some GD Kleenex (which seems to be missing, so I opted for TP instead, and I may mention, why the hell is that stuff so hard to get off the roll when you are in a hurry??)
it was all over my hands and still gushing after I found Kleenex and applied the proper "pinching technique" that the hubs instructed I do, which, well, obviously worked cuz i'm not bleeding to death
how traumatic was that??
i'm not usually grossed out by blood but to see my own coming out so freaking fast....
anyways, I had to get that out of the system and now I have to go get the hubs who has decided to take my yoga ball (which I never use) and make it a play toy for the dogs. so I must get it back
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I haven't felt like much of anything of late
the weather has been crap for about 4 weeks now, pretty much rain, rain and oh yeah, more rain
which makes me sleepy, irritable and a whole lot of crankiness - and also asking where the hell did my summer go??
and I thought you wouldn't want to read all that here
i've got nothing, everything is just "meh"
not even the Olympics can get me excited
so i may or may not post again for awhile
Friday, July 18, 2008
gotten drunk (on a Thursday) to try to take the annoying eye twitch away and not have it work?
just a little bit worried about our economy?
been conserving their gas by driving slower, cuz I have and i've noticed that people on the highways aren't quite moving along as they used to
just been so caught up in life that you haven't got 2 minutes to sit and blog or work on a baby quilt for a friend, or just whatever, but yet at the same time somewhat loving every minute of summer because it will be gone before we know it
did anyone else catch the new show on CBS about dogs and their owner's living in this HUGE mansion trying to compete to be Amercia's best dog. I somehow ended up watching this last Thursday and at 1st I was like how freaking stupid but then I watched the whole hour and I missed last nights show, i'll have to find it online now to get caught up. and how cute is the small town boy with the boxer? yummy! i hope they win
completely in love with Will & Twitch on So you think you can dance. OMG these two are amazing dancers and they are also built/hot. Love how they always have Will performing without his shirt on
and that's kinda all I got at the moment, hope everyone else is doing well
Thursday, July 03, 2008
did my hormones change? sure, I know I am heavier than i've probably ever been in my life, and yes it's god forsaken hot here right now. but me sweating. never. happened. people I swear. in fact I always used to brag about NOT sweating. guess karma is kicking me in the ass right now and laughing right in my face.
not cool people. not cool. esp cuz where i never used to sweat sometimes I forget to put the deodorant on and that is just bad
i always associated that smelly smell with that kid in gym class, you know the geek/nerdy one that's so not an athlete and so out of shape that they sweat like a mofo, like I mean t-shirt soaking wet sweat and ugh the smell!! I just find it so repulsive and now i'm that fat kid out of shape.
i need to go on a diet and get some better deodorant
and you know how I know that I need to diet...
well, my panties are to small for starters, which is such a pain in the ASS literally, I don't think i've ever picked my ass so much as I have the last week or so, and i've noticed that some shirts aren't quite fitting so well, like oh say not able to button them any more
did I mention that it is extremely hot, therefore the laziness kicks in and I don't want to exercise or cook so i'm eating junk
i'm my own worst enemy
i think it stopped thundering/raining I might take the dogs for a run
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
dunno what is wrong with me lately but i'm so tired/lazy. could. sleep. 24 hrs. I swear no word of a lie. and while I have been busy/stressed with stuff.
hubs and I purchased my grandmother's house/property (as we lived just above her) and we wanted the land NOT the house, but they wouldn't sell without the house, which I understand as proprty value in our little community is shitty and that is putting it gently. anyways long story short we now have a 2nd mortgage and we are left to clean out her house as the fam dam (the brothers) didn't want to clean it out. Mean while it is left to pretty much me, the hubs and my mom to go through ALL and i mean there is a lot of just stuff. what does one do with it all? have a yard sale?? but who would buy it, honestly i'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do with myself. and I so don't want to organize a yard sale, i've never done or had one and have no clue where to start...
said grandmother above is well an issue itself. she is in early stages of dementia and was doing very well in her new accomodations (at first). then she had a set back. and while I can't or am not willing to share it all here it is just sad and frustrating as she is sinking deeper into the depths of dementia and I'm losing my grandmother and seeing my mom trying to cope with it ALL isn't exactly helping either
so needless to say, i need to "check out" which is sad cuz I just had a vacay like a month ago
perhaps I can get a "check out" this weekend i'm hoping to lay low and just "chill"
that's what's been on my mind, just thought I would bring ya'll up to speed
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
In the 80's there was an actual movie made (not the cheap cartoon, hate that) called Alice in Wonderland through the Looking Glass (or something like that - pic above), with a white and dark night, the jabberwalkie, etc. I loved this movie. In fact I loved it so much I hunted it down on eBay and bought both VHS tapes. yeah, crazy I know but I had to have it. (i'll google it and try to post a pic for ya later)
just one of those things
also another one of those things and the reason i'm so off topic here is that I hate, hate being late for anything. doesn't matter what it is, if I have an appointment i have to be on time or early. in fact I think i inherited this from my father as he doesn't like to be late either, I was early for my own wedding. who the hell is early for their wedding! isn't the bride supposed to be late??
anyways, so whenever i'm late I always here that damn rabbit in my head from Alice in Wonderland screaming "I"M LATE, I'M LATE, I'M LATE LATE LATE!"
weird i know, but I can't help it
and it totally puts me on edge
oh, and I also hate when things do not go my way
can't I control everything? I feel like I could turn into the hulk here....
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
hee! don't ask, this is after one to many daiquiris
musical trio that was playing while the bride walked in & after the ceremony, this truly made it a "festive" affair. If i was technically inclined I would load the video for you so you could hear it, but that ain't going to happen. sorry. but the pic will have to do
the bride & dad walking in (I love the look on Jill's face, she looks so happy!)
bride & groom celebrating with a toast
Thursday, May 29, 2008
but ever since i've been back i've been, well in a funk
i feel like i'm in a fog, numb and to be honest sort of stupid. people ask me things here at work and i'm all "deer caught in headlights" like "huh", "what did you just say". really not good, at 1st I thought it may be due to alcohol withdrawl but that should've passed a couple weeks ago...
just plain weird
and the weather is shitty ass and cold here
yes, i'll be posting pics of the trip (someday), i'm just lazy and tired, ok
i thought i'd come back from vacay all fresh and revived, that lasted a day
same old same old in this neck of the woods
i'll get back to normal eventually.....i hope
Saturday, May 03, 2008
ok ok we get it already
she also doesn't want to "rub it in" that she will be in sunny paradise for a week (biatch), sipping on fruity tropcial drinks while sunning herself on the beach
so she prob. won't be around here for a couple of weeks (thank god!)
she would like me to say much love to you all & see you on the flip side!
miz flea flea (whateverh)
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
let's say that this new guy started at your workplace, younger perhaps only a couple years older than yourself (and your not exactly a spring chicken anymore in your late gasp 20's!), so will say he is 30 - 35 and what instantly cause me to dislike him was that he walked right in the office, past me (i'm the 1st point of contact @ reception), not even acknowledging me, and yes this is one of my things that irritate me anyways, like hello that's why you have a receptionist in the 1st place is to "screen" people. geesh. anyways, off topic. so he walks by me with this sort of air of arrogance & coffee in hand (for 2) to my bosses office, instantly i'm thinking hmm...sure enough he's the new guy, already sucking up to the boss!! so that's one tick off of him instantly. then as the day goes on I happen to notice (and i don't usually notice much as i'm so not observant) his annoying laugh. like picture a bill & ted laugh. total stoner!! and after 8 hours of this honest.to.god. at 1st it was amusing and I almost broke down in hysterical snickers sitting at my desk listening to him (in my workplace you can hear EVERYTHING) but by 5 I wanted to choke him. seriously.
but why? he could be a nice guy, perhaps just nervous and who wouldn't be nervous on a 1st day meeting people. but I.don't.like.him. I can't explain it, but I don't think I will ever grow to truly like him sure i'll be friendly and what not in the office but if I were to see him outside of work I wouldn't make eye contact, and in fact would walk quickly away
but why? I think I get along with everyone and i'm friendly & outgong but there are just certain people or personalities that I don't mesh with. does that make sense?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
but i'm not (thankfully, is that wrong of me to say or wish that??)
don't even get me going on the whole "baby" thing
ain't happen anytime soon
miss flea flea is a selfish biatch, and she comes 1st (for now)
in other happenings
you know you are from a very small town when the most exciting news is
a)that the ice is going out and were on "flood watch"
b)everyone is talking about all the deer that are around, like everywhere
c) the weather finally, finally being nice for a change
i'm so sick of talking about the weather and if one more person says "how nice it is" I may just scream
also i've been meaning to say or mention just how much I love, like i mean love John Mayer. His song say what you mean to say, sigh, i just get so lost in that song, and he's just so adorable. i.love.him
so much to do and so little time
vacation is ever so much closer and i'm beginning to freak out as I haven't shopped for any new clothes, haven't done this or that or even started to pack!
and worst of all i'm so disappointed in myself as I had hoped to lose 10 pounds and well we all know that hasn't happened
not that I have anyone to blame but myself which somehow makes it all worse....
ah well could be worse i guess
anyways I came here with all these ideas on what to write and well they seemed to have left me, so peace out, til next time
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
this is where I have spent most of my time the last couple of days
minus the fancy dress of course
I haven't been quite this sick in well, at least 2 years
I'll spare u the details & i don't want to re-live them anyways, so disgusting and vile, nough said
aparantly this is running rampant in my area right now, but I still can't quite figure out where I caught it from as nobody I know has had it
still not 100% but sure as hell a lot better than I was at this time yesterday and thank god my new best friend is no longer needed (at the moment)
Sunday, April 06, 2008
prob cuz i've been on the go and have a gazillion things running through my brain
so what does a flea flea do
ok i did do a little bit of laundry
but that's it
haven't exercised all weekend
i've just laid
and you know what
it feels kinda nice
the only thing that sucks
my life is the same thing week after week
6 more weeks until my vacay
and it can't come fast enough
Thursday, April 03, 2008
i'm tired of not being paid enough for what I do, and for doing 4 jobs in 1
i'm tired of having people be snarky/cranky/snappy with me and making me feel "small" and stupid
i'm tired of being the admin ass of the office and having to run all over town doing "errands"
so why can't I stand up for myself?
why can't I take charge and say hey you, I want more money or else
cuz i'm a wuss that's why
and I live in a black hole where if I said that they would say hit the road jack, we can find someone who would be more than happy with what we pay you
jobs are few and far between and i have no choice but to sit and take the shit and enjoy the ride
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
time is flying lately, i only have 6 weeks before we go away and i have not lost a single pound. have i been trying very hard, not really, but i have been doing my tae bo at least 3 times a week & snowshoeing on the weekends. i know i am in better shape as i don't get quite so winded/short of breath, but my outer appearance has not changed a bit.
i need to kick it in full diet mode
my 1st accomplishment this week (a round of applause please) was, no McDonald's this week, none, zilch, zero, i'm so proud of myself!!! i typical at least have this once a week (on some occasions twice..) so this is HUGE. if i can cut this out, and not eat after 7 plus continue working out heavily, surely to god some weight will come off...!!??
and I got the DRESS!!!
the winner was option #3 (see post below, i'm not technically inclined to do a link to it), in the fab color purple aka "grape" which is the official color name. it's quite fab i must say and just what I was looking for, flowy but not too flowy and purple is my fav color
gram has moved and has improved a lot the last couple of weeks, she's doing so much better and i'm surprized at how well she is taking everything in stride. jilly and i met her for lunch the other day and witnessed her making a new friend!! she's never really been a social butterfly but i think that is what she has been missing/lacking and hopefully this will be a really good thing for her and the new digs she is in has me jealous, everything is brand sparking new and top of the line, this place is absolutely gorgeous!!
my poor ole car has finally caved, had the biscuit, going to the junk yard. i shouldn't have been surprized i knew it would happen eventually, but i was so not expecting it. in fact i just registered the GD thing again for another year (ahem $90) 2 days before the piece of shit broke down on me. we called several junk yards to see if we could get the part that is needed and they all told us "good luck", said its very hard to find and i'm not paying $500+ just for a new part to put on a car that is on its last leg, so now i'm car less and missing it like crazy. its weird how attached i was, i mean it was my 1st car and all and frankly the last few years i was hating it a little but i still loved it in a way. so not i'm driving the hubs half ton, which feels like i'm driving a tank compared to my small little car and costs a bloody fortune to run.
rants are so much fun!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
*update, her flight was cancelled and she's now coming in at a later time (boo)
i haven't seen her since October, so i'm really stoked for her visit and thankfully she is here for a longer period this time around.
oh and i forgot to mention
were planning on getting majorly shit faced to celebrate miss jilly's up-coming wedding, a sort of stagette if you will
this is much needed
so needless to say it should be a sweet visit
and happy Easter everyone
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
so miss jilly and I have been scouring the Internet, Macy's, Sears, David's Bridal and Alfred Angelo, miss jilly has contacted a local Bridal shop that is closing and has Alfred Angelo's dresses at 50%, these are a few that she has in stock, in my size (and no i am not telling what size that is :P )
Dress #1, I have no idea if they have it in this color, but it's the color that I like most for a tropical wedding..
Dress #2, again not sure what color they have or even if this burnt orange would look good on me (i tend to be kinda pasty white), but I really luv this color for some reason....
Dress #3, again no clue what colors they have but this is more what I want or am looking for it's flowing, lose, and simple..
Dress #4 isn't really an option as the store doesn't have it in stock, but I just had to put it here because if i wasn't such a procrastinator this would be the dress. i absolutely love this dress, but sadly not an option, so instead I can look at it and wonder... and dream
Friday, March 07, 2008
and i'm so glad it is the weekend
i'm even happier that i only have 20 minutes left to burn here at the office, this has to be the longest day ever! EVER!
Gram's out of the hospital, currently at home with care but she will be moving into a residential seniors complex that offers full-time care, provides meals, cleaning services and all that jazz. I just hope that this works, something tells me that it won't but that's putting the cart before the horse...so she's moving next weekend, which makes me really sad as i'm sure that the family will probably sell the house which is hard as I have so many fond memories of that house and it also means that I will have to deal with a new neighbor as we live right next door.
a lot to deal with and process
and i hate change
oh, and i'm freaking out about finding a "brides maid" dress for miss jilly's wedding in May. I have a certain image & color in my head and I cannot find a dress that I like at all, and i've tried several on. i'm getting very frustrated as nothing seems to flatter me or i can't find anything that fits. i need to do some type of cleansing diet where I can lose like 10 pounds in a week, or maybe i just shouldn't eat a la Nicole Ritchie....
i like to eat too much!
i've also still been exercising 5 days a week and I feel better and maybe a little toner, but other than that nada.
and is anyone else really sad about Patrick Swazye? man i had a huge crush on him from Dirty Dancing and to here that he's dying. sad, sad sad
other than that i got nothing
Friday, February 29, 2008
you know what i really hate, is when people don't clean there cars off properly after a snow storm. like how freaking lazy do you have to be. i mean i'm lazy, but i clean my damn car off cuz i know that at some point there will be people behind me, suffering from my laziness
i also hate, pot holes, and every 5 feet i'm hitting one (or two), and my old beat up car can't take much more, it's bad enough that I have no shocks in my car (i'm to broke/cheap to fix them) but not i think i have whiplash from hitting all of these "holes", and some of them are bottom less pits, fer real.
oh, and that's another thing, I have been swearing like a mofo lately
like what the hell? normally i only swear a little but lately it's even coming to a front at work, which hardly every happens. i try my best to maintain the general 1st impression that people have of me, which is that i'm quiet, sweet, friendly, innocent. haha man if they only knew and today, well some of them saw/caught glimpse of the "dark" side. like for instance today i'm insanely busy, running around like the gopher that I am (and that's so what admin staff are, and i hate, hate it, sigh) and i'm re-loading our damn printer yet again (that's another thing, can nobody else open the tray and put in paper? geesh), and somehow i ram my thumb down in on something sharp driving it up under my nail. hurt like a sonofabitch. so i said the f-word. oh fuck it i said fuck. there. much better. and fellow co-worker was like dude, did you just say what i think you said. umm yeah buddy i did. he must've known from my look to not say another word as i was literally shooting him daggers. my poor thumb still hurts too.
and sadly this is the tip of the ice burg
i have way to much on my mind lately
un-satisified at work (ok, not all the time, but generally speaking most days not happy)
and the absolute worst is my ailing grandmother. i can't even put into words what kind of stress this has put us all in (esp. my mom and aunt, who are both nurses and there sibilings seem to place everything on them). we've known for awhile that we've needed to do something (i.e. nursing home) but nobody wants to face or deal with this and sadly i think we are the point of no turning back. the last week she's had constant care/supervision as she's so unstable/weak, she's fallen a couple of times and at one point wasn't making coherant sentances. docs say that she think she may have suffered a stroke, or be in the early stages of alzheimer's. as of right now she has been admitted to the hopsital in hopes that she can gain some strength back.
i'm finding it very difficult to be positive on this. while i remain hopeful that she will come out of this, i can't help but have this dark cloud of doubt or gut feeling that something (i.e. death) is around the corner. perhaps i'm being dramatic, or mabye even trying to somewhat prepare myself should something happen, i dunno, i just can't shake this queezy feeling though.
oh, and i'm lacking in the sleep department, yet again
for example last weekend all i wanted more than anything was to sleep and sleep and sleep some more. woke up in the a.m. could not go back to sleep for the life of me. and i'm so tired
oh, and we have yet another, freakin A1 of a snowstorm coming tomorrow afternoon. i need to take some pics of our yard (i.e. snowbanks) so ya'll can see how much freakin snow we have. its just plain sickening.
bloody GD snow, how i loathe thee
i'm going to bed and pulling up the covers and not coming out
Friday, February 22, 2008
can't do no more and trying to kill 20 minutes is torture
just wanna go home, curl up and
and for some v. odd reason I keep smelling bleach/chlorine???
on another note
a more positive note
it's now 2 1/2 months until my trip away!!! yippee
sunshine, beaches, waves, fruity rum punch drinks...
and the only GD thing i have to look forward too
check ya later :P
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
*shake that ass*
sorry, got caught up in the moment
random tid bits floating thru ma brain...
so i had a fab weekend away with "the girls" aka mommy, auntie sharol and miss jilly. went to Halifax specially to see the musical Cats which was delightful. We were very close to the stage (9 rows back) and I was privy enough to have the isle seat, thanks to auntie sharol (who i think later regreted that..), so i could see very well, the other's not so much. i went into this not knowing a whole lot about the play and i was surprized as to how much dancing their was. was truly a memorable evening and sadly the rest of us could not get the song "Mr. Mistoffelees" out of our heads. ah good times.
so i'm exhausted, didn't get much sleep over the weekend as Halifax is 5 hours away, and we left Friday on shitty roads and arrived v. late & arrived back late from the play.
so i'm bug eyed
and having my lovely monthly flow
which leaves me bloated, headachy and even more tired if that's possible
but on the positive side
the exercise helps
who would've though that I of all people would ever say that?
and i'm like the laziest person i know
and i'm so addicted to working out
my latest work out tape is...
god i hate to admit it
Tae Bo Amped
I bought the set at Cosco on Sunday and just did tape 2 of 5
that shit is HARD
and i totally can't stand Billy Blanks or his daughter
damn if i come out of this looking like anyone of the girls in the video i'm freaking happy
i probably won't be able to walk tomorrow
how is it possible to be so tired yet so awake?
work is frustrating
i can't even put into words why and i can't say that i want to explain it
i'm overworked and severely underpaid
and sick as hell of doing what i do
wish i had the $$ to go back to school and take something so i can make more $$ than i am now
just a glimpse of what runs thru my brain
anyways, peace out gotta go watch Idol (or at least try)
catch ya later
Friday, February 15, 2008
it's friday and i'm going away for the weekend and i totally DO NOT have anything to muster for work today. oh and it's snowing AGAIN! this is like the 3rd snow this week.
and i'm leaving work early today!!! HEE!!!
i feel like i haven't been here in forever...need to catch up
work is going....
exercise is still going (somewhat)
diet isn't really going to well....
and that's about it
peace out, i'll fill you in on my weekend on monday (hopefully)
Monday, February 04, 2008
b) yet another co-worker snaps at you over your lunch hour "time" (i.e. when I go and get back)like wtf? back the eff off, sadly i didn't say this back to her but it really put me in a pissy mood
and lastly the realy dousy
c) i finally leave the office hoping for nothing more than some peace, quiet and mabye a stiff drink of some sort and i notice that a van is blocking me in. no prob i think i can back up and get out that way. whatev. then i notice a man sitting in said van, running. now i'm slightly annoyed by this but continue on my marry way (thinking of that said drink), get in my car, start her up trying not to make eye contact with said creepy guy in van (why are van's so creepy?) and proceed to back up, when i glimpse out of the corner of my eye "said" creepy man gets out of his van and is flagging me down.
1st thought is to continue driving, like hello stalker, 2nd thought is perhaps he was trying to tell me he could move his van...so like the idiot that i am i stop and roll down my window smiling oh so sweetly, thinking to myself keep it short & sweet buddy....and he's like ummm your back tire is almost flat. and sadly i look back and you guessed it it's going flat. sonofabitch. i smile oh so sweetly again (more painful this time, honestly) and back away. getting as far away from creepy guy as possible (yes, he was nice but still creepy) i frantically call the hubs and ask what to do, cuz hello, i have no clue, i would just drive one it but some part of me knows that is BAD. so i pull over, call the hubs who doesn't really give me much instruction. "umm you just go to a gas station and put air in the tire".
well duh. HELLO never done this before. so i go to gas station #1 which thankfully is right beside my work. pull up by the air thingy, look at it and think yeah that's not happening and try to find a man. god, i hate that and hate admiting that but there it was and yes i said it. i go into the gas station where there's a "boy" no more than 16 to ask for assistance and he looks at me like "cha, not happening" (lasy ass fucker, fleetingly passes through my mind) apparantly their air machine is broke.
ok, great. moving on to gas station #2 which is another few feet from my work (i'm now really ticked off) arrive at gas station #2 again have no clue how to run the damn machine or how to insert air into my tire, than a miracle, i see someone i know. ok, i haven't seen him since our graduation (aham almost 10 years ago, but he's on my facebook and it's someone i KNOW!), admist my panic induced state i plead him for help. he kindly abligizes, i'm SAVED. then he says "uh oh" what? huh? the machine is broke he says. ARE U KIDDING ME! i want to scream or cry at this point and this so called friend from way back when just looks at me and says you'll have to go back to the store (that i've already been too!) HA! guess what it's broken too i say. "that's so weird" he says, you'll have to try either this place or that place (which is across town). so i proceed to drive all that way across town to yet store #3 on my flat tire solo. friend did volenteer to follow me but i stated i was fine (i was far from fine but whatev).
i arrive at store #3, insert my $0.50 that i had to scrounge to find into the stupid air macine that i'm really hating right now....and nadda. no sound, no air coming out, nadda. god truly hates me. i walk into the store, wait patiently in line and ask the clerk (again 16, where are the adults?) if the machine is broken. she looks at me like i'm an idiot and is like "well i'll turn it on in here if it works it works, if it doesn't than it's broken", umm ya think? i feel like screaming. so i then asked for change so i could put in the $0.50 and she's like "oh, you don't need that" like it is the most obivious thing in the world. hello the freaking machine has a coin slot and $0.50 beside it....sigh. can i go home now? i trudge back out to the car, turn on the machine and alas it works!! god doesn't hate me! now to get the air in my tire....ok it took me a little bit and i didn't really think it was working but the air went in!! the tire was no longer flat. i DID it on my own. afer all that freakin running around i did it on my own. so now i know how to put air in a tire. who knew that when i woke up this morning, that would be the 1 thing that i learned new today...i sure as hell didn't
jeebus what a day
Saturday, February 02, 2008
yes, it's dark (which i don't like) and it's v. creepy home alone & the dogs keep jumping at every freaking sound, thus putting me more at edge.
course it didn't help that i just finished watching Poltergist
and we had a super bad storm last night/this morning making me feel somewhat stranded even though i kow i'm not. weird. i can't explain it.
think it was the movie though
even though i've watched it before i'm creeped out now
that and there isn't a damn thing on tv
and of course i want to eat
what to do, what to do....
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
time for some much needed ramblings of mine
i'm still in shock over Heath and still can't quite really believe it. even more so, i'm so sickened by what we as a society have become. he was a private person, kept to himself, his daughter was his life and to glorify his death with pictures all over the Internet of his body being taken from the building in a body bag and the literally thousands of paparatzi's camera bulbs flashing, the hounding of his family and loved ones really is not necessary. and why do we care? sure he was talented, young, with his whole life ahead of him but do we really need to make him another Anna Nicole Smith? would that be what he wanted to be remembered for was his "possible OD" and that he was in broke back mountain? i think not
and can you believe the latest rumour? omg i almost peed my pants!! new kids may be reuniting for a "reunion tour". hee!! like any other young tween that grew up in the late 80's early 90's i was in love, LOVE with this band. and no i'm not ashamed to admit it...ok, maybe a little. but still I loved Jordan, he was my boyfriend (in my mind anyways) and to sadly see him 10+ years later on that reality show (drawing a blank on the name, but I think it was the one with flavor flav and Bridgett Nielsen.....) it just isn't the same. still though i would totally pay to see them in concert now. guess will see if this turns out to be true in the next week or so....as of right now it's up in the air
did anyone else watch TLC's "miss reality check" for Miss America? and am I the only one that was severally disappointed because Miss Michigan won? I thought the whole theory of the show was to re-vamp the contest and bring it to a modern age? so then why did they chose a winner, that was such a typical stereotype pageant contest? blond hair, over tanned, tacky ugly fugly dress that was so from the 80's (it was sheer people in the middle and had sheer arms...ugh! i must find a pic somewhere of it....) and her talent was singing, and not even good singing she butchered "some where over the rainbow" in yet another godawful gown. perhaps i'm just bitter that the girl I pegged to win was runner up....i dunno I was totally pissed though. oh and how badly does Mark Steinous blow? the guy from ET, god he was terrible. in fact I can't believe I sat their on a saturday night to watch this for 2 hours. how sad am I?
and i'm soooo sick of hearing about U.S election crap, and it's just beginning. i don't even live in the U.S!
oh and I totally peg Clinton to win
not that i care or anything
sick of American Idol too, LAME stop beating a dead horse already, hating it this year
LOST is on this Thursday!!
rest of TV is crap, when will the writers strike be over?
oh! almost forgot how many pps totally think Angie & Brad are preggers again? me!!!
and congrats to Gwen & Gavin on baby # 2! how awesome is that
and i think that Angie & Gwen totally planned it as they were both pregnant at the same time before....conceidence....i think not
i'm out :P
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
to say i'm shocked, stunned, saddened doesn't even do justice....
i feel in love with him way back in 99' when he stared in "10 things I hate about you" with Julia Stiles (luv this movie) and even though I have never watched Brokeback Mountain i'm sure he was amazing/flawless in this movie. such a talented person.
i shall miss you
Thursday, January 17, 2008
the only reason I started this site was because two other friends (one being miz jilly) had blogs and it was the cool thing to do and me being the "follower" that I so am, I just had to have one.
also my other purpose was to stay in touch with family members, my grandmother had just passed away and I wanted to be or needed to be in touch with my family. sadly, that didn't last long and it's sad as to how much a family can drift apart after you take away the main "beam" from the foundation. course one could argue and say we were never really close to begin with but at least we always got together on gram's special occasions or we at least had that "link".
i always blogged from work back then, working in gov't i had it pretty easy and it carried through with me until last year when everything went all to hell. course i shouldn't ever have been blogging from work but it was habit and habits die hard and generally i could type up a post pretty quick (not so much these days). i can't even imagine blogging at work now. weird how things change.
i've had people come and go, a few i feel like are friends as i've been reading there blogs from my beginnings (WC & McBlogger), other's have faded like dust in the wind. i never had/have many comments and for awhile that hurt a little but now i realize i write for me. it's venting for my soul, if someone comments great, if not, no worries. sure i'd love to have 30 comments like beth, or swishy but i don't have the time to write everyday and leave comments on other pps sites (ahem, lazy). and sometimes i just like my little corner just fine with the few pps that do comment, i look forward to their responses. nough said.
i've wanted to just leave this blog several times and call it a day, but, somehow i always come back and think of something else to write about, or i think i can't let it go, it's a part of me. like that old journal that i can't throw away even though it's ratty and torn. someday i can look back (and i often do) and re-read my posts and see where i was in my life 2, 3, 4 years ago.
i'm still here
Sunday, January 13, 2008
some days i do good other days not so good...
but yesterday I was a good girl, i walked the dogs (about 40 minutes) ate somewhat decent (better than my binge the other day) and then miss jilly calls me. turns out she just bought a new DVD workout from the trainers from the Biggest Loser. somehow or another I end up doing this tape with her.
at 1st I was ok, i mean bob is hot, and I like how they have "real people" (previous contestants from the Biggest Loser), who quite frankly are as red in the face as I am and also sweating like the pigs that I guess we are. after the warm up and 20 minutes with bob, i'm really hurting (jilly is too) and we both veto to skip a portion and only do another 10 minutes. this time though we have Jillian (whom i so want to look like, this girl is a lean mean fighting machine) and oh my god she is not bob. in fact she's harder than bob and those 10 minutes felt like 30. the whole time miss jilly and I were calling her names and I think that is the only way we got thru (including a few momentary pauses...)
i have no idea how we finished that tape and i'm somewhat grateful i didn't pass out. i felt like a weak depleted flower afterwords for well over an hour. and now almost 24 hrs later i can hardly move. i'm walking like a very old crippled person. and somehow the hubs bribed me and hauled my ass out for yet another walk today!
my ribs hurt
my ass hurtz
my legs are on fire
pretty much my whole body is in pain
i mean lame?
i dunno but it sucks
but i'll tell you one thing i i some day look like Jillian the trainer from hell it would so be worth it. and maybe now i'll think twice before eating a cookie or my usual inevitable trip to McDonald's (I can proudly say I haven't been there in a couple of weeks), because if i'm this much out of shape at 27 I can just imagine it gets even harder as I get older.
now if i can just do this 5-6 days a week....
oh boy i need prayers!! or better yet a massage...a full body massage
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
ate until your stomach hurts so badly but you are still craving that "crunchy, salty, chewy, chocolaty", something or other and i had to have the hubs take it away so i could stop. so sad, yet so true. i find it so weird that i crave things during my "mid-cycle" of my pills, not the week of or before my period but in the "middle". weird. course i'm weird, so there u go....
caught yourself just staring and staring at nothing really, and just letting your mind wander and a few minutes later you think to yourself "whoa, that was weird"?
had a sex dream that involved a partner that a)wasn't my husband and b)wasn't male....? like what's that mean, am i gay? i don't thing it means anything but waking up after that was freakin weird
held a grudge against someone, just cuz they are dating someone that you may have at one time sort of had a crush on even though you are married and what not....just hypothetically speaking of course...but man i freakin want to punch her and him too...ummm hypothetically of course...hahaha ok moving on
pooped in your pants, not including when you were a kid or mabye not quite a kid anymore. like accidently let a fart slip out and you shit yourself....just wondering....
noticed how everyone always seems to pick their nose when they are driving (god, i'm so guilty of this too), like for some reason you think people can't see you and that it's "safe" in your car
Monday, January 07, 2008
1st I discover that I am being "laid off" (only for a couple of months, but, whatev, it's laid off) from yet another job (making that the 4th time i have left/been "laid off" god I hate that word from a job)
then I discover that pretty much everyone, well ok not everyone but most pps, in the office aren't happy and have been thinking about leaving, including the lady that trained me. who was disgusted and very upset that they would "lay me off" and told me not to worry as she may leave instead as she had another offer.
hmm interesting I think
but I didn't get my hopes up
instead, i dive head 1st into deep black despair and panic. needless to say last thrusday was not a good one. and my drive to work on my last official day was not pleasant. in fact I didn't want to go.
positive yet sad news. she's leaving and i'm staying
so therefore i've dodged a pretty big bullet
thank god i don't have to file for EI yet AGAIN!
thank god we wont starve
thank god I don't have to look for another job ASAP
thank god I can still keep my hair appointment in 2 weeks as i'm in desperate need of highlights
thank god we can keep our house
thank godwe don't have to sell the animals
thank god we don't have to move out west and sell our souls to the devil
there is a god and he loves me!!!!
one would think that I would still be happy and rejoicing.
back to being overweight, poor, depressed, angry, bitter
yadda yadda yadda