holy.fucking. shit. i'm, well a little overwhelmed at the moment
two words baby Guns & Roses
my hubby owes me BIG TIME, like majorlly big and seeings how Christmas is right around the corner, miss flea flea is going to have a steller Christmas this year. i'm thinking purses, and shoes, and clothes, oh my!! heeee!
you see i just scored us 2 tickets to G&R's world tour, which is selling out like crazy, and you know how evil and coniving i am, i think i will continue to let on that i haven't scored tickets, and that they are all sold out just to rub it in and make him pout & whine
my first recollection of ever even thinking about what i wanted to be when i grew up was probably in elementary school, and i wanted nothing more than to be a nurse (RN) just like my mom
well, that didn't last long
by junior high i was destined to be an author, or at least that was my dream. i was hooked on Christopher Pike's young adult books and, Stephen King wasn't far behind. i was sold, this is what i wanted to do
i also went thru a phase where i wanted to be Angela Bowers from "who's the Boss" anyone remember this show? she was an advertising executive or someting and i thought that was just the coolest thing ever getting to wear business suits, go to big fancy meetings, travel, ah yes this was my ticket to success
and then high school hit
i sort of hit a brick wall and i still haven't awakened from my coma as i still have no clue as to what i want or desire to be when i grow up.
and what's even scarier is that i am now considered, GASP! a grown up
i've always envied those people that knew from early on as to what they wanted to be, they knew what college to go to, what sort of job they would be doing, they had it made. and well there i sat in my high school class siging up for my college "prep" classes and not having the sweetest clue, and 7 years later i still don't
there are times when i wish i would've stuck with the writing, i loved to write at one time, i almost feel that if i would've been in a larger, city/school i may have pursued this but coming from a very small community and an even smaller school i wasn't able to expand my horizons, or perhaps i just liked the "idea" of it all, actually writing a book or coming up with an original story now a days is, well, all most impossible. i've contemplated becomming a journalist, but seeing how everyone is so obsessed (including me) with celebrities, i think that's a no go as i feel they have a right to their own privacay and there are some things that not everyone needs to know
i even went back to my early roots and really considered nursing again, but lacking the drive, motovation and "math" skills, i quickly backed out of that option
watching CSI every week also intrigues me, how i would love to be able to assess a crime scene and get the bad guy. they mystery of it all, very much appeals to me. or even being a police dectective solving crimes, putting the bad guy behind bars would be really cool and up my alley, but again, me being from a small community, this is sort of a no go. mind you i shouldn't be restricting myself as to where i live, i think i'm just making excuses as i have no drive or ambition to do anything
mind u nothing is as it is on t.v. or in the movies but one can dream
my current job is just "ok" and i have it pretty good by any means, my supervisor, boss and everyone here is great but 10 years ago this is the last place or thing i would have envisioned myself doing. which is sort of sad. where did i go wrong? or better yet why am i settling for this mediocre crap? some days i'm happy and other days, well , not so much. i just feel like my life is pointless and that it's going no where fast, and i don't really know what to do to change it. i. just. don't. know. and some days this really gets me down as i don't feel that i'm living my life to it's fullest, to what purpose do i serve?
to many fucking questions that are un-answered that i'm sure someone up above (man i hope so) is testing me for, i'll leave it at that
instead of me coming here to bitch, whine and complain about my ailments, or how i think i'm coming down with the plague because other co-workers refuse to stay home and recover, they have to come in here and spread it to everyone else......anyhoo i'm trying a different approach for a change.
i am grateful for my two amazing parents, who are still together after 30 years together. they are always there for me (no matter what, where, when) and words can't really express or do justice as to just how much they mean to me
i am also grateful that they are both in good health
i am grateful for my ever wise and wonderful sister, who always listens, evaluates, and lays it out like it is
i am also grateful that she has a killer fashion, home decor, crafty style about her and i only wish that she lived closer to me so that she could help me out in that dept
i am grateful that i have a full time job, despite the fact that half the time i don't know what i do exactly but i receive a paycheck every week, i have health coverage and i am able to pay into a pension plan
i'm grateful that both hubby and i are also in good health and able to work
i'm grateful for having a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear on my back
i'm grateful to be able to spend time with my remaining grandmother and i savor every moment with her and cherish her stories and her memories of my grandfather
i'm grateful and proud to be Canadian
i'm grateful that i am able to walk down a street, go to the mall, get my mail without having to worry about suicide bombers, getting shot, or being caught in a crossfire/ambush
i'm grateful for the fact that i don't have to hide my face in shame just because i am a women. i can express myself openly and be treated as equal and not looked upon as being stupid/useless
i'm grateful that i can see, hear and smell all the life around me
but most of all, i'm grateful for being alive and living another day, even though it's really not panning out in my favor, i'm still grateful to be living it.
not only is it monday, evil dreadful monday but i quite possibly had the wurst morning ever, and it's still morning people. it's not even 10:00 yet and i've had the following happen to me:
- couldn't wear the outfit that i initally wanted as there was some weird funky stain on my said pants that i have no idea where it came from, or what it was on them, do not have time to deal with and just grab outfit #2
- was out of my favorite cereal and had to replace with toast & peanut butter :(
- received call from hubby on his cell stating that he forgot to take the garbage out. great.
- already running late at this point and i still haven't got makeup and hair flat ironed
- dogs are barking and driving me insane as they will. not. shut. up. or quit barking at the neighbors evil, fucking dogs
- as i am sitting eating my crap ass toast (i really wanted my cereal), and drinking a horrible fruit juice, my cat decides that she wants to "cuddle" and gets cat hair all over my 2nd pick outfit and i don't have time to lint roll it off as i forgot the FUCKING garbage again. FUCK!
- so i hurry and eat my toast, brush my teeth, grab my coat, purse, lunch, and i'm out of the house but guess what. it frosted last night, therefore my car is covered in a layer of frost that will at least take 5 minutes to de-fog. nice.
- thinking to save myself time, i decided to walk the said fucking garbage down to the road. and as i pick up the 3, count em 3 bags (who knew we threw out so much crap), water proceeds to spill all over my said 2nd pick outfit. at least i hope it was water. it may have been dog piss as our neighbors dogs have a habit of "marking there territory" and tearing our bags to shit, but i'm getting ahead of myself here........
- so i disregard the water or ahem piss and proceed to half carry and drag the garbage down our very long driveway and about midway point just guess what happens. just guess. take a wild guess
- yup, you got it, the bag or one of the bags busted wide open. so not only am i now 5 minutes late i have to pick up garbage, nasty vile smelling garbage, and haha we have no more bags left for me to dump this crap over into so i manage somehow to stuff it all back in the bag that ripped apart, and ewwwwww, omg was so utterly disgusting sorting thru half eaten food. yuck. and do you know why my bag ripped? becuase my fucking neighbors dogs had tore a hole in it. cha. they are so going to pay
- meanwhile i am now over 10+ minutes late, i have no time to change my wet pants, i barely have time to wash my garbage smelly hands and then i'm on my merry way driving like a mad women to get to work on time, and surprizingly i still made it in here 5 minutes early. dunno how i managed that, just praise jebus that no cops were out this morning
- so now here i sit in dress pants covered in hair and what's probably dried dog pee on my pant leg, and i think i smell like garbage which is also giving me a really bad headache. can i go home now????
holy god i've suffered several pound your head against the key board moments today, and on top of my supeberb wonderful day i'm getting a headache and a real dousey of one too by the feel of it
work is well frustrating, espically when nobody will train me or tell me what i should be doing. i've asked my "supervisor" like 4 times for stuff to do and nothing. i should almost feel a bit hurt as it seems like he's ignoring me but i know he is extremely busy i just don't know why he won't let me in to help, as that is at least what i thought i was supposed to do
fat bastard in the office next to me is another one of my irritance (is that even a word, hell i don't care i just made it one), he's overly loud and way to fucking friendly for my liking
not only that buy i'm dieting and what does someone bring into the office a fucking cake, fuckers, and it's a marble cake with real "butter" frosting. like this stuff is to.die.for. honestly. i've had not one but 2 pieces today, talk about restraint
speaking of my said diet, which isn't going so well i was able to do one of my workout video's last night, so that's one good thing right? i should make it 2 in a row, but with this pounding headache i think it's a no go
dare i say it i'm somewhat disappointed in LOST, seems sort of slow and yet i'm still dying for next weeks show. for instance why haven't they shown anyone back at the beach? what the hell happend to Locke, Desmond and Charlie and Eko? and how the hell do they know so much about everyone on the plane. it's just plain weird
what is wrong with people that they are still voting for Sarah Evans on DWS (dancing w/the Stars), shes the wurst dancer there and it's a crying shame that Willa was sent home when she was a much better dancer
it's raining here today a cold, cold bitter rain with "gusty" winds, which is so fucking depressing and blah, no wonder my head hurts
hubby lost an expensive watch that i think i bought for his b-day a year or so ago, like a fancy "woodsworker" watch that was waterproof, had a compass and everything, this thing was not cheap, and because he can't go without had to purchase another one on ebay, thankfully somewhat cheaper but still, as per my previous post we are poor and in debt and totally do not need any extra expenses. so frustrating.
and to top it all off this stuff about North Korea is truly bothering & upsetting me, i have a gut feeling that this is not a good thing, and we have yet to see or hear the last of this issue. i can totally see them teaming up with the taliban and Al Quida or whomever to attack the U.S., not cool and my anxiety and panic steps up a notch and i just want to scream at the top of my lungs that were all going to die, and the world is going to end!!! really though, all these nuclear weapons that are out there floating around scare the shit out of me
you just know that this is so going to be a major bitch rant, cuz the word bills is in the title, so hold onto your hats as i've had this one pent in for awhile............
i hate, hate this time of year, not only is hubby laid off from work for the entire winter (thus meaning we pull in half the income) but dare i say it, Christmas is only gasp, 3 months away. and despite the fact that we have been living together for five years, we never seem to prepare for the hard financial struggle that we battle all winter long. in fact, in the last month i have been on a major spending spree. even though i knew, in the back of my mind come a month from now i would be hurtin, but did i care. no. god i'm stupid sometimes.
and on top of that
were like $16,000 in debt to our lines of credits
from what? god only knows, it all started when we built our house and well it's grown quite a lot since then.
rack up a visa bill, pff pay it off with our line of credit, that has been our motto for the past 2 years, and well frankly i'm sick of it. not only do we struggle to make a monthly payment on the GD things, but they ding us at least a total of $100 (between the 2, we each have one, which is somehow worse), just for fucking interest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and everytime i realize how much we have to pay back, i feel this wall closing in on me and it's just too much, panic sets in, and honestly it almost makes me sick and i vow to stop spending and well that only usually lasts for a week and then were right back into the swing of things.
and did i also mention we also have a gorgeous house that we kinda sorta got when we shouldn't have cuz the mtg. is well, i won't go there
and i should note to you all that i'm just a wee bit spoiled and thus i think this is where the problem results from. i want the best of the best and expect nothing less. and not only that but i seem to have expensive taste. like for example a fellow employee recently brought in one of those home and gift catalogues and is also having a party which i'm going to and soooo shouldn't be, but anyways, anything i look at or like even just a little is like the most expensive thing on the page. same thing goes with furniture or clothes even. doesn't matter if i like it it's expensive. perhaps i have way to high of a standard, and i can't expect to have everything right away, were just starting out, this is our 2nd year in our home and i still don't have curtains for godsakes and most of our furniture is 2nd hand, and so we've only painted 3 rooms in our house. so what. why is everything so materialistic?! who cares if you drive a piece of shit car or not? well ok i sort of do care, but why should i? as long as i have a roof over my head and food to eat then what else really matters besides a kick ass pair of shoes, and a killer wardrobe........ok, ok, i am kidding (sort of).
we in north america take so much for granted,
and i totally just lost my train of thought on that one.......
so i was totally busy yesterday and didn't have a chance to follow up on LOST, whops!
oh well, you'll live right?
anyways, i'm uber hyper today and it's friday!! woot woot
so what better way to celebrate a friday than a list of what i think is "hot" or "it" at the moment ( preferably things that i luv at this moment in time, but i thought "it" was cooler, ok?), shall we begin??
favorite new food - mozza sticks, ok i know i'm a total lame ass for never trying these before, but OMG these things are to die for, i could quite easily eat like 20 no problem, like really i could, and i so can't believe that i have gone this long with out trying one
favorite new t.v. show - mind u it's still early yet but i'm totally hooked on ABC's Ugly Betty, if you aren't watching this u should be, esp if you are a women, it's witty and funny and well you just need to watch it ok. trust me
favorite new song - JoJo's - it's too little to late, don't ask ok i just do
favorite new cleaning product - scrubbing bubbles one touch shower cleaner thingy, mind u this isn't the correct name but all u need to know is that scrubbing bubbles makes it. it hangs in your shower and u push a button and it sprays and cleans your shower. no more scrubbing on my knees or no more water spots my shower walls. i. luv. this. thing. fer real ya'll. oh how i hated cleaning my stand up shower but now i don't have too. this little thing does it for me, what more could you ask for. now if only i could get ones of these for the rest of the house......
favorite new hairstyling product (as in tool) - my brand spankin new flat iron, again i can't believe i have gone this long without one, like what the hell was i doing before?
favorite new shampoo - duh, i think no explaination is due here, 1 word people, Ojon
favorite new blog - i've stumbled across some pretty good ones lately but the one that started me off again on new searches for cool blogs was the one and only Miss 1999
i'm sure i've got more but that's all i can come up with for now, i may or not be back
that's all i need to say and my heart starts racing, i was trying to think of an appropriate title but nothing really does it justice.
i've done well really up until a week ago when they started showing promo's for tonight's show, and well that sealed it, the countdown was on (were now down to 6 1/2 hrs and counting..)
i can't even work today i am that excited, or it could be the fact that i am still not sleeping but i refuse to talk about that today as it just drags me down
so moving on
i can't wait to find out what's going to happen now, what will the other's do with Jack, Sawyer and kate? what about Michael and Walt, how could they just leave like that? and where does Desmond fit into all of this?
more importantly i just cannot wait to see Sawyer shirtless again................ahhhh what bliss, how i love him so
oh good lord, what a wild weekend miss flea flea had, i'm not even sure where to begin honestly it was that much of a whirlwind. i do recall that i was being such a good girl, staying home, resting trying to get better but something occured late saturday night (ahem Sandy, my bestest friend called me at 10:00) and it all went down hill from there.
she begged and pleaded for me to go to our cousins (by marriage) staggette party, and you know i just can't say no my friends and or drinking even though i knew, knew i shouldn't go i totally caved and wen't. i never, ever do anything so spur of the moment like this and honestly i can't believe that my hubby didn't pitch a fit at a)me going out clubbing b)my skanky ass outfit (duh had to compete with girls like 4 years younger than me) or c)my rockstar hair, nothingless he said nothing, which alone was quite shocking.
so off i go just like cinderella off to the ball, only it was a club, same thing only different right? well, will pretend that. i wen't with the intentions of having one drink and i did, you know what got me don't cha, the mr. happy weed. aha. yes. i haven't associated with my long lost buddy mr. happy in quite some time, and frankly he hit my like a ton of bricks, now any time i'm stoned i cannot function, or talk to anyone, i sort of just stare off with a smile on my face and you get the point, i should just have stayed at the house by my self and so not have gone to the bar, but again i was just flying on a whim this night and off i go. and honestly the rest of the night is a blur, besides some guy that sandy knew trying to kiss me, and then pretend that he was only being like the "french" as that's the sort of thing they do. yeah right i'm just hot baby!!!! haha i wish, or how bout when one of sandy's friends was talking to me and i'm just smiling and nodding and i thought she asked me what my name was as she had her hand out, so i go to shake her hand and say my name's flea and she's like ummm i asked to see your ring......i think i may have snorted as i was hit with a sudden laughing fit. ah. good times.
and you know what the best part is, mr. happy took away my rib pain for like 2 hrs! and i had a permi grin on for at least 4 hours. honestly i think this shit should be legalized without getting into all the political mambo jumbo, really it should and it's no wonder they give it to cancer patients, not that i'm comparing myself to one, but it's the cat's ass, and oh how i missed it. so i didn't arrive back home til like 3:30, slept like the dead (finally) til 10 or so and then hubby's buddy calls us to go wheelin, it's amazing what a little fresh air can do to a person. was such a beautiful fall day, so nice to be outside and it was just relaxing and perfect, just what i needed. so all in all i must say i had a fantastic weekend.