Thursday, December 31, 2009
while I love New Year's Eve (there is just so much anticipation/excitement in the air), I hate New Year's Resolutions. in fact i don't think i've ever made one. people never keep to them, so why bother?
however, I do enjoy reflecting and taking a look back at the year, even when frankly you don't remember much as it went by in a pregnant blur, but it's still nice to look back a few years from now and think gee how could I be so (insert whatever word fits here) dumb, naive, vague...
so 2009 for me was a good year (I guess), normally (and I know this will sound stupid) the odd year numbers are not good ones for me but again I don't know if it was because I was distracted or perhaps the jinx has been broken but all in all it's been a pretty good year.
I didn't break any bones, or get deathly sick
I didn't lose a job (at least not this year)
I didn't go bankrupt
or lose my mind
on the other hand
I did manage to pack on 50 pounds of excess fat
but I had an excuse
cuz I spent nine (ahem ten) months out of the 12 of the calendar preggers
man what a long, LONG pregnancy that was
of course finding out almost the instant of conception didn't help either (a tip to anyone else that gets pregnant - don't tell anyone when you are 3/4 weeks pregnant that you are indeed pregnant, because then everyone will keep asking how far along you are and will point out constantly how much further/longer you have, this is truly agonizing and painful and will just save you from becoming the smiling, nodding robot)
so let's see what I can recall from 2009
umm ok here we go..
January - March - snow, snow and umm more snow. we were battered with snow storms last year. I was working quite frequently as I started my temp part time job in February and this was the lucky month that I got knocked up in. what can i say we had winter cabin fever and had nothing better to do! also had a death in the family, well not my family but my 2nd family and he was sort of a neighbor, well he lived down the street....anyways a good man died in March (right around the time that I found out for sure that I was pregnant, about 4 wks along) so that was rough as he died way to young
April - June - still working a lot, had my 1st ultrasound done in April also started our prenatal classes in April as I had the bright idea to do it while the husband was off work, well he only went to a couple classes and then started work in May so I don't know why I didn't just wait until the fall as I totally forgot everything that they taught us or talked about by the time November rolled around...May is a blur I don't really remember anything standing out in this month...June came along and we had the arrival of miz jilly's sweet little bundle of joy at the end of the Month and a nice visit with my auntie Sharol
July - September - Had my 2nd ultrasound done in July and found out that it was A GIRL! July also had to have been the crappiest month ever, it rained practically every day, but when it didn't rain I was at my parents and in there pool (a godsend and my most favorite place to be on a hot day). spent a lot of time here through the summer, in fact I was never more grateful to only work 2 days a week than I was this summer. my sissy was also home for a stint in July, so that was nice. August I got nothing but memories of the pool, bbq's and being ridiculously hot and sweaty. September rolled around rather quickly and I had my 3D ultrasound done and was able to see and bond with lil baby flea. I was also put off of work early on in the month of September due to my SVT
October - December - October was a very long, painful excruciating month for me, time literally stalled and did not pick up until after lil flea was born into this world. I would literally go insane trying to think of things to do to kill time, why I couldn't or didn't sleep is beyond me and believe me I tried to sleep but I just couldn't turn my mind off. nothing really exciting happened, oh wait I did have my baby shower in October that was fun/nice. then the waiting began, it was a long haul until November and even longer until the 24th but she finally arrived and the wait was over. then I hit a brick wall or what I refer to as the black pit. time doesn't exist beyond that point it all just sort of blends together. my hospital stay was hell on earth, rooming with a crazy biatch on crack, finding out the day after my c-section that I almost bleed to death (ok that is a bit dramatic probably but still I hemorrhaged and that's pretty serious..) coming to terms with the fact that I, (me who never ever thought) HAD A FREAKIN BABY!
and it wasn't love at first sight for me, I wish i could say it was but I think it was quite possible that I was in shock from being strapped onto a table at a horrible/awkward angle and my neck was KILLING me being so very, very thirsty and shaking like a leaf (a reaction to the meds??) and wanting to vomit, my 1st thought was wow, she's really big and really red, and then i was back to thinking it want to vomit and get me off this fucking table. god i'm such a selfish bitch aren't I? like who doesn't love there child at first?
and i know i'm totally off the "reflecting back of 2009" topic but I need to vent
so not only are you exhausted, sore as hell from being cut open, bleeding out your va jay jay like a freaking tap but you have to deal with excess "fluid". god my poor feet, I thought they were bad pregnant well they had nothing on what they were like after. on top of all that, you have to deal with a baby, add in breastfeeding if you choose that option (which i am) and you've got a lot on your plate it's no wonder people get the blues and yes, you betcha I had the blues. quite bad really, almost wondered if I had PPD there for a bit. I would just cry, and cry for no reason AT ALL.
i can't explain it
you would think a person would be happy bringing a new baby into the world, but I wasn't, i just felt numb
I sort of still do feel numb
i'm doing better, feeling more like me and getting into a routine (thank god) but i'm having a time coming to terms with it all. I have a difficult time talking to lil flea as I feel awkward/weird. I don't like talking to her in "baby" talk as I feel like a tool, I do read to her and sing/hum but I just feel like all I am to her is food...does that make sense? and I worry about the stupidest things, like her not breathing or making weird nosies, and why is her poop green?
its just exhausting
in fact i'm tired so over and out for now
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
what day is today anyways??
I think its Tuesday and the only reason I actually know that for a change is because I had a Dr appt/check up today
what is it with time when you have to much of it on your hands it drags but when you have a tiny little infant to feed every 2-3 hrs it somehow manages to fly by...??
long time no talk my fellow bloggers sorry to keep you all in limbo but really I have a good excuse
I FINALLY HAD MY BABY!!!!
and frankly the last couple of weeks my life has pretty much been, breastfeeding, sleeping, diaper changes, rocking, more breastfeeding (why is this so hard?), etc, etc...
long story short (I don't have much time) I was induced on November 23rd, here's a pic of me early on (after they gave me the drugs to "start" labour).
You can totally tell that i'm scared shitless here..
remember how I had a Dr. that I was totally uncomfortable with, well guess who was on call that day. yup, the one and only...what are the odds.
so my water broke around 3 pm (now that was a weird feeling and sooooo disgusting) but what I couldn't get past is that it sort of keeps on breaking, well, not really so to speak but you keep "leaking" through the whole thing. I hated that part, it felt like I was constantly peeing myself.
it's mostly a blur after that
I remember trying a bath and hating it
diddo with the ball
the back pain was way intense
my happy place or moment was a cold face cloth, my eyes closed just focusing on my breathing
oh and the ice chips, god I loved those
around 8 or 9 pm I think I was about 4-5 cm dialated I finally got the epidural, now that shit is fer real DA BOMB. you can bash me all you want for not having a "natural" birth but God created that drug for a reason and by god I would do it again in a heart beat
time moved slowly after that
looking back I totally should've slept, but like a dumb ass I couldn't/didn't as I was numb clear up to my nipples
around 2 am, I was checked again finally made it to 10 cm only to discover (which by the way I knew before hand and they totally should've picked up on this sooner) that the baby wasn't turned properly and no way, no how could I deliver vaginally (again Karma hates me as I so didn't want to have a c-section but I just knew that I would...weird). so I had a c-section and viola
a little closer up this time
Friday, November 20, 2009
I had my 39 week prenatal appointment today and I finally got a good, kindhearted Dr. who has swooped in and saved the day. This is the first Dr. that I have had since I was initially transferred from one hospital to another that I have actually liked, or better yet who actually seemed to care about me, my condition that I have and actually listened/seemed interested in what I had to say, my last few appointments were horrible experiences so it was nice to finally get some answers.
Of course he didn't stand a chance as I practically burst into tears when he asked how I was coping/holding up and I may have over exaggerated my SVT symptoms (sort of, but not really as I have been having more "episodes") but it's all for a good reason AND better yet I have already started the process on my own (sort of). My cervix is 2 cm dilated and has started to soften so really I could go into labour on my own this weekend but if I don't I'm scheduled to be induced on Monday!!!
Thank god I won't have to go past my due date, or even until 42 weeks
now if you are really there god, please get the wheels turning and tell my baby to come out this weekend as that super nice Dr. (who I could've kissed) is on call this weekend and it would be really great if I could have him deliver my baby...pretty please??
so the end is near my friends ~ 3 more (possible) days!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I am now hooked to HGTV and love the shows - Property Virgins, House Hunters & Restaurant Makeover
I also watch quite a bit of the Slice network - Til Debt do us Part & Wedding SOS
pretty much the only show left on TLC that I want to watch is - Say Yes to the Dress, I cannot get enough of this show! like how much I love Randy and ALL the dresses! I also still cannot believe that people pay as much as they do for the "perfect dress" - CRAZY but I love it!
and because I've lost interest in a lot of shows that I used to love (ahem Gossip Girl, So You Think You Can Dance) I've finally joined the club of watching t.v shows on DVD
I can't forget about Ellen & Oprah gotta watch those two shows too every day or at least if Oprah has something non depressing/serious I'll watch it
the hubs and I are also getting caught up on Dexter (Season 2 & 3), I borrowed the DVD's from my hairdresser and OMG we both LOVE this show! we wrapped up season 2 last week and are on about episode 4 of season 3, it's just so good and I so didn't know that Jimmy Smits was on this show! Love him too! course now I swear even more than I did (which I didn't think was possible) but whatever
ok, I have always loved General Hospital and have watched it since the early 90's but how freakin cool is it that James Franco will be joining the cast for 10 - yes TEN episodes starting this Friday - November 20th (how much you want to bet that baby flea will probably pick this day to make her arrival?)
can you say HOTTIE
oh and the storyline actually sounds pretty interesting too...
cannot wait to watch
oh and I actually read a book that wasn't about breastfeeding, going into labour or about babies for a change, miz jilly lent me the latest Sophia Kinsella novel and I read it in a day. it was light fluff and a fun read, nice to get away from my reality and step into another one
and the other 12 + hrs of the day consist of eating, sleeping and frequent trips to the bathroom. I think I may take up permanent residence in my bathroom as I spend most of my time there
One more week til D-day (aka Due Date) but I have a feeling i'm totally going to be overdue and that this will be a December baby. I hope to god i'm wrong
over and out
Saturday, November 14, 2009
this waiting thing really, really, REALLY SUCKS!
I'm beyond uncomfortable
to all the people that have been saying all along that I will go "early" I HATE you, way to get a pregnant women's hopes up all for nothing. I'm beginning to think that she will never come out! I cannot fathom 10, TEN more days of this!!!!
so in case you are wondering - no baby...at least not yet
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
this year i'm keeping it short and sweet
I can't believe it has been eight years, so much has changed, sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday as I can remember everything in such vivid detail and then days like today it feels like a whole other life ago
I miss you so much sometimes and I think of you often
you will never be forgotten
I leave you with a fav pic of mine of all us girlfriends at Marsha's wedding dance, I think this was the year before she died
Thursday, November 05, 2009
18 days ppl
or less depending on if I "go early" or not which every single person I know seems to think that I will. so then of course I get excited and think ok today is the day, and then, nothing. this does not include the tips that people just have to tell you to "bring on labour".
like for example having lot's of sex (which the hubs is ALL over, cuz frankly he hasn't gotten much through this pregnancy) but honestly there is nothing more un-appealing or sexy about getting nekid when you are 9 months pregnant and feeling like a whale but heck i'm willing to try just about anything at this point to get this over with. and well, let's just say so far this hasn't worked yet either
then there's the good old faithful of tweaking of ones nipples, or take a drive over a bumpy road. I haven't become desperate enough (at this point) to try either of these i'm still recuperating from the traumatic sex experiences mentioned above.
when I do leave my house (which is not often) I am constantly asked, "how much longer" or "must be any day now dear" which is all well and good and nice of people to ask or care, but frankly I just want to rip there faces off
in fact I want to rip a lot of people's faces off
irritable and cranky doesn't even come close to the rage I have been feeling lately
nobody is safe
then on top of that I discover that my now sausage like legs have become stretch mark heaven, they have become my very own road map. I discovered this yesterday and had a good cry. the hubs didn't even ask as he knows better by now to just keep his mouth shut. but really, why on my legs? why! I can handle the ones on my belly at least they can be covered but the ones on my legs.....sigh i'm ruined!!!!
this old girl ain't what she used to be
I also have to deal daily with the babies feet or bum sticking waaaayyy out of my belly leaving me wondering if it will poke right through the skin as the skin does not look like it can stretch any more, but it always does. it's the weirdest, grossest yet coolest thing ever
and then there are my feet
yes, I know I've complained about them before but guess what they still are hurting like a mofo, and the swelling!! UGH! they puff all up and do not look like they belong to me at all, in fact they seem so far away at times I think that they aren't mine
another thing that I've just noticed within the past couple of weeks is that it is now even difficult to wipe my own ass
holy hell I thought that was just something funny they made up for movies
I hadn't really had much of an issue with gas until a few weeks ago (then again most of my pregnancy up until a few weeks ago was a piece of cake!) now I could be a methane gas producer, it's that bad
and the heartburn. OMFG the heartburn/indigestion is killing me!
i keep trying to tell myself it's almost over, only a little bit left but it isn't working
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I tell you the days are really, really long sometimes. I mean a person can only nap so much. believe me I am tired, cuz sleep and I are no longer friends, I do well to get an hour at a time through the night but lately I cannot seem to sleep through the day and naps and I used to be very good friends indeed
but not no more
my mind is constantly racing with things to do
like packing my bag for the hospital (which is practically done other than the last minute stuff that I use every day)
or cleaning out that hallway closet with all the "junk" in it, cuz who knows when I will ever get to that once baby is here
or should I bake some cookies, that would kill a half hour and hello cookie dough!
or there is always my dogs looking at me all sad and depressed like "hello, pay attention to me, take me for a walk, something, anything??" when was the last time I paid them attention?
then there is also the growing pile of pregnancy books that I have yet to read, i've got 3 or 4 on the go
yes there is tons for me to do
but I literally get tired in like 5 minutes
and I can't stand on my feet too long, because they are swollen and hurt like hell so I've been going in small little bursts of 15 minute cleaning sprees with several hour intervals in between.
i'm sick of the t.v (we too used to be best of friends), sick of the Internet (esp. crackbook which I seem to check every 5 minutes with nothing ever changing)
i'm just soooo bored
sure in 6 months I will probably look back at this and think, you freaking crazy crackwhore what the hell were you complaining about, enjoy the peace and quiet while you can! i'm on my 7th week of being home, not working with only the rare outing or two a week. a person can only take so much.
in other news I received my h1n1 vaccine on Monday so we can all breathe a sigh of relief (for now)
also I am now 4 weeks away from my due date
how freakin scary is that?!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
kind of nice really
I think my cold bitter heart grew a little bit more today..
ok, I kid I do have a heart but I couldn't help but swell up and get a little teary at times to know that a)i'm very much loved and that b)people already love my baby too
sure there could've been a few more people there, but really I don't have many friends outside of family (i'm a bit of a loner espically of late) but there was just enough to not make me freak out and have an anxiety attack, cuz I hate being the center of attention. and the best part of all was that there were cupcakes, lot's and lot's of cupcakes. I have been craving cupcakes for most of this pregnancy. When I was working I would sit and watch that show on TLC where the guy bakes cakes and cupcakes...i'm totally drawing a blank on the name...and I would literally drool over the cupcakes. well I finally got me some today. in fact I've lost count as to how many I have eaten, I might actually have eaten one too many but omg they were sooooo good and so worth the wait. I may sneak one more before bedtime....
also the presents
who doesn't love presents?
they were all so pretty and damn my little girl is going to be sporting some pretty fancy duds let me tell you. we did VERY well. other than the odd one or two things with pooh on them (I despise Winnie the Pooh, i'm not sure why exactly or where the hate comes from but I cannot stand pooh...) everything was perfect. I couldn't have asked for nicer stuff or a better day.
I haven't felt this good in a long time
it could be all the sugar from the cupcakes...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I had an ultra sound done yesterday to see how the baby is growing due to the medication that I am on for my SVT it can cause the baby to not grow so they had to be sure she's "ok", well I could tell them that she is, as I stated above i'm huge and all along i've been measuring a couple of weeks ahead of what I should be or the "normal". well guess what, she's at about 7 pounds already and I still have 5 weeks to go! the ultrasound tech was all smug like "guess you won't be needing much for newborn stuff" and "I am betting on about 9 pounds". I wanted to take that little wand thingy that they rub on your belly and wack him in the head.
on a side note from what i've googled, they can typically be two pounds off, so i'm hoping to god she's really only 5 pounds in there...
I thought I was waddling before, well, that was nothing compared to now. I feel like the baby is going to fall right out of my vagina at any moment. imagine walking around like that, go ahead try (for those of you who have been pregnant before i'm sure you know what I am talking about) try it, I bet you CAN'T!
and my feet, omg my feet I can't stand on them for longer than 5 minutes at a time without them hurting and screaming at me "GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME NOW YOU HEAVY COW!"
I have a crush on Justin Bieber
yeah, sad I know but he's so gosh darn cute...
i'm so going to jail or hell
i'll just blame it on hormones
another guilty pleasure is the t.v. show the Vampire Diaries, I was really expecting this show to be so cheesy and a Twilight rip off, but it's actually not that bad. ok, no it is sort of bad really, maybe that's why I watch? I dunno but I can't get enough. and the evil vampire brother totally steals the show
can you believe that October is almost over!?
where the hell has that gone?
i'm starting to wig out, like really, me a mom
I really don't think i'm ready for this life curve ball, you get so cushy and comfy in your normal every day routine and that's all going to change. I think my main problem is that I just can't invision what life will be like once she is here, sure I know it's going to be plain hell for the first 6 weeks, no sleep, diaper changes, feedings, no time for me what gets me is the "joy", "love" everyone talks about that they instantly feel once there child is born. what if I don't have this? what if I look at her and think "it's so not worth it"?? what if I don't love her right away? what if I think she is ugly??
these are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, along with the annual nightly kickings and moving arounds
Thursday, October 15, 2009
everyone is placing bids as to when I am going to have this kid
my "actual" due date is November 24th
I'll know more after today as I have another pre-natal apponitment as to whether or not they are talking induction so that will screw this all to hell, or I can keep it a secret and not tell when that will be.
the hubs thinks that I won't last through October and is claiming it's going to be a Halloween baby
my mom is saying I'll go early too, but I can't remember what she or even if she picked a date, but early November anyways.
so what do you think?
Monday, October 12, 2009
done and good riddance!
a Dutch family of 5 (who has 5 kids now-a-days?!) actually bought and paid for it, and were extremely happy and excited to buy/move in. frankly, I thought it was a hovel myself but with some hard work and $$ that the hubs and I do not have it could be a good house again. I haven't written anything here about it cuz I didn't want to jinx it but now that they have signed the paper work and actually moved in, I sort of can't really believe it. sure it's going to be sort of shitty having neighbors again, but it's such a huge relief and such a weight/stress has been lifted from my shoulders
in other news
I've been having frequent braxton hicks or at least I hope to god it's braxton hicks, it's too early for her to come yet (I'M NOT READY!) yesterday was the worst yet, very crampy with sharp pains and then I also had diarrhea, not cool, especially when it's Thanksgiving and you are visiting family and ingesting not one, but TWO turkey dinners within 2 hrs of each other
I have such a rough life, I tell ya
over and out for now I lost my energy burst
*UPDATE* so I did go to the hospital yesterday just to be sure (at my mother's persistence) and it IS Braxton Hicks (which I so knew it was) but still it was scary being hooked up onto the stress test and worrying that I was in early labour, thankfully i'm not (yet) but the Dr. told me to take it easy and try my best to get to 36 weeks cuz she CANNOT come out before then. so i'm sitting here with a dirty house trying very hard to restrain myself from vacuuming the floor which scary as it sounds is VERY hard for me but so not worth the consequences
Thursday, October 08, 2009
I've been meaning to post this for awhile (well @ least since it was first aired which was a couple of weeks ago). I laughed so hard I was crying, and then I think I peed a little but that's just cuz I pee ALL the time and sometimes I just can't control it (it's entirely the babies fault)
I am LOVING everything about this show. its so off the wall, out of the blue funny and DIFFERENT. sure a lot of it wouldn't happen in real life (like what guy would be so dumb to think you can get a girl pregnant without even having sex??) but I think that is just part of Glee's appeal, you get away from your "norm" for an hour of entertainment.
my fav's or better yet the people that make the show are the cheerleading coach, the principal and, Kurt (I hate to refer to him as the gay guy, that sounds so crude, so he's the Kicker above) and oh yeah let's not forget the hottie with the mohawk.
if you aren't watching this show YOU need to be, trust me
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
mobile and the two colors I am going to paint. doing the long wall in the dark purple and the rest in the beige/tan
Monday, September 21, 2009
this is what I have picked out for baby flea's bedding/room theme, except the room will be done in a lilac purple color
two months to go people
64 days - at least until my due date, I hope to GOD that this little one arrives on time like her mama and that I don't go over
our friends wedding was beautiful, I took maybe 5 pics and then my camera died. I so wanted to get a pic of myself and the hubs (who looked quite sexy in his tuxedo) but, didn't happen cuz my camera is a piece of shit.
and that's all I got for now - peace out
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
in memory of my first "man" crush, I'll never forget watching this movie over and over, and OVER again with my sister and never getting enough
nobody puts baby in a corner
well Patrick nobody ever put you in a corner either, and you will never be forgotten. my heart goes out to your wife and family
~rest in peace~
Friday, September 11, 2009
sure i'm pregnant and I shouldn't care about the excess weight - but I DO! It's going to have to come off at some point and my even bigger issue is that I don't want to have a big baby.
stupid I know
but there I said it
and some of you know I worry about everything so I am constantly thinking or dwelling on this
and it so didn't help matters yesterday when the in-laws were here to watch the DVD of the 3D ultrasound and having my mother-in-law say "you need to go on a diet"
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in other news, I was put off of work - THANK GOD but sort of not in the way I had intended...
I haven't mentioned it here, but I have always (since I can remember) had a condtion where my heart would do what I call "palpate" aka go really fast and I would just brush it off and sometimes it would stop in a few minutes other times it would last quite awhile. I was diagnosed when I was a kid and knew a few tricks to help stop them when they occured. so no big deal right??
well not exactly
since I've been pregnant they happen A LOT more frequently, before they may happen once every 3-4 months if that (usually caffeine triggers it so I would avoid that, god I miss diet coke...), like i'm talking at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. at first I did what I always did, I brushed it off, sometimes I could get it to stop, other times, not. then my mom just randomly mentions one day that it may become an issue during labour, what if my heart has what I call an "episode" during labour, or when I need to push? and then I realized it isn't just ME that I have to worry about any more, it can't be good for the baby when these "episodes" happen and I was also really concerned about my heart during labour. so I mention it to the Dr. this was back in June I believe.
the months go by and nothing is being done
finally last month I was able to be hooked up to a heart monitor for 24hrs, and of course I don't have an "episode" the entire time (which I soooo knew would happen).
anyways, long story short I went to work on Tuesday the 8th and I was having an "episode" so I thought well i'm here the ER was quiet, why not just ask to be hooked up to the monitor to see how fast my heart was going.
it was going 192 - the normal rate is under 100
so I was whisked away in a wheel chair (they wouldn't even let me walk), hooked up to monitors, had an IV inserted and basically had the shit scared out of me. I never fully realized how serious that this could be, like I said I always just dealt with it and brushed it off, stupid probably but that's what I did. at it's highest point it was 234 beats per minute. major wake up call. baby flea is fine, I now have to take medication to help keep it under control and i'm also lined up to see specialists, both OBS and Cardiologists. the exact medical term of what I have is called supra ventricular tachycardia (SVT). and me being a google whore, had to google it and discovered that most people with this do end up having C-sections, while there are a few cases where they deliver vaginally with no problems. I really don't want to have a section which is weird because before I was ever pregnant I was like "I so want a c-section if I ever have kids", and now I totally don't. funny how things change like that
enough about that for now
the big wedding is tomorrow!! I booked myself a pamper day and I'm getting my hair and nails done, which I think I totally deserve after such a stressful week. I may or may not post a pic of me in my dress all done up or not (depending on how much of a whale I look like)
happy friday everyone
Thursday, September 03, 2009
in fact a friend warned me that she had them and I just brushed it off like ah they probably weren't that bad
well, let me tell you
pain unlike anything I have EVER had before and it doesn't instantly go away, in fact I half thought that my leg would remain locked (and when I say locked I mean it's locked, like rigid, solid cannot move) in this excruciating pain for the rest of my life, so then you panic and my eyes are watering and i'm rolling around on the bed in agony, panicking and then its gone as fast as it appeared leaving me to wonder when the next one will hit....
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I got my hair done yesterday and I hate it, well, no that's not right I just hate everything about myself lately
my boobs are leaking colostrum already - woke up the other morning and the hubs was like what is one your shirt, didn't even know it happened or better yet didn't know that that could happen
still working hopefully not for much longer, so want to be done, tired of it all physically and mentally and terrified that I could get H1N1 aka swine flu. it kills pregnant people! esp. if they are in the 3rd trimester - which I am!! paranoid much, check
can you believe it's September already? like where did August go?????
i'm going on Saturday to have a 3D ultrasound done of baby flea, cannot wait to actually see his/her face and to know for sure what we are having
I also need to find a dress to haul my pregnant ass into for the hubs bestest buds wedding the following weekend, so wish me luck on that cuz i'm sure i'm going to need it....
other than that it's business as usual for me - aka not a whole lot :P
check ya later!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 01, 2009
i'm not complaining
cuz I would rather sit on my ass than be busy
so what's new...
well it has finally warmed up and we've had a "few" sunny days in my parts (finally) this has to be the worst summer EVER
also enjoyed some much needed time with my sissy as she has been home for the past week (is now gone :( again)
i've been eating like a hungry hippo (seriously) and in fact gained 8 pounds in one month @ my last prenatal visit, which was shocking but really up until this point i've only put on 2-3 pounds a month, i just hope next month isn't quite as bad...
some foods that i've been loving:
BBQ Ruffles and or Plain Ruffles (to DIE for)
bbq'd steak (mmmmm)
Skor icecream by Breyers (yummy)
still lovin the freezes
and ya that's enough talk about food cuz now i'm hungry....
what else have I got??
i'm really disappointed in SYTYCD this season, there is just nobody that I am loving, you know like how I loved Twitch or Will last year. it's just meh. and I cannot stand Evan and i'm sure he's totally going to win. I would like to see Jeanine win but that's just my opinion. and the 100th episode show where Katie Holmes did her little piece - omg was so bad like beyond bad and hello if it was pre-recorded at least she could've sang live...ugh it was a lot of hype for NOTHING
I can't really get into Big Brother this year either...
and that's all I got a few bits about reality t.v and food
pretty sad really
catch ya later :P
Saturday, July 18, 2009
i'm finding working more difficult of course it doesn't help when my job is mostly physical and extremely tiring and just plain hard work. I can't go and go like I used to, i'm noticing the 1st thing to go is my back, then my feet and then i'm just plain tired and that's only usually 3-4 hrs into my shift. i'm going to cut back though as I have been lifting on heavy stuff that I prob shouldn't be and frankly the way I felt when I left here last night I could have cried (then I laid awake all night with aches and pains) so i'm not doing it anymore it's so not worth it
i also noticed yesterday that I now waddle
I always thought to myself well I will never walk like that when i'm pregnant, well guess what you have no say what-so-ever in that matter, it's like your body has a mind of it's own
i've also lost my belly button, i don't know how that's even possible but it's happened. it's just gotten flatter and flatter and what do you know GONE, well not entirely and god I hope I don't get one of those protruding belly buttons but i'm sure that is BOUND to happen too.....
and the peeing
you think you have to go sooooo bad and then when you take all the effort to haul your gigantic ass out of bed (doesn't help when your back is screaming at you) there's only a tiny dribble. i think I may take up permanent residence on the toilet, i mean you can sleep there can't you??
I had my ultra sound last week, thankfully i'm not carrying twins, despite the fact that every person I run into seems to think so...
or that my dates are totally wrong, surely i'm further along than what I am cuz i'm so huge
well guess what i'm not ppl she's just measuring long, cuz she's tall like her daddy. so back off. mmm kay
also survived and passed my sugar testing which I was DREADING and actually it was so not bad at all, I had heard horror stories about how awful the drink was and frankly I didn't mind it at all and frankly I don't know why I was so stressed and worried about it but i'm glad it's over and done
and that's all I got - peace out :P
Friday, July 03, 2009
our weather here in my neck of the woods has been pure shit rain for the last 3 weeks and it won't be letting up anytime soon, so this morning was just like any other morning it was raining and better yet starting to thunder quite badly in the distance and I of course am awake at 5:00 am and cannot get back to sleep (suffering from insomnia lately which is a whole other post), i'm laying there my body is aching (esp. my bum knee prob from all this GD rain) and work calls, which they never do and I think well I might as well get up and do something and better yet make some $$
worst idea of my life ever
1st of all I couldn't shower cuz it is thundering like a mofo, which isn't too bad but it would have at least woken me up, I mean sure it's been a few days but I don't smell (at least I don't think I do....) and who the hell do I have to impress anyways....?? so off I go
I drag my sorry ass ALL day long, cannot seem to shake being sleepy and tired and frankly the bags under my eyes are probably harvesting little creatures they are that deep. seriously
oh, I forgot to mention that my dog Zoey is terrified of thunder and lightning and she so did not want me to leave which I felt terribly guilty about doing and also knowing, knowing in the back of my mind that I would arrive home to a mess on the floor (aka pee or poop which I would have to clean up cuz the hubs is a wuss). so one dog was out to do his business and the other wasn't. just had to get that in here...
ok 2nd mistake was eating 2, yes 2 (I was hungry) hot dogs from the evil cafeteria @ the hospital. at the time they were so good, and yummy. not so much later
so I finally finish work, exhausted beyond words I was supposed to get groceries after work but the thought of doing that made me want to weep, so I scratched that off my to do list and proceeded right to going and eating greasy french fries & deep fried chicken (mistake #3), while eating my supper/lunch I encounter the first bowel spasm. not good. not sure if I haven't talked about it before but I hate to go to public washrooms unless I really, really have to, especially if it's #2 so I brush it off knowing i'm heading straight home and finish my meal as quickly as possible. I should note that I live about 25 min away. this was the most excruciating drive of my life ever. I don't know how I didn't shit myself, i don't know how I managed to drive with severe bowel spasms rocking my body every 5 minutes. at one point I was almost ready to pull over and just go on the side of the road. the whole time i'm thinking just pull over and go but I just can't. I finally make it home run inside literally doubled over and just make it to the bathroom noting on my way inside that yes the dog did indeed piss on the floor in fact I have the river Nile in my hallway but I DON'T CARE
i'll spare the details but will use this one word EXPLOSIVE
that's all you need to know
well that and I managed to plug the toilet
I let the dogs outside (finally) poor things i'm such a terrible bad mother (this kid really doesn't have a hope in hell), go to the 2nd bathroom (avoiding the pee which is everywhere) and go to the bathroom AGAIN. change out of work clothes and proceed to bathroom #1 with the plugged toilet to un-plug it, which frankly I have no clue how to do "properly" and thus ended up splashing my own poo poo onto myself.
finish unplugging the toilet and change into yet another pair of pants avoiding the pee yet again
as I was leaving my room for oh now the 3rd time I thought I had avoided the pee but I guess I didn't cuz the next thing I know I am on the floor right dab in the middle of the freakin puddle on my ass
told ya I should've stayed in bed didn't I
I changed yet again and somehow managed to clean up the remainder of the pee that I didn't land in without throwing up (it was close, holy hell it stank) I think the only reason I didn't puke was that would be yet another mess to clean and I was having no more of that....
honestly, I think I was more traumatized from slipping and falling in the pee more than anything but as the cramps continued on and on and on I than began to worry about my little flea inside of me. thankfully i'm fine today (now a day later), baby is fine but the next time I have the feeling to stay in bed all day I think that's exactly what I'll do
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I also discovered my first stretch marks on my above mentioned breasts at first I thought it was just creases from my shirt (I just woke up) but sadly no, they didn't fade away, still there. I think I cried a little and i'm sure they are only the beginning even though I religiously lather myself in lotion that is supposed to enhance my skin's elasticity. well at least I smell nice
in other news, miss jilly has yet to have her baby and will be induced tomorrow so let's all keep her in our thoughts and prayers and hope for a good delivery and healthy, happy baby. I can't wait to meet him!!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
and I mean these are full on, hardcore fits, like laugh until your sides hurt, tears (literally gushes of water) streaming from my eyes and i'm left gasping for air, i'm sure I look like either
a) someone having a epileptic fit (i mean no offense to anyone who has seizures..)
b) some crazy wacked out lady whose high on acid or whatever drug and will soon have the munchies..
c) someone having an allergic reaction (my face gets beat red)
d) all of the above
the 1st time this happened I was shopping in Sears with my mom and Jilly who can literally pop her baby boy out any day (this was a few weeks ago), now I dunno what it is about Sears but I hate this store in fact we all hate it, but every time we shop we end up in there like a bad dream. perhaps it is the dreary gloomy dank lighting or the lazy clerks who never want to help you and so painfully ring you in ever so slowly or it may be all the 100's of different perfumes they have on hand, i just cannot stand this store.
so here we are in the ladies section (again) as jilly needs to get a nursing bra and my mom (who is on the shorter side) somehow manages to back into a clothing rack driving the rack into her back. not really funny right, in fact I should have been concerned about whether or not she was truly hurt but something about the look on her face as it happened and the way she grabbed her neck set me off
I was so gone, i burst out laughing and could not stop
time laughing 10 min at least and then I still had the giggles the entire time in the store
and then the weird case happend
I took to laughing during sex
yes, that's right you read it right. right dab in the middle of having sex I took the fits and could not stop
like what the hell
so other than having lot's of giggle fits and receiving more and more comments about my ever expanding waistline, not much else is new. I recently signed and started an on-line course which lasts for 6 wks and hopefully will snag me a much better job than what i'm currently doing, so keep your fingers crossed
other than that I got nothing! hope everyone else is doing fine
Monday, June 01, 2009
still nothing really new and exciting other than I'm sporting a larger belly, which has grown drastically the last couple of weeks. (15 weeks this week!!!)
so far I have encountered the following sayings repeatably and i'm sure it is only going to get worse but every time I hear one of these I want to scream:
How are you feeling? - ok, I know you mean well but how the hell do you think i'm feeling? I feel like shit, i'm tired, i'm cranky and oh yeah i've gained 5+ pounds nothing fits anymore and I want to CRY ALL THE TIME. i say none of this though I just smile and nod
Are you excited? - no, not really because I am in DENIAL. again, smile and nod
When are you due? - November, to which they smile look at my every protruding belly and say, oh??! WTF then they usually say are you sure there is only one in there? like c'mon how freaking RUDE can a person be and as another pregnant friend has informed me this only gets WORSE, that and they resort to patting your belly. if some stranger pats my belly I will attempt to hit them or throw something at them
Do you want to know what it is? - well I sure as hell hope it's not an alien (which I think it sort of is..) and I always hesitate on this one because you either say "yes" to which you get the following response of "well I wouldn't want to know, your ruining the surprise" or if you say no you get the opposite of "well, it would make it so much easier to buy things". so I just smile and nod at this too and walk away
people probably think i'm deaf, dumb or whatever but I don't care
and I just lost my energy burst
think i'll have a nap
catch up with u all later :P
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I LOVE me some No Doubt and I have, HAVE to see them this summer when the go on tour, regardless of the fact that I will be however many months pregnant I have to be there. I have loved this band since the beginning before they blew up and hit the roof and have not stopped since. and I have a love/hate realtionship with Gwen as I wish I could be her, she's cool, hip, stylish and the girl next door all in one (and she is married to Gavin Rossdale whom I also LOVED in the 90's)
so here's a snipet of them on Ellen the other day just to tease me and get me even more excited about the tour this summer
Thursday, May 07, 2009
oh the lows one has to face while pregnant
i finally got to go shopping for some much needed new clothes (ahem maternity) this past weekend in Bangor, Maine. and let me say AMEN for maternity clothes it's so nice to have clothes fit and better yet to be comfortable.
anyways in my haste at the cash register to pay for my wonderful, comfy new clothes I happened to notice a display of panties and thought yeah i'm probably due for some of these too and i don't know if I had a blond moment or just couldn't read or perhaps I was distracted by my grumbling stomach (which is ALWAYS hungry) which knew it was going to have a feast at Olive Garden shortly hereafter, either way I thought I grabbed the "lowrise boy short" kind and continued on my merry way.
well when I got home I soon discovered that I had purchased the wrong frigging kind, like way wrong. these things are so hideous and repulsive and BIG. sure when i'm 8-9 months pregnant they probably won't be but for right now the can stay hidden in the bottom of my pantie drawer. this really depresses me for some reason like farewell thongs hello granny panties!
i'm on the cusp of a whole new world and it is TERRIFYING
and since i'm a lazy ass and haven't started a journal and may never get around to it thought i would track or write some of the things i've been craving, feeling, etc
freezes - omg i cannot get enough of these and i'm sure they are so bad for me (umm can you say sugar) but one word yummy!
i've been super nauseous and sicky poo the last few weeks, hoping now that i'm at 12 weeks to be on the other side of this....
i'm 12 weeks pregnant!
that is sooooo wrong and weird and exciting all in one
sometimes i don't feel or think i'm pregnant
then i see the already growing bump and it goes away
i can and could sleep ALL day
not sure if this is part of pregnancy but i'm blaming it on it anyways, but my memory is like, non existant at this point. for example I had to work the weekend, didn't have anything to eat for supper so I stopped at Subway and being the good girl that I am I picked up a chocolate milk instead of a Diet Coke drove not even 5 min down the road, get out of car to go to work, then proceed to work for 30+ min before I realized that I left the stupid choc milk in the car
I would do or give anything to have clear skin again, thankfully it hasn't spread to my face but everywhere else, mainly my poor back is peppered in zits. ewwww
I'm freaking out thinking that my baby will be handicapped in some way is that normal? or that he/she will be ugly and I know that comes across as being very vain but what if I have the kid with the big ears or nose?
i think i bit off more than I could chew...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
the swine flu - i'm terrified and think the end of the world is coming. seriously
the weather in my neck of the woods has been so beautiful and warm the last few days. spring is finally, FINALLY here, in fact it is almost humid/muggy here today. LOVE IT
had the privilege of watching the "birthing video" last night in prenatal class and really it's you know shocking but what got me the most was the ladies vajayjay hair. OMG it was so long and bushy you could braid it. so gross. and how embarrassing. i will NOT let it get that bad in fact I informed my husband that once i'm to the point that I cannot see it anymore he will have to trim it for me. sure I get the fact that when i'm that far gone in labour i probably won't give a damn but ewwww I don't want long bushy hair down there EVER. i just vomited in my mouth thinking about it, can you imagine how it would smell (shudders)
I also finally got my shrieky eyebrows waxed the other day and they look so much better, also got my hair did and while it is a little on the short side i'm sure it will grow in like a day. i may or may not take a pic and post it here
Idol is on tonite!!
Lost 100th episode is tomorrow night can't wait to see what happens
yes my life revovles around t.v
sad isn't it
Friday, April 17, 2009
I'm sick of working, more precisely i'm sick of working like every freakin weekend. not that I even do anything on weekends anymore, but still nothing irks me more than seeing someone write on crackbook "TGIF" well it isn't for me you f*@%!
I'm also sick of being bloated, like wtf? and on a sadder note I can no longer button my one and only pair of jeans and have thus resorted to wearing jogging pants 24/7. the only plus to this is that I never leave me house so thank god nobody sees me
I thought April is supposed to be warm and springy. well it isn't. i'm frickin freezing ALL the time, and on Easter it snowed here
I miss my sissy
how awsome is the show Fringe? and better yet, how freakin HOT is Joshua Jackson??? you must watch this show if you haven't and if you are into a show half Grey's/CSI cuz it's a combination of something like that but with a kick of the X-files too. so good
i need a hobby - anyone got anything that I could take up?
and that's about it, or at least all I got for now
peace out :P
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
my waist has thickened some already and I'm already having to unbutton my one pair of jeans when I sit down (this is not so cool)
nausea - check
thank god no vomiting (yet)
and lastly, this may be gross to some people but I smell different you know down "there" and yes there is even stuff coming out. i could do without this too
enough on that subject
I totally need a new do and I am counting down the days until I have an appt with my hairdresser but everyone keeps saying pregnant women SHOULD NOT CUT THERE HAIR well at least not a short drastic cut but I need to do something, I mean I am hating my hair, it just feels nasty. It's dried out (i've deep conditioned it so many times I've lost count) and just feels so gross and nasty. part of me wants a cute chin length bob and the other part knows I should/need layers and keep my current length. I wish I could go tomorrow and have it done. guess i'll just have to suffer for another 2 weeks
and lastly I just have to bring up American Idol for a moment
I like Adam quite a bit, but really why all the hype about him? He's not that good/great and frankly I much prefer Allison over him. i. don't. get. it.
and I know it is really mean to make fun of handicapped people but I can't help but laugh a little while watching ________ (i so just forgot his name) umm the blind guy. last night was so akward and bad, i really think it's his night to go home
and that's all she wrote for another day
Thursday, April 02, 2009
this has kicked my anxiety up another 5 levels and my mind will just not stop racing
1st there was the possibility that I may have a tubal pregnancy, which thankfully they don't think I have as the pregnancy hormone has increased a lot (all I can say is thank god I don't mind having blood work done), but I was having a lot of pain in my lower right side the week previous to when I found "out" and i'm grateful to have this behind me but still it was an extra stress and worry for me
2nd I have experienced spotting, not a lot but it scared me and I can't help but feel that this just isn't meant to be and that i am going to lose the baby. is that weird? I mean me as a mom, ohmygod!
and lastly I tripped and fell at work last week and it was weird, like for the first time it's not just about me anymore
this is a lot to take in and deal with
the online websites
the terrifying fear of *gasp* labour
the changes in my body (already)
and it goes on and on
and on top of all that the neighbors from hell are moving out (long story short, they were renting to own or 2nd house, but have decided to back out and buy a different house), which i'm glad for it's been nothing but bad from the get go, but it's an extra stress that I just don't need right now.
I think i'll crawl back in bed and not come out for awhile
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
while we apologize for her recent lack of posts (again) she at least has a reasonable excuse this time (I wouldn't let her get away with it to often)
and no it doesn't have to do with Brad or Angelina or Jen and washisname myer or any celeb at all but it is life altering for her, in fact it is so huge she still hasn't come to terms with it all and thus left it to us to tell you.....
which explains A LOT
no wonder she's been so moody and grouchy and eating us out of house and home (HAHA)
poor flea flea doesn't know to be excited or if she wants to cry (in fact I think I hear her crying in the other room must be an "emotional" day). and honestly we only told a few people and already the whole county knows so we thought, well why not share it with our few blogger friends that we have left. Now don't go be telling her either that we told you, she's afraid that by everyone knowing that she will somehow magically lose the baby as soon as everyone knows (which would be awful) but whatev. what will be will be
so get prepared ya'll cuz i'm sure the next oh 9 months are going to be very interesting on here
miz flea flea's pps
Friday, March 20, 2009
as (gasp) 30 approaches I cannot deny the fact that I'm getting older (even though I don't feel or act it at times). so today I decided to finally remove my belly button ring that I have had for over 10 years because really who am I kidding? i sure as heck am not 20 nor do I have the appropriate figure to display it to the world (it has been hidden for the last oh 5+ years)
you may ask why the hell I didn't take it out long ago and the reason is this, I was terrified and scared like a baby. frankly it hurt like a mofo and then on top of that it was infected for weeks which hurt even more if that is possible. so I left that baby in there and it wasn't coming out. until today
and truly it wasn't that bad coming out
OK, perhaps it was
it took me at least 10 minutes to gather the courage in the 1st place, another 5 to let the hubs actually "touch" it, there may have been some squealing involved and maybe a little whimpering and whining but it came out
I'm a little sad about this really
this symbolised my teenage hood, my rebellious wild side and all I have now is increasing fat rolls and sagging breasts
life is so cruel
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
remember Shrieky from the Care Bears (at least I think that's what she's from..)
this has been me lately (sadly I think my eyebrows are the same as hers right now too, as i've neglected them, amongst other things)
just the littlest things set me off
the dogs - annoy me they bark, they track in the mud from my mud pit of a yard (i'll have to take pics so u see what I mean...), they just plain annoy the hell out of me
the cat - Charlie particularly, he is an "outdoor" cat most of the time but lately he just won't go out, so he goes around meowing and just plain annoying the hell out of me and i think he totally is doing it on purpose
dishes, laundry, toilets, i dispise them all
what up with that
is it PMS? is i just being tired?
or it could be the fact that I finally weighed myself the other day and well i'm now offically the heaviest i've ever been in my life. can you say depressing! frig that really didn't help matters
so i think i'll take shrieky and just go back to my cave and not come out for awhile
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
not a whole lot really, I'm just coming off working the last 4 days and I am EXHAUSTED! I don't know how these people can do 7 yes SEVEN day stretches of these! omg after shift 3 I was done in then I got a call yesterday and just couldn't say no, so I worked another 3-11
i was almost crying at the end of the shift, never been so physically tired
thankfully it's over and i'm feeling it today, still extremely beat and it's now almost 4 in the afternoon and i'm still in my pj's and have not brushed my hair or even looked in a mirror (don't think I want to it may scare me)
so on war and upwards as they say
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
my fav auntie Sharol (aka 2nd mommy) is coming home for 2 weeks and is arriving home tomorrow nite!! YAY! cannot wait to see her as it's been 2 1/2 months since she was last home. and oh how I miss her!!
is anyone else sick of hearing about RiRi and Chris Brown? so tired of hearing this, and even more sickening is the fact that she went back and that he will probably get out of this without losing anything. either way i'm so tired of hearing about it all
also sick of Octo mom, surely she has had her 15 minute already....although the Jimmy Kimmel joke that other night was freaking hilarious
does anyone still watch Desperate Housewives?? I came across it the other night at work and I was like "this is still on??" haven't watched it since season 2...
daylight savings time can kiss my ass
although I do enjoy the extra hour of light at the end of the day...
why am I always hungry?
think I'll watch me some YouTube..
peace out :)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Snow banks and trees looking very pretty covered in snow in our back yard
The unbroken trail before us. This was really tough going and we had to stop every 10 minutes or so to take a break, really, really hard on the legs
Thursday, February 26, 2009
you know how when you find a perfect job, you apply and you have high hopes that you will get this said job, but you try not to get too excited or worked up about it, brushing it all off as "if it's meant to be" and all that jazz but yet deep down knowing that you will get this job. it's perfect for you. You even have a family friend on the inside that has agreed to "put in a good word" for you.
well today, I received a letter stating that I was not qualified for this said "job" and thus out of the running. case closed.
to say that this was a blow to the gut is an understatement. it's sort of put things in perspective that I have been ignoring for months, and thus sent me into a tail spin.
i'm angry, upset, disappointed in myself
I feel like a failure
and sure, it would have been nice to have a full time job again but I know deep down that I will not be happy in an admin position. sure I could do it and after six months I would just be miserable again. and this stupid job in question was only for 1 year with possibility of renewal (i've been there done that and it didn't work out), so it's probably best in the long run but still...
which leads me back to - well what do I want to do for a living?
I DON'T KNOW!
I've never known
which just makes me even more frustrated
I can't seem to muster an ounce of motivation to do anything. I'm supposed to be studying and learning medical terminology which could possibly land me a job at the hospital. But do you think I have picked the book up at all?
the answer is no, why i'm not sure, i'm just so confused, angry and bitter right now I don't seem to want to do anything and I have been this way for months. I can't seem to snap out of it.
maybe this kick to the stomach will get me going (I doubt it)
but I need to do something, I just wish I could have someone tell me what I need to do, of course that would be to easy.
and on top of all that i'm super emotional lately, I could just cry and cry and that's pretty much all i've done since I read that stupid letter this morning. which is probably my hormones, cuz yes, I finally went off the birth control pill. not that I want to get pregnant right now but I may in 4-6 months, who knows and I've been on the pill for at least 10 years and seeings how heavy my last period was it makes me wonder how natural it is for us to take that in the 1st place. On the pill I did well to bleed maybe 1 or 1 1/2 days, off the pill I went 7 and then some. I was sort of freaked out by how much I bled. So I wanted to get it out of my system, stupid probably and I may just go back on it. I don't know!
i have so many thoughts running through my head right now I can't keep it all straight
just another day in my ho hum life