Tuesday, October 20, 2009

fly on the wall

nothing fits me anymore, i'm freakin HUGE and i'm so sick of wearing the same maternity clothes, day in and day out. the other night I was to tired and wore a t-shirt that I could wear two months ago with my pj's and honestly it was a belly shirt gone horribly wrong. the hubs took one look at me and laughed. that BAD but I didn't change because i'm to the point that I just don't care anymore. I never thought I would get to that point either but i'm totally there.

I had an ultra sound done yesterday to see how the baby is growing due to the medication that I am on for my SVT it can cause the baby to not grow so they had to be sure she's "ok", well I could tell them that she is, as I stated above i'm huge and all along i've been measuring a couple of weeks ahead of what I should be or the "normal". well guess what, she's at about 7 pounds already and I still have 5 weeks to go! the ultrasound tech was all smug like "guess you won't be needing much for newborn stuff" and "I am betting on about 9 pounds". I wanted to take that little wand thingy that they rub on your belly and wack him in the head.

insensitive ass

on a side note from what i've googled, they can typically be two pounds off, so i'm hoping to god she's really only 5 pounds in there...

I thought I was waddling before, well, that was nothing compared to now. I feel like the baby is going to fall right out of my vagina at any moment. imagine walking around like that, go ahead try (for those of you who have been pregnant before i'm sure you know what I am talking about) try it, I bet you CAN'T!

and my feet, omg my feet I can't stand on them for longer than 5 minutes at a time without them hurting and screaming at me "GET OFF! GET OFF OF ME NOW YOU HEAVY COW!"

I have a crush on Justin Bieber

yeah, sad I know but he's so gosh darn cute...

i'm so going to jail or hell

i'll just blame it on hormones

another guilty pleasure is the t.v. show the Vampire Diaries, I was really expecting this show to be so cheesy and a Twilight rip off, but it's actually not that bad. ok, no it is sort of bad really, maybe that's why I watch? I dunno but I can't get enough. and the evil vampire brother totally steals the show

can you believe that October is almost over!?

where the hell has that gone?

i'm starting to wig out, like really, me a mom

really???

I really don't think i'm ready for this life curve ball, you get so cushy and comfy in your normal every day routine and that's all going to change. I think my main problem is that I just can't invision what life will be like once she is here, sure I know it's going to be plain hell for the first 6 weeks, no sleep, diaper changes, feedings, no time for me what gets me is the "joy", "love" everyone talks about that they instantly feel once there child is born. what if I don't have this? what if I look at her and think "it's so not worth it"?? what if I don't love her right away? what if I think she is ugly??

these are the thoughts that keep me awake at night, along with the annual nightly kickings and moving arounds

4 comments:

Mo said...

I'm going to be completely honest with you here. Are ya ready?

Here we go...

Every newborn baby is ugly. Period.

I've seen my fair share of brand spankin new babies and every single one of them look like little old wrinkly men. However, they grow into their facial features and eventually the wrinkles turn into fat rolls and about 99% of the time they become cute, eventually. Anyone who thinks that a newly born straight outta the vagina baby is cute is either in denial or they're trying to be nice. Also, new mothers have these things called rose colored glasses. They really come in handy and I'll bet you'll get them. :o)

I applaud you during this whole pregnancy thing. You're being totally honest about it and I adore you for it. Pregnancy is not all baby dust and wishing the day away while day dreaming about breastfeeding your newborn. It's about hemorrhoids and swollen feet and insomnia and doctors putting their fingers up your hoo-ha.

You're gonna be a great mom.

Wandering Coyote said...

I agree with Mo: your honesty is extremely rare and very courageous, and I honestly don't think you are alone in your fears. We just aren't socialized to talk about them because women are not supposed to have any negative feelings about this stuff.

Keep it up, OK?

I have all the faith in the universe that you will love this baby! And I have all the faith in the universe that you will be fantastic mother! YOU WILL BE! I KNOW IT!

Go you! I'm thinking about you every day, wishing you well!

mcBlogger said...

Feer not, it's totally normal to worry about these things. Very few people, and I mean VERY few, don't instantly feel a connection to their own children, probably cuz those ones are crack whores or psychopaths, the rest, nature just takes over. You'll be a great mother. I can tell, cuz you're worrying already. ha ha

Swishy said...

OK, I KNOW some women who are not crack whores OR psychopaths who took a little while to attach to their babies, so don't worry about a thing either way, it will all work out!!! You are hilarious, you crack me up, and you are gonna be the coolest belly shirt-wearing mom ever!!!