Wednesday, March 31, 2010

march in review

wow it's the 31st of March already! I could almost do a happy dance as winter is almost (surely) behind us.

yet another month has gone by in a blur

what can I say about March of 2010 other than holy wow the weather was fantabulous! for almost 2 weeks I was out everyday with baby girl walking or snowshoeing. very warm/mild and more importantly sunny! I felt great these weeks like I was almost back to normal and then well the weather shifted and I feel like shit, ok, it's not that bad but it's totally the weather blues.

many visits this month with friends and family (so lots of road trips or running the roads as the hubs likes to call it)

a surprise visit from my favorite auntie on the 19th for a week was another bonus

changes in Lily this month:

- lots of laughs and giggles

- plenty of smiles

- talking (well in baby talk) lots of a-goos & razzing noises

- reaching and grasping at things (loves to pull mommy's hair)

- holding her head up better & stronger every day

her personality is starting to come out which is so fun. overall I couldn't ask for a better baby, she sleeps good, she eats good and hardly ever cries or fusses (for now). I am trying to just enjoy every minute and not fret and worry about my future work plans. I wish I could just hit pause sometimes and just stay in this moment as she totally worships me and her daddy right now, when she sees either one of us she just lights right up (makes my heart melt a little)

i promise to post pics soon

so long March!!!

Friday, March 26, 2010

another one bites the dust

quickie post coming up but at least it is a post...

so I didn't get into the 2nd course that I applied for either, which left me very upset. actually no, I was major upset and flew into a tail spin (aka hissy fit), I cried, I yelled and then I cried some more. I thought I didn't have my hopes up but I guess I sort of now I don't really know what my future holds work wise and frankly i'm done worrying about it at least until summer is over.

that is one thing I am very, very grateful for is that we have a one year mat leave option (even though the pay is paltry to say the least at least it is there)


i'm sort of feeling dim and low actually, perhaps it is the weather as it went from very warm/mild/sunny to bleak, cold and windy within a week

or perhaps i'm a tad bit depressed

there I said it

I shouldn't be at all but that blackness is there

la de da happy thoughts happy thoughts cannot let it in again

I need a girls day out

or hair therapy

or a $5000 shopping spree...wouldn't that be fun!

and i'm over and out for now, must sleep

Friday, March 19, 2010

another weekly update

umm nothing really new with me actually but I am setting a goal this year to at least try to post weekly and well it's been a week since my last rant. so here I am again. sadly though it seems like the few blogs that I have been reading haven't been updated, so where is everyone at? on vacay? or just not blogging?

boo on there not being a survivor episode this week, I look forward to my weekly dose of Boston Rob so shame on you CBS

and OMG lost, where to start? I feel like the last few shows have been a tad disappointing, they hype it up so much and then nothing! so next weeks show had better be good

I finally got a new camera so you will probably be bombarded with pictures of my precious one, so don't say I didn't warn you. or I may just not as i'm lazy when I do have a free minute

ah what else...

the weather has remained so far fantabulous for March, in fact it feels more like April and I have to constantly remind myself that indeed it is still March. craziness but I love it!

and I've been walking almost every day and feel a lot better a)knowing that I am at least making an effort to get in shape and b)getting outside in the fresh air

it's amazing how good you feel after

oh and surprize!

my auntie Sharol is home again! woot woot love the last minute, unplanned surprize trips, so she's home for 8 days

and that's a weekly wrap for ya!

over and out

Friday, March 12, 2010

still crabby abby

i'm still a bit crabby and irritable as ole hell but i'm trying but man oh man it's hard

went shopping today and wanted to cry/scream as the clothes just didn't look pretty, and therefore didn't make me feel pretty. it's weird as I feel almost back to normal size wise, other than the deflated tire that is my abdomen (aka baby harvester) and I really only need to lose about 15 pounds to be back to where I was pre-pregnancy and you honestly wouldn't think it would make that much of a difference but holy hell I guess it does!


and I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself it has only been about 3 1/2 months and I can't just snap my fingers and be back to normal but man I wish

I just wish sometimes you know...


didn't watch the oscars, don't really care about them honestly so no fashion run down this year

don't give a rats ass either about Idol this year, it really, really needs to be the last year for this show. just not the same anymore and sadly I must admit that I do indeed miss paula a little. and while I normally love Ellen, she's coming across wrong or something I can't quite pinpoint it...nerves perhaps? dunno, don't care, not watching

two shows that I cannot miss are LOST and Survivor

highlights of my life

well other than miss lily

who is just utterly amazing and probably the only person I can't be a craby abby to, no matter how tired I am

over and out ~ shut eye time

Monday, March 08, 2010

mid life crisis?

so i've been in sort of a funk, or more like anxiety ridden, depressed, out of sorts and I can't really figure out why

ok, no that isn't true I can pinpoint what it is

I had a baby

and while I love her more than my life it's totally spun me in new directions. I mean I knew it would change my life but yet I don't think I really grasped it until it happened.

everything and I mean everything is different

I'm late for everything now, I never in my life was ever late for anything. no matter how organized I try to be (mind you it is getting better/easier with practice) i'm at least 10-15 minutes late

I can't just pick up and leave anymore I have to have a game plan

when I hear bad news about other small children either being sick, injured, hurt or killed I cry (example the children in Haiti) and am heartbroken and sick to my stomach at the thought of anything happening to her

I am not number one anymore, hunger, the need to pee, shower, whatever can wait until she is happy and or asleep

i'm just having a time of it all and can't quite comprehend that i'm a mother

add in on top of that i'm going to be the big 3 0 this year and you can say mid life crisis - hello!


and I also didn't get into 1 of the programs for school in the fall (still waiting on the other but i'm thinking it doesn't look good either).

so i'm bummed out

and I have no clue what my plan is for the fall

as of right now I don't want to work at all, I would be happy/content to just stay home with her but financially we can't do that

i'm freaking out here