so i've been in sort of a funk, or more like anxiety ridden, depressed, out of sorts and I can't really figure out why
ok, no that isn't true I can pinpoint what it is
I had a baby
and while I love her more than my life it's totally spun me in new directions. I mean I knew it would change my life but yet I don't think I really grasped it until it happened.
everything and I mean everything is different
I'm late for everything now, I never in my life was ever late for anything. no matter how organized I try to be (mind you it is getting better/easier with practice) i'm at least 10-15 minutes late
I can't just pick up and leave anymore I have to have a game plan
when I hear bad news about other small children either being sick, injured, hurt or killed I cry (example the children in Haiti) and am heartbroken and sick to my stomach at the thought of anything happening to her
I am not number one anymore, hunger, the need to pee, shower, whatever can wait until she is happy and or asleep
i'm just having a time of it all and can't quite comprehend that i'm a mother
add in on top of that i'm going to be the big 3 0 this year and you can say mid life crisis - hello!
and I also didn't get into 1 of the programs for school in the fall (still waiting on the other but i'm thinking it doesn't look good either).
so i'm bummed out
and I have no clue what my plan is for the fall
as of right now I don't want to work at all, I would be happy/content to just stay home with her but financially we can't do that
i'm freaking out here