Tuesday, January 29, 2008

it's like this, like that and this and ah

does anyone else remember that song? prob not


time for some much needed ramblings of mine

i'm still in shock over Heath and still can't quite really believe it. even more so, i'm so sickened by what we as a society have become. he was a private person, kept to himself, his daughter was his life and to glorify his death with pictures all over the Internet of his body being taken from the building in a body bag and the literally thousands of paparatzi's camera bulbs flashing, the hounding of his family and loved ones really is not necessary. and why do we care? sure he was talented, young, with his whole life ahead of him but do we really need to make him another Anna Nicole Smith? would that be what he wanted to be remembered for was his "possible OD" and that he was in broke back mountain? i think not

and can you believe the latest rumour? omg i almost peed my pants!! new kids may be reuniting for a "reunion tour". hee!! like any other young tween that grew up in the late 80's early 90's i was in love, LOVE with this band. and no i'm not ashamed to admit it...ok, maybe a little. but still I loved Jordan, he was my boyfriend (in my mind anyways) and to sadly see him 10+ years later on that reality show (drawing a blank on the name, but I think it was the one with flavor flav and Bridgett Nielsen.....) it just isn't the same. still though i would totally pay to see them in concert now. guess will see if this turns out to be true in the next week or so....as of right now it's up in the air


did anyone else watch TLC's "miss reality check" for Miss America? and am I the only one that was severally disappointed because Miss Michigan won? I thought the whole theory of the show was to re-vamp the contest and bring it to a modern age? so then why did they chose a winner, that was such a typical stereotype pageant contest? blond hair, over tanned, tacky ugly fugly dress that was so from the 80's (it was sheer people in the middle and had sheer arms...ugh! i must find a pic somewhere of it....) and her talent was singing, and not even good singing she butchered "some where over the rainbow" in yet another godawful gown. perhaps i'm just bitter that the girl I pegged to win was runner up....i dunno I was totally pissed though. oh and how badly does Mark Steinous blow? the guy from ET, god he was terrible. in fact I can't believe I sat their on a saturday night to watch this for 2 hours. how sad am I?

and i'm soooo sick of hearing about U.S election crap, and it's just beginning. i don't even live in the U.S!

oh and I totally peg Clinton to win

not that i care or anything

sick of American Idol too, LAME stop beating a dead horse already, hating it this year

LOST is on this Thursday!!

rest of TV is crap, when will the writers strike be over?

oh! almost forgot how many pps totally think Angie & Brad are preggers again? me!!!

and congrats to Gwen & Gavin on baby # 2! how awesome is that
and i think that Angie & Gwen totally planned it as they were both pregnant at the same time before....conceidence....i think not

i'm out :P

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

sadly stunned

Heath Ledger was found dead today of an apparent overdose


to say i'm shocked, stunned, saddened doesn't even do justice....

i feel in love with him way back in 99' when he stared in "10 things I hate about you" with Julia Stiles (luv this movie) and even though I have never watched Brokeback Mountain i'm sure he was amazing/flawless in this movie. such a talented person.

i shall miss you

Heather Ledger

Thursday, January 17, 2008


i've been blogging at this site since 2004, that boggles my mind to think that I have been coming here to rant, vent, try to be funny (which i'm totally NOT), try to be cool and basically what ever i needed it for.

the only reason I started this site was because two other friends (one being miz jilly) had blogs and it was the cool thing to do and me being the "follower" that I so am, I just had to have one.

also my other purpose was to stay in touch with family members, my grandmother had just passed away and I wanted to be or needed to be in touch with my family. sadly, that didn't last long and it's sad as to how much a family can drift apart after you take away the main "beam" from the foundation. course one could argue and say we were never really close to begin with but at least we always got together on gram's special occasions or we at least had that "link".

i always blogged from work back then, working in gov't i had it pretty easy and it carried through with me until last year when everything went all to hell. course i shouldn't ever have been blogging from work but it was habit and habits die hard and generally i could type up a post pretty quick (not so much these days). i can't even imagine blogging at work now. weird how things change.

i've had people come and go, a few i feel like are friends as i've been reading there blogs from my beginnings (WC & McBlogger), other's have faded like dust in the wind. i never had/have many comments and for awhile that hurt a little but now i realize i write for me. it's venting for my soul, if someone comments great, if not, no worries. sure i'd love to have 30 comments like beth, or swishy but i don't have the time to write everyday and leave comments on other pps sites (ahem, lazy). and sometimes i just like my little corner just fine with the few pps that do comment, i look forward to their responses. nough said.

i've wanted to just leave this blog several times and call it a day, but, somehow i always come back and think of something else to write about, or i think i can't let it go, it's a part of me. like that old journal that i can't throw away even though it's ratty and torn. someday i can look back (and i often do) and re-read my posts and see where i was in my life 2, 3, 4 years ago.


i'm still here

Sunday, January 13, 2008

omg the PAIN!

so, as some of you may or not know i'm on a mission to lose 15 pounds. I'm miss Jilly's bridesmaid in her May wedding in the Dominican Republic and dammit I want no I need to be in shape (better yet HOT) and not feel ashamed to wear my bathing suit like my last trip away. the whole time I was self conscious and paranoid even though there were 100's of women bigger than me walking around with less clothes on.

some days i do good other days not so good...

but yesterday I was a good girl, i walked the dogs (about 40 minutes) ate somewhat decent (better than my binge the other day) and then miss jilly calls me. turns out she just bought a new DVD workout from the trainers from the Biggest Loser. somehow or another I end up doing this tape with her.

and well

at 1st I was ok, i mean bob is hot, and I like how they have "real people" (previous contestants from the Biggest Loser), who quite frankly are as red in the face as I am and also sweating like the pigs that I guess we are. after the warm up and 20 minutes with bob, i'm really hurting (jilly is too) and we both veto to skip a portion and only do another 10 minutes. this time though we have Jillian (whom i so want to look like, this girl is a lean mean fighting machine) and oh my god she is not bob. in fact she's harder than bob and those 10 minutes felt like 30. the whole time miss jilly and I were calling her names and I think that is the only way we got thru (including a few momentary pauses...)

i have no idea how we finished that tape and i'm somewhat grateful i didn't pass out. i felt like a weak depleted flower afterwords for well over an hour. and now almost 24 hrs later i can hardly move. i'm walking like a very old crippled person. and somehow the hubs bribed me and hauled my ass out for yet another walk today!

my ribs hurt
my ass hurtz
my legs are on fire
pretty much my whole body is in pain
i mean lame?
i dunno but it sucks

but i'll tell you one thing i i some day look like Jillian the trainer from hell it would so be worth it. and maybe now i'll think twice before eating a cookie or my usual inevitable trip to McDonald's (I can proudly say I haven't been there in a couple of weeks), because if i'm this much out of shape at 27 I can just imagine it gets even harder as I get older.

now if i can just do this 5-6 days a week....

oh boy i need prayers!! or better yet a massage...a full body massage

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Have you Ever...

looked at one of your parents (no, not you mom, ahem sorry dad) and realized that they and you (i mean me) are getting old. and that makes me really sad to see him with grayer hair, deeper lines on his face and hands and it really made me feel vulnerable and scared to death that some day i'm going to lose him and that i can't stop it or prevent it no matter how hard i don't want to face it. can you say denial? yes he's my best friend which i may talk about in another post

ate until your stomach hurts so badly but you are still craving that "crunchy, salty, chewy, chocolaty", something or other and i had to have the hubs take it away so i could stop. so sad, yet so true. i find it so weird that i crave things during my "mid-cycle" of my pills, not the week of or before my period but in the "middle". weird. course i'm weird, so there u go....

caught yourself just staring and staring at nothing really, and just letting your mind wander and a few minutes later you think to yourself "whoa, that was weird"?

had a sex dream that involved a partner that a)wasn't my husband and b)wasn't male....? like what's that mean, am i gay? i don't thing it means anything but waking up after that was freakin weird

held a grudge against someone, just cuz they are dating someone that you may have at one time sort of had a crush on even though you are married and what not....just hypothetically speaking of course...but man i freakin want to punch her and him too...ummm hypothetically of course...hahaha ok moving on

pooped in your pants, not including when you were a kid or mabye not quite a kid anymore. like accidently let a fart slip out and you shit yourself....just wondering....

noticed how everyone always seems to pick their nose when they are driving (god, i'm so guilty of this too), like for some reason you think people can't see you and that it's "safe" in your car

Monday, January 07, 2008

dodged a bullet to the head

the last few days have been well interesting....

1st I discover that I am being "laid off" (only for a couple of months, but, whatev, it's laid off) from yet another job (making that the 4th time i have left/been "laid off" god I hate that word from a job)

then I discover that pretty much everyone, well ok not everyone but most pps, in the office aren't happy and have been thinking about leaving, including the lady that trained me. who was disgusted and very upset that they would "lay me off" and told me not to worry as she may leave instead as she had another offer.

hmm interesting I think

but I didn't get my hopes up

instead, i dive head 1st into deep black despair and panic. needless to say last thrusday was not a good one. and my drive to work on my last official day was not pleasant. in fact I didn't want to go.


positive yet sad news. she's leaving and i'm staying

so therefore i've dodged a pretty big bullet

thank god i don't have to file for EI yet AGAIN!
thank god we wont starve
thank god I don't have to look for another job ASAP
thank god I can still keep my hair appointment in 2 weeks as i'm in desperate need of highlights
thank god we can keep our house
thank godwe don't have to sell the animals
thank god we don't have to move out west and sell our souls to the devil

there is a god and he loves me!!!!


one would think that I would still be happy and rejoicing.

sadly, nope

back to being overweight, poor, depressed, angry, bitter

yadda yadda yadda