Thursday, November 05, 2009


*WARNING* major pregnancy rant ahead, you may want to skip this post. remember you have been warned

18 days ppl

or less depending on if I "go early" or not which every single person I know seems to think that I will. so then of course I get excited and think ok today is the day, and then, nothing. this does not include the tips that people just have to tell you to "bring on labour".

like for example having lot's of sex (which the hubs is ALL over, cuz frankly he hasn't gotten much through this pregnancy) but honestly there is nothing more un-appealing or sexy about getting nekid when you are 9 months pregnant and feeling like a whale but heck i'm willing to try just about anything at this point to get this over with. and well, let's just say so far this hasn't worked yet either

then there's the good old faithful of tweaking of ones nipples, or take a drive over a bumpy road. I haven't become desperate enough (at this point) to try either of these i'm still recuperating from the traumatic sex experiences mentioned above.

when I do leave my house (which is not often) I am constantly asked, "how much longer" or "must be any day now dear" which is all well and good and nice of people to ask or care, but frankly I just want to rip there faces off

in fact I want to rip a lot of people's faces off

irritable and cranky doesn't even come close to the rage I have been feeling lately

nobody is safe

then on top of that I discover that my now sausage like legs have become stretch mark heaven, they have become my very own road map. I discovered this yesterday and had a good cry. the hubs didn't even ask as he knows better by now to just keep his mouth shut. but really, why on my legs? why! I can handle the ones on my belly at least they can be covered but the ones on my legs.....sigh i'm ruined!!!!

this old girl ain't what she used to be

I also have to deal daily with the babies feet or bum sticking waaaayyy out of my belly leaving me wondering if it will poke right through the skin as the skin does not look like it can stretch any more, but it always does. it's the weirdest, grossest yet coolest thing ever

and then there are my feet

yes, I know I've complained about them before but guess what they still are hurting like a mofo, and the swelling!! UGH! they puff all up and do not look like they belong to me at all, in fact they seem so far away at times I think that they aren't mine

another thing that I've just noticed within the past couple of weeks is that it is now even difficult to wipe my own ass

and gassy

holy hell I thought that was just something funny they made up for movies

I hadn't really had much of an issue with gas until a few weeks ago (then again most of my pregnancy up until a few weeks ago was a piece of cake!) now I could be a methane gas producer, it's that bad

and the heartburn. OMFG the heartburn/indigestion is killing me!

i keep trying to tell myself it's almost over, only a little bit left but it isn't working

fun times

fun times


Bina said...

Since I've had four rounds of the pregnancy stuff I feel for ya. But honestly, the only thing you mentioned that I had problems with was the swelling. You couldn't even tell I had ankles by the time I went into Labor. And then by the time I left the hospital after I had him, I had lost 28 pounds. That's 28 pounds in four days, just due to swelling.

I hope it goes very quickly for you and you'll have that baby in your arms in no time.

Other than that? Sorry I can't help!

flea said...

bina - I hope to god that it goes quickly too, but i'm not holding my breath. and I think that's what the main problem is with me is that nobody can truly help me, but myself and that sucks BALLS!

Mo said...

I've heard castor oil and spicy food works for bringing on labor as well. My mom told me the night I was born she had done 50 crunches (well, at least she crunched as much as she could with a big ole pregnancy belly). I'm almost certain that a man made up the whole "have sex to bring on labor!". It's the only chance he might have to actually get some cause you SO KNOW it ain't happening for a long after after the baby gets there.

flea said...

mo - lmfao I so needed that laugh, and you are probably right, it probably was a man that came up with that idea! and while I am uncomfortable i'm not that desperate (yet) to try spicy foods (which I don't like) or castor oil, I think my mother would disown me if I tried castor oil, that and I really don't want to have to deal with shit cramps on top of everything else....

Swishy said...

I am SURE a man thought that up! HA!

OK, but awwww, your legs?!? I thought it was just the belly! That baby better appreciate her mama! Hang in there :)

Wandering Coyote said...

I had a reflexologist who told me there are pressure points in the feet that can bring on labour if triggered. Just a thought.

Oh, how I am loving your pregnancy tales. I am totally living vicariously through you and I want you to know that all your suffering has not been in vain! I now want to experience pregnancy for myself!! You have changed my life, Flea!!!

flea said...

swishy - I know! I thought it was just the belly too, never, EVER would've thought of my poor legs. then again they have also expanded quite rapidly the past few weeks so i guess it's bound to happen

WC - omg are you crazy!! hahaha kidding, it is pretty amazing really. i never could ever imagine myself pregnant and now here I am 9 months in and only a little left to go. to know there is a life in there and that I helped create it and have carried it...mind boggling and I CANNOT wait to meet her to see what she looks like, how she will's changed me too in ways I never thought possible

oh and i will def. check into the foot massage thing, that I can handle

Jenni said...

Keep telling yourself it'll be worth it in the end.

Me? I'm considering adoption. ;)

Beth said...

oh sweetie! keep doing the sex, even if you don't want always helped me! or castor oil, that wokred BIG TIME.

as fas as everything else...ya it all sucks. but soon enough, that baby will be here, you can get out and start walking and doing things again, and the weight will come off eventually. don't be in such a hurry, but it just might surprise you how fast it comes off, esp. with your first.

hugs to you and I hope labor goes quick!!!