Friday, July 03, 2009

i should've stayed in bed...

you know how some days you wake up and know that you should lay in bed ALL day and just chill?

our weather here in my neck of the woods has been pure shit rain for the last 3 weeks and it won't be letting up anytime soon, so this morning was just like any other morning it was raining and better yet starting to thunder quite badly in the distance and I of course am awake at 5:00 am and cannot get back to sleep (suffering from insomnia lately which is a whole other post), i'm laying there my body is aching (esp. my bum knee prob from all this GD rain) and work calls, which they never do and I think well I might as well get up and do something and better yet make some $$

worst idea of my life ever

1st of all I couldn't shower cuz it is thundering like a mofo, which isn't too bad but it would have at least woken me up, I mean sure it's been a few days but I don't smell (at least I don't think I do....) and who the hell do I have to impress anyways....?? so off I go

I drag my sorry ass ALL day long, cannot seem to shake being sleepy and tired and frankly the bags under my eyes are probably harvesting little creatures they are that deep. seriously

oh, I forgot to mention that my dog Zoey is terrified of thunder and lightning and she so did not want me to leave which I felt terribly guilty about doing and also knowing, knowing in the back of my mind that I would arrive home to a mess on the floor (aka pee or poop which I would have to clean up cuz the hubs is a wuss). so one dog was out to do his business and the other wasn't. just had to get that in here...

ok 2nd mistake was eating 2, yes 2 (I was hungry) hot dogs from the evil cafeteria @ the hospital. at the time they were so good, and yummy. not so much later

so I finally finish work, exhausted beyond words I was supposed to get groceries after work but the thought of doing that made me want to weep, so I scratched that off my to do list and proceeded right to going and eating greasy french fries & deep fried chicken (mistake #3), while eating my supper/lunch I encounter the first bowel spasm. not good. not sure if I haven't talked about it before but I hate to go to public washrooms unless I really, really have to, especially if it's #2 so I brush it off knowing i'm heading straight home and finish my meal as quickly as possible. I should note that I live about 25 min away. this was the most excruciating drive of my life ever. I don't know how I didn't shit myself, i don't know how I managed to drive with severe bowel spasms rocking my body every 5 minutes. at one point I was almost ready to pull over and just go on the side of the road. the whole time i'm thinking just pull over and go but I just can't. I finally make it home run inside literally doubled over and just make it to the bathroom noting on my way inside that yes the dog did indeed piss on the floor in fact I have the river Nile in my hallway but I DON'T CARE

i'll spare the details but will use this one word EXPLOSIVE

that's all you need to know

well that and I managed to plug the toilet

I let the dogs outside (finally) poor things i'm such a terrible bad mother (this kid really doesn't have a hope in hell), go to the 2nd bathroom (avoiding the pee which is everywhere) and go to the bathroom AGAIN. change out of work clothes and proceed to bathroom #1 with the plugged toilet to un-plug it, which frankly I have no clue how to do "properly" and thus ended up splashing my own poo poo onto myself.

argh

finish unplugging the toilet and change into yet another pair of pants avoiding the pee yet again

as I was leaving my room for oh now the 3rd time I thought I had avoided the pee but I guess I didn't cuz the next thing I know I am on the floor right dab in the middle of the freakin puddle on my ass

told ya I should've stayed in bed didn't I

I changed yet again and somehow managed to clean up the remainder of the pee that I didn't land in without throwing up (it was close, holy hell it stank) I think the only reason I didn't puke was that would be yet another mess to clean and I was having no more of that....

honestly, I think I was more traumatized from slipping and falling in the pee more than anything but as the cramps continued on and on and on I than began to worry about my little flea inside of me. thankfully i'm fine today (now a day later), baby is fine but the next time I have the feeling to stay in bed all day I think that's exactly what I'll do

3 comments:

Swishy said...

OH MY GOSH!!!! WORST DAY EVER!!!

If it makes you feel any better, you wrote it sooo funny though, I totally laughed :)

flea said...

swishy - well I thought why not laugh at myself, honestly I cannot remember ever having a day like that at least for a long time

mcBlogger said...

that is a horrible day. I can't believe you drove for 25 minutes AFTER you knew you had to go. I nearly died on a run the other day and had to use the bathroom at a local nearby hotel. It was explosive. There was no way I was making it home first. It HURTS! I"m glad your day is over, hopefully not to be repeated. We are getting some beautiful sunshine now to make up for all that friggin rain which was making NB near to rain forest state.