you just know that this is so going to be a major bitch rant, cuz the word bills is in the title, so hold onto your hats as i've had this one pent in for awhile............
i hate, hate this time of year, not only is hubby laid off from work for the entire winter (thus meaning we pull in half the income) but dare i say it, Christmas is only gasp, 3 months away. and despite the fact that we have been living together for five years, we never seem to prepare for the hard financial struggle that we battle all winter long. in fact, in the last month i have been on a major spending spree. even though i knew, in the back of my mind come a month from now i would be hurtin, but did i care. no. god i'm stupid sometimes.
and on top of that
were like $16,000 in debt to our lines of credits
from what? god only knows, it all started when we built our house and well it's grown quite a lot since then.
rack up a visa bill, pff pay it off with our line of credit, that has been our motto for the past 2 years, and well frankly i'm sick of it. not only do we struggle to make a monthly payment on the GD things, but they ding us at least a total of $100 (between the 2, we each have one, which is somehow worse), just for fucking interest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and everytime i realize how much we have to pay back, i feel this wall closing in on me and it's just too much, panic sets in, and honestly it almost makes me sick and i vow to stop spending and well that only usually lasts for a week and then were right back into the swing of things.
and did i also mention we also have a gorgeous house that we kinda sorta got when we shouldn't have cuz the mtg. is well, i won't go there
and i should note to you all that i'm just a wee bit spoiled and thus i think this is where the problem results from. i want the best of the best and expect nothing less. and not only that but i seem to have expensive taste. like for example a fellow employee recently brought in one of those home and gift catalogues and is also having a party which i'm going to and soooo shouldn't be, but anyways, anything i look at or like even just a little is like the most expensive thing on the page. same thing goes with furniture or clothes even. doesn't matter if i like it it's expensive. perhaps i have way to high of a standard, and i can't expect to have everything right away, were just starting out, this is our 2nd year in our home and i still don't have curtains for godsakes and most of our furniture is 2nd hand, and so we've only painted 3 rooms in our house. so what. why is everything so materialistic?! who cares if you drive a piece of shit car or not? well ok i sort of do care, but why should i? as long as i have a roof over my head and food to eat then what else really matters besides a kick ass pair of shoes, and a killer wardrobe........ok, ok, i am kidding (sort of).
we in north america take so much for granted,
and i totally just lost my train of thought on that one.......
ok i'm so done on that one