Saturday, October 11, 2008


familar territory for me lately, i'm slipping down a slippery slope and can't seem to grasp my footing, or onto the ever elusive branch to save me from falling

i've been avoiding a lot lately, one has been blogging here, which is bad, as this is where i usually come to rant and get it all out. lately i've been penting it all in

i don't even know where it started or how it all began and i don't even know what to write here

i'm slipping

it could be the fact that i own 2 houses (who the hell has 2 houses?)

it could be the fact that I have people lined up to buy house #2 but we can't seem to work things out with the bank to process this (loooong story)

it could be the fact that I am unhappy at my job and do not make the money that I deserve or should

it could be the fact that we are in major debt (ties in with lines 1 and 2) and the economy is going all to hell

it could be the fact that my husband works away all week and is only home on the weekend and I feel like our relationship is straining and going in the wrong direction

it could be the fact that I feel terribly alone most of the time and so very helpless

it could be that i'm finally admitting to a lot of these things that i've been avoiding for months that it's all hitting me just now like a hard blow to the gut

i just want it all to go away

i hate this panicky feeling

i hate the fact that I worry so much about things I have no control over

or how the littlest things lately set me off

i feel and fear that my mind is slipping and i'm going crazy

and i don't know how to fix it


Wandering Coyote said...

I am so sorry to hear this, Flea. I have been in this position a lot, and from my experience, at this stage, it's really important to get as much support as possible around you. Talk, talk, talk. You need to get out what's pent up inside before you burst. An action plan is also a good idea. Don't let all of this go on too long, or your issues will be harder to resolve. And they ARE resolvable, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Take good care!

flea said...

wc - thanks, you know I felt so much better just getting it all out here, and I have been talking to my family, if I didn't have them I would be lost, they are my rock...i'm just going to try and take it one day at a time, cuz if i think to far ahead it sets me in full blown panic mode