Friday, February 29, 2008

look out, cuz here it comes..

major bitch rant ahead

you know what i really hate, is when people don't clean there cars off properly after a snow storm. like how freaking lazy do you have to be. i mean i'm lazy, but i clean my damn car off cuz i know that at some point there will be people behind me, suffering from my laziness


i also hate, pot holes, and every 5 feet i'm hitting one (or two), and my old beat up car can't take much more, it's bad enough that I have no shocks in my car (i'm to broke/cheap to fix them) but not i think i have whiplash from hitting all of these "holes", and some of them are bottom less pits, fer real.


oh, and that's another thing, I have been swearing like a mofo lately

like what the hell? normally i only swear a little but lately it's even coming to a front at work, which hardly every happens. i try my best to maintain the general 1st impression that people have of me, which is that i'm quiet, sweet, friendly, innocent. haha man if they only knew and today, well some of them saw/caught glimpse of the "dark" side. like for instance today i'm insanely busy, running around like the gopher that I am (and that's so what admin staff are, and i hate, hate it, sigh) and i'm re-loading our damn printer yet again (that's another thing, can nobody else open the tray and put in paper? geesh), and somehow i ram my thumb down in on something sharp driving it up under my nail. hurt like a sonofabitch. so i said the f-word. oh fuck it i said fuck. there. much better. and fellow co-worker was like dude, did you just say what i think you said. umm yeah buddy i did. he must've known from my look to not say another word as i was literally shooting him daggers. my poor thumb still hurts too.

and sadly this is the tip of the ice burg

i have way to much on my mind lately

money woes
un-satisified at work (ok, not all the time, but generally speaking most days not happy)

and the absolute worst is my ailing grandmother. i can't even put into words what kind of stress this has put us all in (esp. my mom and aunt, who are both nurses and there sibilings seem to place everything on them). we've known for awhile that we've needed to do something (i.e. nursing home) but nobody wants to face or deal with this and sadly i think we are the point of no turning back. the last week she's had constant care/supervision as she's so unstable/weak, she's fallen a couple of times and at one point wasn't making coherant sentances. docs say that she think she may have suffered a stroke, or be in the early stages of alzheimer's. as of right now she has been admitted to the hopsital in hopes that she can gain some strength back.

i'm finding it very difficult to be positive on this. while i remain hopeful that she will come out of this, i can't help but have this dark cloud of doubt or gut feeling that something (i.e. death) is around the corner. perhaps i'm being dramatic, or mabye even trying to somewhat prepare myself should something happen, i dunno, i just can't shake this queezy feeling though.

oh, and i'm lacking in the sleep department, yet again

for example last weekend all i wanted more than anything was to sleep and sleep and sleep some more. woke up in the a.m. could not go back to sleep for the life of me. and i'm so tired

oh, and we have yet another, freakin A1 of a snowstorm coming tomorrow afternoon. i need to take some pics of our yard (i.e. snowbanks) so ya'll can see how much freakin snow we have. its just plain sickening.

bloody GD snow, how i loathe thee


i'm going to bed and pulling up the covers and not coming out


Eileen said...

I am so sorry about your Grandmother, ((HUG)). I loved my Grandmother so much, and she started to get just like you Grandmother, it was very, very stressful for me. I hope you get some answers from the doctors on what is going on and that your family gets some support/help with her care. It is so HARD!!!

Glad you had the chance to vent, you should do it more often. Not good to keep it inside. I try to be "nice" and I end up with headaches and stomach aches. Sounds like you are dealing with a ton of shit right now, and you need to have a major take care of me day. Seriously, can you get away from it all, or go out with friends, or anything to have fun/laughs or some pampering? I hope you had the weekend off, where you could catch up on your rest and have some me time.

Anytime you need to "talk" let me know! Take care and be gentle with yourself.


Just telling it like it is said...

I have to admit that I am a procrastinator...My car is a mess...I mean well but somehow it just never works out....I admit I am a Loser when it comes to certain things...What's na girl to do???

flea said...

eileen - aww thanks, that almost made me cry (and i'm at work, not cool), sadly my weekend wasn't much better and i'm not getting into it here, so i didn't get any sleep or relax, but i did do some major cleaning as i cleaned out several closets and got rid of a lot of crap. you know your life is pathetic when cleaning helps de-stress you...sigh

just telling it - haha, oh don't get me wrong i too procratinate, just with other things :P

Mo said...

I'm really sorry about your grandmother, sweety. I'm really close with my own and I can't imagine being without her. I'll be thinking of you and I hope things start to turn around.

flea said...

mo- thanks, yeah i'm pretty close to my gram too and it's hard because i've already lost one gram and she's all i have's very difficult to see her the way she is (I visited last night with her at the hosp.), I see a slight improvement though so hopefully she'll continue to get stronger and better

Beth said...

aww honey...hugs out to you!!! that stinks about grandma...and your job....and snow...and everything else that is pissing you off!!!

you need a girls day out!!

flea said...

beth - YES! i so do, sadly, i'm flat broke and this week is pay week and i'll still be poor, so girls nite out is not imminent but i can see one in the next 4 weeks or so as it's desperately needed