a whole new world

so I have found a job, well sort of

i'm becoming a casual employee at our local hospital, which is an on-call basis, they can't guarantee me hours and it's shift work, so my plan is to still file for my EI (which I probably won't get before Christmas, here's to hoping that i do..) and have the EI as backup in case I don't get a lot of hours, but my feeling or take from the guy that interviewed me it sounds like that won't be an issue

now as to what i'll be doing i'm not so keen on that, i'll be doing housekeeping, aka Janitorial work, which for me i've never done, it's hard honest work and while I don't have an issue doing the work i'm just concerned as to how i'm going to adapt. coming from all office experience and sitting at a desk for the past oh seven years it's going to be a challenge. and my family didn't nickname me flea if it didn't fit, i'm small, puny (or I was then, i've since gained a few pounds) and weak. honestly, i'm a lazy ass, no two ways about it.

but

i think I need this change. I just want to go work hard and come home and not have to stress about work stuff, and the pay is better than what I would be making should I go the whole office route again and the bigger AND is that it opens a lot of doors, once in as a casual I can apply for any openings available whether it be administration or another department to become full time. which is HUGE, this will open a BIG door (or I hope).

so it's a whole new world

i'm scared but I think it will be a good thing

i'm also sad as tomorrow will be my last day at my current (now old) job, which is so weird but yet i'm happy to finally have it all over and done with.

time to move on

i robot

i feel like a robot

i'm just going through all the motions of life but I feel empty and numb

here is what my day consists of:

drag by butt ouf of bed (literally)
go to work in an empty office and process refunds all day
drive home
cook super for 1 (hubs is still working away all week)
play with dogs
get fire going
watch mindless t.v
maybe work on baby quilt for brother in law & wife's new son for x-mas (not likely)
go to bed around 11 wake up every morning around 2:30 -3 and then toss and turn until time to get up and do it all over again

sigh

i'm tired, achey and i know i'm depressed, i just can't seem to pick myself up or think of anything positive

no luck on the job front/hunt either

look like i'll be filing for EI which may take up to six weeks to get 1st payment

not good

esp when the hubs will be filing after next week also

needless to say that we will not be doing Christmas this year

fun times in the Maritimes

beat of my heart

so i deleted my post about taking a break, who am i kidding i can't take a break from here, sure I can go a few weeks without posting but to leave that post on here was just sort of eating away at me, so it's gone and i'm moving on

my mental state of mind still isn't anywhere near 100% but i'm doing ok

i had a mini meltdown last week which I think helped a lot

still don't have another job lined up and only have 1 more week of work left before the whole business is closed for good. i'm still coming to terms with all of this and almost feel like i've had a death in the family as i'm truly going to miss my fellow co-workers and hurt for them as they are also going to be un-employed like me in a tough economy right now and hardly any jobs available in our area. it's just truly heartbreaking

but i am coming to terms with it all, being here with only 1 other admin and seeing the furniture being taken away, all the pictures off the walls it's just so empty, quiet but it's closure

which is something

as i sit here looking out my office window I can see the town crew getting ready for our annual yearly Victorian Christmas (at this point I don't even want to think of Christmas) and midnight madness which I feel they put on waaaay to early but that is a topic for another day

peace out