emotional baggage

for some reason the last few days i'm extremely emotional (well honestly mostly tonight after watching undercover boss and bawling my eyes out about the story of the mom who lost her 9 year old daughter in a car accident) I mean like I just can't imagine how awful that would be if I was to lose my little miss, I just would die

it could be several things really. the on set of fall usually triggers me into a downward spiral of depression, the days get shorter, you wake up in the dark and its dark after supper time (what can be more depressing than that), the weather gets cooler and then finally bitterly cold, I could go on but frankly that is really starting to depress me and I'm not quite there (yet)

it could also be how much has changed in just the past year. this time last year I was restlessly awaiting the arrival of my baby, bored out of my mind as I was put off work. I would read, watch t.v. surf the net endlessly and sleep (god how I miss those naps) and now she's ten (yes 10) months old almost a year (already!) and I know i've gone on and on before but its just so amazing (i'll leave it at that)

but mostly its probably the knowing in the back of my mind that in the next month I'll have to get back to work and then in January (possibly) back to school. I've become pretty accustomed to being at home which is weird as I never thought that I would be that way. I was always work, work work and thought I would want to jump right back in after having a baby. well, don't ever assume to know anything, if we were well off financially I would never go back. but like most families today, that's just not feasible. sure some days it can really get to you and you really think you are going to lose your shit but you manage and somehow i've adapted and I don't want it to change

but it has too

that's just life

i'm rambling and probably not making any sense but somehow typing it out makes me face it and perhaps maybe come to terms with it

enough of that crap

so we did go on our little adventure to see my sissy in Kingston it was so nice to see her and spend time with her (even though it was exhausting) it was nice to get away but even nicer to come back home. their is honestly no place like home. Lily did very well overall on the plane and only had one minor (teeny tiny) melt down in Toronto coming back home as we were delayed. so I fretted and worried over nothing

and that's a wrap - need to go to bed