a year ago today...

I was laying in a hospital bed awaiting your arrival. nervous, scared, excited and hopeful. I just wanted to see you and to hold you. and at 3:30 am (roughly) you came out into the world screaming and you were the best thing that I have ever laid my eyes on (all red and covered in goo you were perfect). how awkward that first attempt at breast feeding was, the sleepless nights, worrying if you were to cold, to hot, not breathing..and just coming to terms with it all

I cannot believe it has been a year already

i'm quite weepy about this really

its going too fast, my baby isn't really a "baby" any more. well not a helpless little baby anyways, she'll always be my baby in my heart

Happy 1st Birthday baby girl

guilty pleasures

while I should be more focused on many things (like getting ready for school in January, Christmas shopping, finances, etc, etc) I tend to get distracted by little things and while most of my day is spent entertaining a 11 1/2 month old or watching cartoons a girl does need her me time and these are a few of mine

T.V shows:

#1 Dexter - god I love this show and cannot stop watching and wish it wasn't on only once a week. have even resorted to watching it online now so I can see season 5 which has special guest star Julia Stiles! whom I also like from way back when she was in 10 things I hate about you (love that movie)

#2 Vampire Diaries - two words people Ian Somerhalder!!!! freakin hot and he steals the show

#3 Glee - sometimes this show is a bit too much for me so I tune in and out of the vocals but it usually makes me smile, cry and laugh out loud within one episode

#4 Raising Hope - this show has caught me by surprise and only happend on it by chance (its on right after Glee) and let me tell you it is hilarous!! pee your pants funny

#5 The Walking Dead - happend on this by chance as well, read about it online and had to watch it and now i'm hooked. again watching online. think I may start watching most shows this way as I can watch after little one is to bed and its just more convenient or seems to be

Music

#1 Pink - Raise your glasses - great anthem, party song, makes me happy and catchy as hell

#2 Katy Perry - Firework - wow, two songs in a row from Katy Perry that I love (also heart teenage dream still), great message in this song and very moving

#3 Shawn Desman - A night like this - I was going to youtube the vid to here but changed my mind, great dance sequence, catchy, makes me feel like a young school girl again (haha)

#4 Rhianna - only girl in the world - i've had mixed reviews from other people on this one but I have loved it since the first time I heard it and usually pick lily up and dance around with her too it (she loves it too), catchy as hell and cannot get it out of my head once it is there

#5 Enrique Ingelsis ft Nicole was her name from the PCD - heart beat - love the piano in this one and the music vid is pretty cool until they get into the hallway of mirrors. great song

and that's that

in other news i'm a bit down this dreaded 10th day of November due to it being the anniversary of a good friends death. hate this day. cannot believe its been 9 years. sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago (cuz it was) and other times just like yesterday. I can't help but wonder where she would be today, what she would be doing, would we even still be friends? all the what ifs. guess you can't live like that but sometimes you just can't help but wonder....

I miss her

uck

its November and I can cry if I want too....

ok well i'm not really crying but frig I hate november. so dark, gloomy, rainy and depressing and cold!

boo on you november

and man October was a long month but did it ever just fly by, like blink and it was over....

20 days pps until baby girls birthday! I can't believe it, very surreal to think that 2 years ago she wasn't even a thought in my mind, then a year ago I was not so patiently awaiting her arrival and now she's babbling, teething and standing (with help) and even a few steps!

i'm so going to hate leaving her and changing up my (our) routine but as it is fastly approaching i'm almost sort of glad to be getting back out and about and back to work (very faintly), more on the social level of things I think. actually talking to other people would be nice!

trying to start weaning little one off the boob, some days are better than others and the days where I do cut corner the next day she just wants it a lot. not sure the teething of some new teeth is helping either as its a comfort thing...i'm sad about this as well. who knew that I would enjoy breastfeeding so much? weird. always thought that I would hate it beforehand and its been the best thing for both me and her. sure the first few months were hell but I think I had a bit of PPD going on too on top of the exhaustion and for a bit you feel that's ALL you do but I can't imagine measuring out or preparing formula (I wouldn't even know how to do it, never done it) and i'm glad I don't have to as I suck at math and calculations, measuring and with the lack of sleep my brain isn't at full capacity so in a nutshell I (personally) was much better off. and never had latch problems and lily is a trooper

how did I get talking about boobs and breastfeeding....

honestly

i'm sure you all care about that now don't you!

and i'm rambling, time to call it in
over and out :P