Sunday, July 17, 2005

Fare thee well Mr. Jynks

my baby kitty cat jynky has passed into another life and my heart is breaking. i'm so angry at myself as i knew the inevitible would happen and as fate would have it, it has.

last night a car hit my baby and left him at the end of our driveway. i should be greatful that he at least was un-marked and looked like himself but i just can't get over the fact that he's gone. i miss him terribly.

i miss his bushey little tail swishing when he walked, i miss the way that he would meow and talk to me, i miss the way that we would cuddle and snuggle in bed and how he loved me to rub his little white feet.

it's so weird because yesterday he was in pretty much all day and we had such a good "bonding" day. he rarely would snuggle with me lately as he was always outside and yet yesterday he did. i just wish that i could go back and not let him out. i can't belive i'm this up set just over a frickin cat but he was my cat, my baby and he would have been two in another month and i can't belive how badly this hurts. i can't stop crying and yet i'm so godamn angry at the same time.

i'm angry at jynky for not knowing better to get off the damn road, i'm angry at the person that hit him, i'm angry at hubby for letting him outside in the first place, i'm angry that it couldn't have been my other cat (as awful as it is to say, but it's true). i'm hoping that it will help to get all of this out cause i'm really not handling the whole greiving thing very well. everywhere i look i see him or want to see him sooo badly. and my other cat i think realizes that something is amiss and he's constantly howling looking for jynky.

i want to vomit,

i want to punch something,

i want to curl up in a ball and cry,

i want to laugh at the pure stupidity of all of this,

but most of all i want my baby kitty back

rest in peace jynky, mommy loves you

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