Wednesday, June 07, 2006

no more monkeys jumpin on the bed

you know i would really like to have a pet monkey not the fugly ones but the cute ones like what Ross had on friends or one that looked like curious george. you could teach them tricks and better yet teach them to do mundane things that you don't want to like pick up stuff that you don't want to bend over and pick up or better yet teach it to fetch you beer and snacks from the kitchen when you are say in the middle of a good show or movie....yeah wouldn't that just be the greatest??

these last few weeks i have wanted nothing more than to run from my work place kicking and screaming and throwing a Grande Royle of all 2 year old temper tantrums. i am severally frustrated with my work or i should say frustrated at myself for putting myself in this situation, i should have been a good girl in high school got good grades, focused on my school work and really worked hard. but no. i hated school, hated studying and basically just fucked off my high school years and if i would've just smartened the heck up i could've graduated with scholarships went off to college and got a degree in something and graduated in 4 years and making good money right now. but no. instead i worked for a couple of years (in retail), went to community college to become an administrative assistant (heck anything was better than retail at this point) and now 5 years later here i sit (well not actually working at the moment but that's besides the point) making shit ass for money and i am SICK to death of this job! i've had enough of answering the fucking phone, i've had enough of doing people's crap that they are to damn lazy to do themselves. i've just had IT! so i tell my "supervisor" that i want more like months ago and they have given me more but now there is a possibility of new position opening up and come to find out there not so big on the idea of promoting me as i'm to "pleasant" and "friendly" with the customers! well fuck you! if they hire someone else above me i am going to be severally pissed, like beyond pissed and more importantly hurt as from day one when they first interviewed me i expressed that i did not, DID NOT want to stay at this level for ever and ever as i hate it and as each day goes on knowing this tid bit of information which i'm still not 100% sure on you nobody has said anything fer sure but you know how you just get those feelings sometimes, well yeah i have this feeling that they are going to screw me over. so just to prove a point i am now being rude to i'm not really well mabye not quite as friendly as i would normally be.

course i've been a little on edge lately anyways, and mabye a tad bit paranoid

~sigh ~

so i finally had to break down and ask my dr. to put me back on anxiety/panic disorder medication as i just have not been myself like the past month and it's funny how i knew my triggers were being set off but yet how i ignored them

so hopefully no more miss crabby pants (my husband has taken the brunt of my anger/anxiety/stressed out issues, poor bastard), no no more late nights of restless sleep, no more fretting/worrying about things i cannot control i'm hoping this drug just mellows me the hell out, i don't think i ever remember being this wound up and it's not just one thing it's like at least 5 things that are really wigging me out (the work thing being like one of the highest)

on the positive side of things i am taking not 1 but 2 vacation days next week to go on a major shopping trip to Kittery, Maine to hit up the outlet stores, despite the fact that none of us have any money to shop with were going anyways and i think it's just what i need to un-wind and de-stress

gotta luv the happy endorfens one gets while shopping :0 )


mcBlogger said...

bI'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, I hope you are feeling better uber soon.

Barry said...

Sometimes work sux. But hey! endorpines are endorpines...dont forget about chocolate!

Wandering Coyote said...

Thank God for the awesome dollar, eh?

Sorry your job is frustrating you to death. I am glad you've gone to your doctor for help - it's a good sign that you know what to do for yourself. It would be a good idea, to compliment the pills, to learn some coping strategies and stress management, because you'll only keep coming back to the same place. I know this from experience, trust me. You obviously know you're stuck, and there are ways out. Don't sell yourself short! You may not have had good grades in school, but that doesn't doom you to a crappy working life. You just need to find the right job and right career.

And, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but in all honesty, I think monkeys belong in the jungle.

Bridget Jones said...

Smart you, flea, going to the right people for the right help. We spend so much@#$%^ time at work it can make life damn miserable.

But there is a way out of this. Not instant but hey.

The solution I'm suggesting: Start going back to school part time at night. This will be a bit expensive and takes time but the benefits are so large for you:
(1) you will be doing something right away to address the problem, so every day you can think to yourself "not forever, you SOBs",
(2) you will have something concrete at the end of it (the piece of paper, I mean) that will benefit you for years to come wherever you go,
(3) you get to use your brains while taking the courses and that will affect your attitude which others at work will notice and help you in the meantime AND help you at home--less frustrated,
(4) you have a fair piece of control about what courses/degree you take (unlike work). Would suggest sociology because that seems to be where your head is but hey it's your call,
(5) the piece of paper is worth a LOT more money salary wise. And you are smart, Flea. That's an awesome combination. With the piece of paper--pretty much the sky's the limit.

There are more pluses but I can't think of them right now (too excited for you). How do I know this?

Someone who reported to me is doing the exact same things for similar reasons (smart, pretty, young). She was transferred to another group in the spring and is way underpaid because she doesn't have a degree. So she's doing something about it. Has three kids and a ranch to run, but is working this in in the meantime.

Go for it, flea. It is so worth it. YOU are so worth it.

Keeping my fingers, toes, eyes crossed for ya,


Bridget Jones said...

p.s. Flea, I was in this boat too in the months between finishing my courses and physically getting my degree.

Man the way people treated/exploited me. Can't believe the cruelty. SOBs. You should have seen their faces the day I told them that I was leaving and the job that I'd won.