you know i would really like to have a pet monkey not the fugly ones but the cute ones like what Ross had on friends or one that looked like curious george. you could teach them tricks and better yet teach them to do mundane things that you don't want to like pick up stuff that you don't want to bend over and pick up or better yet teach it to fetch you beer and snacks from the kitchen when you are say in the middle of a good show or movie....yeah wouldn't that just be the greatest??
these last few weeks i have wanted nothing more than to run from my work place kicking and screaming and throwing a Grande Royle of all 2 year old temper tantrums. i am severally frustrated with my work or i should say frustrated at myself for putting myself in this situation, i should have been a good girl in high school got good grades, focused on my school work and really worked hard. but no. i hated school, hated studying and basically just fucked off my high school years and if i would've just smartened the heck up i could've graduated with scholarships went off to college and got a degree in something and graduated in 4 years and making good money right now. but no. instead i worked for a couple of years (in retail), went to community college to become an administrative assistant (heck anything was better than retail at this point) and now 5 years later here i sit (well not actually working at the moment but that's besides the point) making shit ass for money and i am SICK to death of this job! i've had enough of answering the fucking phone, i've had enough of doing people's crap that they are to damn lazy to do themselves. i've just had IT! so i tell my "supervisor" that i want more like months ago and they have given me more but now there is a possibility of new position opening up and come to find out there not so big on the idea of promoting me as i'm to "pleasant" and "friendly" with the customers! well fuck you! if they hire someone else above me i am going to be severally pissed, like beyond pissed and more importantly hurt as from day one when they first interviewed me i expressed that i did not, DID NOT want to stay at this level for ever and ever as i hate it and as each day goes on knowing this tid bit of information which i'm still not 100% sure on you nobody has said anything fer sure but you know how you just get those feelings sometimes, well yeah i have this feeling that they are going to screw me over. so just to prove a point i am now being rude to everyone....no i'm not really well mabye not quite as friendly as i would normally be.
course i've been a little on edge lately anyways, and mabye a tad bit paranoid
so i finally had to break down and ask my dr. to put me back on anxiety/panic disorder medication as i just have not been myself like the past month and it's funny how i knew my triggers were being set off but yet how i ignored them
so hopefully no more miss crabby pants (my husband has taken the brunt of my anger/anxiety/stressed out issues, poor bastard), no no more late nights of restless sleep, no more fretting/worrying about things i cannot control i'm hoping this drug just mellows me the hell out, i don't think i ever remember being this wound up and it's not just one thing it's like at least 5 things that are really wigging me out (the work thing being like one of the highest)
on the positive side of things i am taking not 1 but 2 vacation days next week to go on a major shopping trip to Kittery, Maine to hit up the outlet stores, despite the fact that none of us have any money to shop with were going anyways and i think it's just what i need to un-wind and de-stress
gotta luv the happy endorfens one gets while shopping :0 )