so my life is a wee bit chaotic and anxiety filled lately, not sure why, oh wait i do know why it's all connected to work.
u see about 2 wks ago it was casually mentioned that "hey, we don't currently feel that your living up to your potential so were going to move you to the dungeon aka downstairs, to another department where we feel u are better suited", thus leaving me highly confused and a little excited as i initally from the start wished to be in this position where they are moving me too, but yet at the same time hurt. make sense? probably not, but over that week my emotions were/are in turmoil and after that 1st brief encounter nobody has said boo to me about anything, thus my anxiety runs full throttle and i've become parnoid and a bit resentful. so finally about a 1 1/2 later i can't stand it anymore and corner my supervisor and ask wtf is up. i wanted to cry, scream as all these emotions needed to come out. although he couldn't really provide me with any more info than what i already knew it did somewhat make me feel better, and i do get a somewhat piddly raise, but, i'll happily take what i can get as we are lacking in funds right now.....
so that about brings me to date, i am now back with the intial company i started out with, they have yet to decide if i am offically moving to the dungeon, although i think it's inevitible as i really can't see how i can be the only person working from upstairs when everyone else is down....but whatever, what the fuck do i know??! i'm still highly confused and to top all that off i'm somewhat sick to my stomache today, or perhaps it's nerves....or i have once again caught the GD flu, as everyone and their dog has been freaking sick lately.
and did i mention my freaking head hurts too!
change is a good thing right? then why does it feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me? and that my gut feeling is that they want to stick me back on the main front lines, the dreaded "receptionist" position? overall i feel like i've been given the run around and i am quite tempted to search for another job, yet, they are so hard to find and i hate to start the whole procedure over again. and they do treat me somewhat good here, sometimes...despite the shitty bonus and the crap they've put me thru the last 2 wks
what to do, what to do
i need a drink, that's what i need, or a good cry, mabye both........