Wednesday, November 09, 2005


where was i :

1 year ago (2004) - probably sitting at my gov't job dreading work that day & dreading working at my other part time job (picked up extra work due to the mill layoff's) at a retail store. the wurst that has happend to me thus far this year is the death of hubby's grandad & the layoff's of the mill. not knowing that in 2 wks my gram would be dead and everything just would be shitty. but at this moment in time a year ago i was probably pretty content with my life.

3 years ago (2002) - still in deep morning for lisa, working at a job that i hated and boss that i hated and he hated me. i wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die

4 years ago (2001) - driving to work at the job i despised (same lame ass employer that i was with a year later, why i stayed so long i'll never know....) in the rain. i here on the news that there has been a bad accident on the TCH (trans canada highway) thinking and hoping to myself that it wouldn't affect my drive. in the next couple of minutes i hit the line up of traffic (at this time the TCH was still only a double lane highway we wouldn't get a 4 lane until 2003/2004) and i try to call ahead to work to let them know i'll be late. shit nobody in yet. well oh well, screw them. in the next 20-30 minutes sitting in line only glimpsing cop cars every now and then i receive several phone calls. 1 from not then hubby wanting to be sure it wasn't me in the accident, 1 from mom & dad, i made a call to aunt sharol's to be sure it couldn't be her or jilly which it wasn't but something just "nagged" at me like i knew it was going to be someone i knew or knew of. so as i get closer and closer i can begin to see that indeed it was nasty and as i slowly drive by with the police man waving me on i catch a glimpse of a white car in a ditch and damn whoever was in that car is a goner......who do i know with a white car.....hmmm...then i see the front of the car and i know instantly that it's lisa's car and i'm instantly crying and freaking the f@#! out. omg. omg. omg. the next few days are a blur. i just remember being at the hospital waiting and praying, knowing that she wasn't going to come around or wake up. numb to everything and oblivious to other life around me.

6 years ago (1998) - fall of 98 wow that's been awhile ago fresh out of high school was i and i had no clue then like i do now what i wanted to do with my life. knew that i didn't want to go to school so that was out so i got a job working for my uncle working in his clothing store for that fall. don't really remember much but know that we were all starting to hang out around each other around this time

10 years ago (1994) - wow this is a stretch fer sure. all i really remember is this was the year or on coming year for my sister's graduation and i was in grade 9. i was jealous of her and the attention she would get for being in grade 12, the friends she had, how well she did in school...etc, etc it's a safe bet that i lived in her shadow because the year or two later i started to change becomming myself, wanting to go out, speak out, drink, party whatever just to do something anything different than her. i was part of a group of 6 girls (total including me) that thought we were like the girls in Clueless, we would dress like them, talk like them, act like them. we thought we were the cat's ass and we probably were as we were all very pretty each in our own way. we were hot as paris hilton would say. i remember going to Aldo's & Le Chateau to buy my clothes (i wouldn't step foot there now). i played basketball even though i hated it just cause my sister did (i would later quit in grade 11). i was so not atheletic or any good totally sucked ass.

12 years ago (1992) - this is as far as i will go but i had to put this here as this was the year of my most embarssing moment that i talked about in a previous blog a little while back. this was the year that i started my lovely period. yup i was now a women. yippee. not. in fact this was probably the last time i ever wore a pad. uck how i hate pads....anyways. anytime i would wear a pad, it either a) leaked and i had blood all over my pants, b) stuck to my ass and or private regions and i felt like i was wearing a diaper and c) smelled like dirty ole ass. yes those were the good ole days. and unlike now-a-days where i'm regulated like clock work i never knew or knew enough to keep track as to when i would have my monthly flux. so quite often like case in point i would start unexpectably and end up in a mess (quite literally) and want to die. this happend a lot this year.

ah the memories.....

~ i'm out ~


Aila said...

Your Blog made me smile and sad and laugh and cringe all at the same time. well done you...

Kleokatra said...

I can't believe you saw that accident!! How horrible. I feel so bad for you, no wonder you have such a hard time this time of year. I would too. I wish that there was something that I could say to help you erase all the pain. It sucks to loose people that you love, and sucks even more to see things of that nature. You are a very strong woman, and I am glad to have gotten to know you a bit. : )

Wandering Coyote said...

Really nice post.

I always find it interesting to go back and "rewind" once in a while, as you've done here. It's good to see how we grow and it's good to know that we can keep going no matter how embarassing the moment or how terrible the tragedy.

flea said...

thanks guys :)

it made me feel better to get it all out & to be able to post the memories here in case some day i forget. i can come here and reflect on it all the good and the bad