Wednesday, July 05, 2006

the exercise video

you know i just should've known better than to borrow an exercise video from a fellow co-worker who is big on health and fitness/exercise and i should've known better then to go home and put it in and actually "do" the exercises but no oh no i couldn't be that smart now could i

and i also couldn't be smart enough to acutally read the small print on the back of the box until after the said work out but that's irrelevant at this point

so i go home last night, feeling fat, bloated and all that jazz and i'm sitting there thinking to myself get off the couch and do something for the love of god when i just so happen to spy this video tape that i borrowed laying where i left it 2 weeks ago and i thought hmmm i should try this out. so i go and get changed into my work out gear which consists of spandex pants and my sports bra (so sexy!) and i'm getting pumped at the prospect of getting lean and mean by doing this pilates work out and visions of me in my new "fit" state prancing around in a bikini flash thru my head as i pop the video tape in and press play ~ and oh look at all these beautiful fit people i'll look just like them!

and then were really going at it, like full force umm where was the warm up? did i miss something?

lunges and sqauts and stretches, oh my!

and the main girl is really quite irritating and kept saying stuff like "if you want to kick it up a notch" and "keep going" and "four more", i really wanted to punch this bitch in the head. i'm panting and really starting to sweat when she's like it's time to move on to the "abs" so let's sit on the floor (oh thank god i really don't think i could do another squat) and i'm so greatful to just be on the floor and having no clue what i was in for next i was sort of giddy at the moment (must've been the happy endorfins kicking in)

i can't really explain what happend next besides the fact that they had me laying on the floor, with one leg stretched out in front of me about an inch off the floor and the other leg being held by the hamstring as close to my head as feesably possible (which wasn't that close) and then they started what they call the "scissor" where you rotate from leg to leg (without bending) and again as close to your head as possible. some of these girls were touching there legs to there head! imagine. well i wasn't, i did well to just get the damn leg halfway there and omg the burn, the BURN and the PAIN! i had to stop as i felt fer sure i was going to vomit and i was so sweaty i had stuck to my laminite flooring, i had to grab onto one of my german shepards to pull myself off the floor as i was spent and those stupid ass bitches are still going at it! i quickly grabbed the remote and turned that evil, EVIL specimen off.

so much for that

7 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You need an elliptical trainer. They don't coax you. They're low impact and they burn a bunch of calories in a short time.

flea said...

lbb - sweet! are u an elliptical sales rep in disguise perhaps?! ha ha just kidding but yeah that sounds like something i would like, thanks for the tip

Barry said...

So funny!! Evil, Evil training show!!!

flea said...

barry - ha ha yes she was truly an evil, evil person

Wandering Coyote said...

This was a hilarious, well-written post, flea, and I really needed a laugh this morning. You never disappoint!

flea said...

wc- i'm so glad, so glad that i made you laugh and i'm evern gladder (is that a word) that your back i've missed your comments on my site

good to see you out and about and keep up the progress sweetie i'm rooting for you

Bridget Jones said...

Oh I did that. Got really mad at myself and the video person when couldn't do something early in the program.

GRRRRRRRRR!