Monday, July 17, 2006

oh the horror!

i had the wurst, WURST possible thing happen to me this afternoon

so most of you know from a previous post from awhile back that i can hold my pee for a long time which usually means that i avoid having to go to the dreaded public washroom, and oh how i hate to, no, better yet i should say i despise to use them but today on my way to my weekly allergy shot at my dr.'s office which just so happens to reside in an out-of-date building that is older than, well you get my drift and as i'm walking in to my appointment it hits me

gotta pee ~ gotta go right now ~ gotta pee pee ~ omg i have to pee like right now!

my bladder is screaming at me for release and i know, oh yes i know that i'm going to have to cave and give in to my urge to urinate as much as i hate to use there itsy bitsy teeny tiny "public" washroom just outside of my dr's office which by the way everyone can here you in there doing your "business", which just makes it every so much more horrifying. i'm in luck though as it's only shelley (admin) and some other lady who looks really nice (thankfully no kids, dirty people, or seniors) so i quickly go in shut the door (failing to notice that the door knob is hanging every so crookedly) and

ahhhhhhhhh

instant relief and i couldn't care less if the pope or the president heard me at this point

so i finish up, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and go to turn the knob to leave, only, hmm that's odd it won't open, i twist and i turn and i pull and nothing, NOTHING and i'm telling myself not to panic and remain calm when in fact i am doing none of the sort and there's this damn annoying fan going and i can't hear anything outside and i'm very near pounding down this piece of shit door when i faintly here shelley on the other side saying something and i'm like what? "i can't hear you", honestly this is like a scene from some t.v. show and i'm sure this would only ever, EVER possibly happen to me. visions of me spending the rest of the afternoon trapped in this godforsaken smelley, stinky ass bathroom flash thru my brain and my panic again rises another level, i'm twisting and turning when at the same time shelley is from the other side of the door, obivioisily we aren't getting anywhere's here

i then suddenly realize what i have to do, and oh boy i don't want to

i calmly stated to shelley to turn off the light, thus putting me into total darkness. and again those of you that know me know that i am terrified, no i should say scared to death of the dark but it's the only way i can hear for her to instruct me on what to do to get me outta this goddamn death trap!

and then i'm in the dark

trying oh so hard not to cry, laugh and scream at the same time

this was the longest 5 fucking minutes of my life i swear but praise baby jesus i got out, without them having to go and get the maintaince guy and thankfully it's still just shelley and this really nice women who made light of it all when really all i wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep

i am so never, EVER going into a public washroom like that ever, ever again

i think that's my lesson learned for the day

11 comments:

Sadie Lou said...

did you crawl on the bathroom floor to get out?
Ew!
and being in the bathroom in the dark would have reminded me of a scary Japanese movie that I shall not talk about....

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Stuck in a shitter... Yep, that's a crappy situation alright.

Nancy Drew said...

ummmm how about doing a meme to take your mind off of it? I tagged you......

Czarina said...

That sucks...at least it's not stinky like some Asian public bathroom

flea said...

sadie lou- ewwww thankfully no! and i also am thankful for not seeing the said movie as i have an idea what your talking about, i would have shit my pants in the shitter!

lbb- yup it certainly wuz

nancy drew - thanks for the tag i'll pop over to your blog to get inspired in a bit

michelle - i can't say that i've ever been in an asian public washroom but i'll take your word for it ~ thanks for stopping by, i'll do likewise :)

Barry said...

Yeah, you are right - only YOU!

flea said...

barry - ha ha that so doesn't make me feel any better about it all

mcBlogger said...

I am sooo sorry to hear of this happening. It happened to me last week. after much cajoling of the handle I did eventually get out, but it was terrible indeed. Hope you recover nicely. They're not all that bad.

flea said...

mcblogger - i think u and i should compare stories we seem to have a lot that happen to us that are so similar....are u my long lost twin??

ha ha ha

no really......

AJisBack said...

I'm glad that if I had to make it back and to read a blog...that this was the one I read!! hahaha now that shit is funny!! And P.S I was just in that office the other day!!

flea said...

ajisback - ok you really had me creeped out there for a second i wuz like who da hell until i clicked your link ~ wb biatch!