Friday, February 02, 2007

isn't it funny...

how you meet somebody or more so "know" of them and then they continue to pop up randomly over the years, and you think oh yeah i knew her back in _____ and _______ and you just continue on your merry way, and then the next time you hear of this said person it's not good news at all

in fact it's terrible news

finding out that this person, who i've known of but never actually knew has been killed in a car accident is a low blow. i'm not sure why. what made her have such a lasting impression on me, i know i was severely jealous and envious of her as she was super cute, skinny and she seemed to have everything, but i never knew her (if i had known her i would've known that she was battling cancer that first time i met her and that in fact she didn't have everything) and i'm sure she never remembered me. so why would it effect me so, i mean sure it's really sad and devastating as she had 3 kids and was only 33 i mean 33!! like that's just wrong to die so young with so much ahead of you, and i mean it could happen to anyone, anytime any place, but i keep coming back as to why it's really upsetting me and i keep coming back to nothing

i personally believe that everything happens for a purpose and or reason, or that it's all mapped out and were on the moving track doing what we are "ment" to do. perhaps she was ment to keep popping up in my life over the years, was it coincidence that she just so happended to have worked with my cousin, was it coincidence that we voulenteered our time at a local charity/auction one night, or that she used to go to my hairdresser???

just plain weird and funny but not like haha funny

i've been doing the same thing that i did when a close friend of mine was killed at such a young age, i imagine myself waking up in the morning, dreading my day, looking forward to watching Ugly Betty or whatever and just doing my typical mundane things that i do every day, not knowing that it's my last day, not knowing i won't see my loved ones again. i often wonder what goes thru there minds in that last instant, what did they see/feel? did they know they were going to die? i think this is what haunts me most. i never used to be scared of death but as i'm getting older, the realization sinks in that we are not imortal, we aren't here forever and we should savor the time we are here

lame but true

stay safe ~ peace out :P


Barry said...

Death is a part of life... I know that sounds trite. Anyways - don't be afraid of death - just Fear God - ... you get my drift

Beth said...

it's so should live your life as if every day were your last. I try to do that and I want to die with no regrets. there isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell the people I love, "I love you"...even if I say it 10 times a day, I still say it.

Jamie Dawn said...

I think it affected you so much because it brought the reality of death to you in a more personal way. You didn't really KNOW her, but you had seen her and knew of her and thought she really had it all.
Even though she didn't have the perfect life you once had thought she had, she still had no idea that death was just around the corner. Even if she had the most perfect life one could have, I think your heart would still be mourning her tragic loss at such a young age. And leaving kids behind... how very very sad.
These things remind us of our own mortality.
Instead of making us withdraw from life, they should kick start us into living each moment to the fullest. Thanks for the reminder!!

It's a new day, time for a new attitude. Remember? I'm with you on this one!! :)

White Forest said...

"i personally believe that everything happens for a purpose and or reason"

i strongly believe in it too!

Wandering Coyote said...

Don't overanalyze - it's a trap. Just accept that you feel the way you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. It's called "radical acceptance." It's always tragic when someone dies before her time, especially a young person and a mother. You're sensitive because you've lost someone yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that/.

Songbird said...

(((((((((hugs)))))))) Flea! Hope you feel better. I agree with beth and white forest. Reminds me of the poem/song Richard Cory. It's an experience that does shake you up, isn't it.

Just take care of you, love all you can.

Miss 1999 said...

That's not lame at all. I know how you feel... The older I get, and seeing friends passing away at such a young age, makes you realize, just how short our time really is here. I'm sorry to hear of your "friend"s passing. *hugs*

Jenni said...

I used to be deathly affraid of flying. I would DREAD going on a trip and have small panic attacks up to a week before I had to board the plane...Until one day I realized, if I die in an airplane crash it's most probably my time to go. Plain and simple. And I just became "O.K" with that.

Maybe she was in your life to help you realize that instead of dreading the inevitable you should just live in the present. Who knows what's going to happen? I don't, you don't...So live for today and whatever tomorrow brings it's going to bring regradless...right?