i'm changing my last name to moody. these last few days (and weeks) my moods are so unpredictable you never know what your going to get. i may start out happy and cheerful but mid day or late evening it all goes to hell or vice versa.
and to top it off my hormones are all out of wack. my skin is super uber greasey/oily. like you could wipe it off and deep fry something greasey. i've never had my skin do this and i'm broke out everywhere face, neck, shoulders but mostly my face. they aren't big pus ones just little teeny tiny ones all over everywhere.
i get so mad and frustrated about everything that i want to scream/punch/kick things and then i turn around and i'm crying or laughing.
what is going on!!!
i know i'm stressed about things and i shouldn't be - hey that's just me but why is my skin all messed up????????
who knows? i sure as heck don't. mabye it's just horomones changing as i get older (sob) or mabye i'm mid cycle and just need to bitch. mabye it's the change in the weather.
i dunno i just hope it passes like everything and anything else.
work is extremely quiet today all the head hauncho's are out you could hear a pin drop it's so quiet and i don't wanna do a friggin thing. will have to do something though to make the day go by fast as LOST is on tonight and i just cannot wait! so excited!! happy dance.
anyways, Happy Hump Day
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
have you ever...
have you ever been in a store (i.e. gas station or grocery store) where they have security cameras and you look at them and see a person and think to your self who is that fat ass only to realize that it's your own fat ass staring back at you. this really happend. really. ~ sob~
have you ever looked into the mirror and fully realized how old and chubby you are? in my mind's eye i still feel like 22 and think that i'm a size 8......ha ha ha only to have age and fat thighs mock me as i stare at myself naked in the mirror and then i fully realize that it's not going to get any better (just wait til i pop out a kid for godsakes!!!!)
have you ever had to sit through a really intense good movie only to have dumbass teeny boopers ruin it? case in point - attended late night movie saturday night v. excited to watch the exorcism of emily rose only to have the entire theatre and i mean the entire theatre filled with tweens & teens. now i was a teen once and i know that my friends and i were loud and all but at least we had respect for other's, this whole new breed of teens do not. after every possible scary scene some idiot kept making farting noises and they all would laugh and tee hee totally ruining the scene and vibe of the movie. like how rude!
have you ever looked at a teen queen and wanted to hurt her as she is so just like barbie it makes you want to vomit? perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect boy toy (he was a hottie too). BARF.
have you ever gone like 2 1/2 weeks without shaving your legs? yeah, i still haven't shaved i'm growing attached to the hair.
have you ever rubbed your nose only to experience excruciating pain? like what the heck is that! and owww. then suffer from a really bad nose bleed. weird.
have you ever been thrown into a job and nobody tells you what to do? this has happend to me twice with my last two jobs. not fun. espically with this one as there is so much going on and i know i could/should be doing something but i have nothing. so i just sit and try to look like i'm doing productive things.
have you ever worked in a building with security/hidden camera's? have to deal with this every day and try not to pick my nose or do anything embarssing as it will be on tape.
have you ever had a brain fart where you are either a) talking to someone and you get mid sentence and everything drowns out and you are in an empty void and fail to remember what you were talking about or b) you start walking somewhere's to do/get something and get halfway there and cannot remember what you were doing or where you were going.............
have you ever wanted to cry, laugh and scream at the same time. wanted to do this today, several times
have you ever wanted to continue blogging as you are extremely bored and ready to go home but run out of ideas?
have you ever looked into the mirror and fully realized how old and chubby you are? in my mind's eye i still feel like 22 and think that i'm a size 8......ha ha ha only to have age and fat thighs mock me as i stare at myself naked in the mirror and then i fully realize that it's not going to get any better (just wait til i pop out a kid for godsakes!!!!)
have you ever had to sit through a really intense good movie only to have dumbass teeny boopers ruin it? case in point - attended late night movie saturday night v. excited to watch the exorcism of emily rose only to have the entire theatre and i mean the entire theatre filled with tweens & teens. now i was a teen once and i know that my friends and i were loud and all but at least we had respect for other's, this whole new breed of teens do not. after every possible scary scene some idiot kept making farting noises and they all would laugh and tee hee totally ruining the scene and vibe of the movie. like how rude!
have you ever looked at a teen queen and wanted to hurt her as she is so just like barbie it makes you want to vomit? perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect boy toy (he was a hottie too). BARF.
have you ever gone like 2 1/2 weeks without shaving your legs? yeah, i still haven't shaved i'm growing attached to the hair.
have you ever rubbed your nose only to experience excruciating pain? like what the heck is that! and owww. then suffer from a really bad nose bleed. weird.
have you ever been thrown into a job and nobody tells you what to do? this has happend to me twice with my last two jobs. not fun. espically with this one as there is so much going on and i know i could/should be doing something but i have nothing. so i just sit and try to look like i'm doing productive things.
have you ever worked in a building with security/hidden camera's? have to deal with this every day and try not to pick my nose or do anything embarssing as it will be on tape.
have you ever had a brain fart where you are either a) talking to someone and you get mid sentence and everything drowns out and you are in an empty void and fail to remember what you were talking about or b) you start walking somewhere's to do/get something and get halfway there and cannot remember what you were doing or where you were going.............
have you ever wanted to cry, laugh and scream at the same time. wanted to do this today, several times
have you ever wanted to continue blogging as you are extremely bored and ready to go home but run out of ideas?
Friday, September 16, 2005
Top "Seven"
I found this on another blog, i read her quite often check her out sometime at www.blondiescorner.blogspot.com
7 things I plan to do before I die
1) bungie jump
2) Become a millionaire.
3) find a job that i love
4) Have a few kids.
5) sky dive
6) Travel to at least Scotland, Greece, & Hawaii but i'll settle for Cuba
7) go to watch the olympics (preferably the winter they have better sports), would love to go to the games when they are in Vancouver.
7 things I can do
1) bitch
2) whine
3) type really, really fast
4) bend my arm around so that it looks out of joint
5) talk to anyone
6) smile even when it hurts me to
7) Drive really, really fast
7 things I cannot do
1) touch my toes (as sad as this may be)
2) Deal with someone who stinks. I have a sensitive sniffer.
3) be around insects (espically june bugs)
4) clean up cat shit (little kitten is still not really using the box and still has the shit's so disgusting and it's all i can smell
5) kill/shoot an animal (or person unless really provoked)
6) walk through the woods along in the dark
7)use the washroom in public places (number 2 only, number 1 is not an issue here)
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1)the buttocks
2)sense of humour
3) smile
4) skinny/wiry
5) hair (on the head only, hairy chest = ewww)
6) abs
7) arms
7 things I say most often
1) Shut up
2) F$^%
3) whatever
4) dumbass
5) k
7 celebrity crushes
1) Jared Leto (i love him, have loved him since my so called life)
2) Jake Gyllenhaal
3) Adam Brody
4) the guy who plays Sawyer on Lost (dunno real name)
5) Justin Timberlake
6) Billy Crudup as Russell Hammond in Almost Famous
7) Jim Morrison
7 people who need to do this
1) I don't know anyone......
2) Jilly of course
3) Andy
4) Aila
5) Krazy Kaper
6) Kleo
7) Bridget (not sure if she still reads or not)
7 things I plan to do before I die
1) bungie jump
2) Become a millionaire.
3) find a job that i love
4) Have a few kids.
5) sky dive
6) Travel to at least Scotland, Greece, & Hawaii but i'll settle for Cuba
7) go to watch the olympics (preferably the winter they have better sports), would love to go to the games when they are in Vancouver.
7 things I can do
1) bitch
2) whine
3) type really, really fast
4) bend my arm around so that it looks out of joint
5) talk to anyone
6) smile even when it hurts me to
7) Drive really, really fast
7 things I cannot do
1) touch my toes (as sad as this may be)
2) Deal with someone who stinks. I have a sensitive sniffer.
3) be around insects (espically june bugs)
4) clean up cat shit (little kitten is still not really using the box and still has the shit's so disgusting and it's all i can smell
5) kill/shoot an animal (or person unless really provoked)
6) walk through the woods along in the dark
7)use the washroom in public places (number 2 only, number 1 is not an issue here)
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1)the buttocks
2)sense of humour
3) smile
4) skinny/wiry
5) hair (on the head only, hairy chest = ewww)
6) abs
7) arms
7 things I say most often
1) Shut up
2) F$^%
3) whatever
4) dumbass
5) k
6) have a good one
7)i hate you (jokingly to hubby)7 celebrity crushes
1) Jared Leto (i love him, have loved him since my so called life)
2) Jake Gyllenhaal
3) Adam Brody
4) the guy who plays Sawyer on Lost (dunno real name)
5) Justin Timberlake
6) Billy Crudup as Russell Hammond in Almost Famous
7) Jim Morrison
7 people who need to do this
1) I don't know anyone......
2) Jilly of course
3) Andy
4) Aila
5) Krazy Kaper
6) Kleo
7) Bridget (not sure if she still reads or not)
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
true stuff
i just ran my hand over my leg and the leg hair is overwhelming. it's like a little forest, my own little private hairy forest
i cannot stop biting my nails. i bite until they bleed. this is an issue.
i'm a compulsive liar
i'm not a true blonde anymore i'm more of a dark blonde with wanna be blonde highlights. i miss my true blonde days :(
i also miss when i could go into a store and put anything on and having it fit. this was back in the good ol days of being a teen/early 20's when i weighed 115-120 pounds, mind you i looked anorexic with my little twig arms but oh how i miss those days when i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound. so not the case nowadays i eat a french fry and 5 pounds goes onto my ass.
i haven't eaten out yet this week & i worked out today at noon let's hope i keep this up and i'm hoping that by keeping track here will make me stay dedicated and focused. i'm on a mission to lose 15 pounds (mabye 20 but that's pushing it).
so i haven't eaten much today and i'm hungry like almost feel sick to my stomache hungry i can literally taste the bile in my throat. so wanna go home.
i'm a whiny baby and i always complain about something or other hurting. lately it's my right knee and my jaw. yeah i have tmj or tmd whatever the heck it is it will snap and crack and not quite lock but almost. required to get bite plate which costs $350, think i will wait until i get my health coverage thru work thank you. so i suffer in the meantime, so i complain a little, so i whine, so what
i've drank 3 591ml bottles of water today and i'm still thirsty as heck. must be uber dehydrated.
i've sworn off of pop, any kind of pop (again) got addicted to Diet Pepsi while in PEI months ago and need to let go, although with weight watchers it's only 1 point per pop but it's just not good for you & makes me so bloated. buh bye dp :(
i want to win the lotto but yet i don't buy tickets. this is another issue.
whose going to win Canadian Idol. who cares this season sucked ass compared to last year, although i would like to see the newfie win even though he can't sing all that great.
rock star inxs kick butt. love this show but can never stay up to watch it's on way to late but i tape it and watch the next day. all 4 that are left are good in there own rights but my fav's are Suzie and Mig. J.D. is up there too but i like the other two better. not really big on marty, not sure why, mabye it's the kurt cobain resemblance i dunno but he's my least fav although everyone else loves him and he'll probably be the one to join the band.
guess i should do something have an hour to kill
i'm out
i cannot stop biting my nails. i bite until they bleed. this is an issue.
i'm a compulsive liar
i'm not a true blonde anymore i'm more of a dark blonde with wanna be blonde highlights. i miss my true blonde days :(
i also miss when i could go into a store and put anything on and having it fit. this was back in the good ol days of being a teen/early 20's when i weighed 115-120 pounds, mind you i looked anorexic with my little twig arms but oh how i miss those days when i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound. so not the case nowadays i eat a french fry and 5 pounds goes onto my ass.
i haven't eaten out yet this week & i worked out today at noon let's hope i keep this up and i'm hoping that by keeping track here will make me stay dedicated and focused. i'm on a mission to lose 15 pounds (mabye 20 but that's pushing it).
so i haven't eaten much today and i'm hungry like almost feel sick to my stomache hungry i can literally taste the bile in my throat. so wanna go home.
i'm a whiny baby and i always complain about something or other hurting. lately it's my right knee and my jaw. yeah i have tmj or tmd whatever the heck it is it will snap and crack and not quite lock but almost. required to get bite plate which costs $350, think i will wait until i get my health coverage thru work thank you. so i suffer in the meantime, so i complain a little, so i whine, so what
i've drank 3 591ml bottles of water today and i'm still thirsty as heck. must be uber dehydrated.
i've sworn off of pop, any kind of pop (again) got addicted to Diet Pepsi while in PEI months ago and need to let go, although with weight watchers it's only 1 point per pop but it's just not good for you & makes me so bloated. buh bye dp :(
i want to win the lotto but yet i don't buy tickets. this is another issue.
whose going to win Canadian Idol. who cares this season sucked ass compared to last year, although i would like to see the newfie win even though he can't sing all that great.
rock star inxs kick butt. love this show but can never stay up to watch it's on way to late but i tape it and watch the next day. all 4 that are left are good in there own rights but my fav's are Suzie and Mig. J.D. is up there too but i like the other two better. not really big on marty, not sure why, mabye it's the kurt cobain resemblance i dunno but he's my least fav although everyone else loves him and he'll probably be the one to join the band.
guess i should do something have an hour to kill
i'm out
Monday, September 12, 2005
Budda Ba Ba Ba......i'm lovin it
in case some don't know this is the newest/latest mcdonald's jingle. you here it every where and everyone knows when you hit the budda ba ba ba, what tune it is and who it's for. i even have a little nephew who sings this tune. pure marketing genius. evil marketing genius. and in my case i'm hating it.
i'm swearing to myself or better yet trying to convince myself that mcdonald's is the devil. as of late i have fallen back into the routine of eating out there at least once or twice a week. i was doing so well to there for a little while and now look at me. sob. i cannot stop but i'm trying v. hard to stop. boycot is in place!!
note to self - faired well last week as i didn't eat there but was tempted oh yes indeedy was i ever, ever tempted.
not only is this bad for my waist line but it's bad for my wallett, you see there prices have gone up like everything else and for a combo deal (my fav is the quarter pounder) is now like $6.30+. crazy retarded.
~sigh~ i wonder if there is an addicton class for this??
i'm swearing to myself or better yet trying to convince myself that mcdonald's is the devil. as of late i have fallen back into the routine of eating out there at least once or twice a week. i was doing so well to there for a little while and now look at me. sob. i cannot stop but i'm trying v. hard to stop. boycot is in place!!
note to self - faired well last week as i didn't eat there but was tempted oh yes indeedy was i ever, ever tempted.
not only is this bad for my waist line but it's bad for my wallett, you see there prices have gone up like everything else and for a combo deal (my fav is the quarter pounder) is now like $6.30+. crazy retarded.
~sigh~ i wonder if there is an addicton class for this??
Friday, September 09, 2005
yippee skippy
it's friday, need i say anymore?
the good mood is still here although not as prominant as yesterday. lot's to do this weekend like some housework, weddings, house warming parties and so forth so should be a pretty busy weekend. just hoping the weather holds out may even do some wheelin on sunday.
feeling somewhat better about the job i just need to appreciate the fact that i have a job and stop being so bitter plus i work with several hotties so that's a huge BONUS
it's the weekend people! party hardy :)
the good mood is still here although not as prominant as yesterday. lot's to do this weekend like some housework, weddings, house warming parties and so forth so should be a pretty busy weekend. just hoping the weather holds out may even do some wheelin on sunday.
feeling somewhat better about the job i just need to appreciate the fact that i have a job and stop being so bitter plus i work with several hotties so that's a huge BONUS
it's the weekend people! party hardy :)
Thursday, September 08, 2005
happy, happiness, happy time
i'm so happy today. for the first time in a long time i feel giddy and feel like smiling. not really sure why cause my life is no different than it was the day before but here i sit omitting happiness.
mabye it's because i had lunch with a friend who i haven't seen in months and she always makes me laugh.
mabye it's because the shit storm is moving on to someone else and leaving me behind and i can be happy and stress free (ha i wish!)
mabye it's because it's September and it's still 30 degrees outside (loves it!) but i'm sure it won't last
mabye it's because Aaron Walpole got kicked off of Canadian Idol (could not stand him and now that Casey's gone i couldn't care who wins)
mabye it's because the new season of the o.c starts tonight, so excited and cannot wait
or mabye it's just because it's about time that i can be happy. who knows but i'll enjoy it while it lasts and spread the happiness to eveyone!
mabye it's because i had lunch with a friend who i haven't seen in months and she always makes me laugh.
mabye it's because the shit storm is moving on to someone else and leaving me behind and i can be happy and stress free (ha i wish!)
mabye it's because it's September and it's still 30 degrees outside (loves it!) but i'm sure it won't last
mabye it's because Aaron Walpole got kicked off of Canadian Idol (could not stand him and now that Casey's gone i couldn't care who wins)
mabye it's because the new season of the o.c starts tonight, so excited and cannot wait
or mabye it's just because it's about time that i can be happy. who knows but i'll enjoy it while it lasts and spread the happiness to eveyone!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
random thoughts
i'm breaking a rule and blogging from work as i'm bored, tired and plain lazy and do not want to do anymore until 5pm which is exactly 38 minutes away
my pants are tight, yup it's that time of the month & i've gained 5+ pounds
feel like a frickin whale
did not shower this morning to damn lazy
have a "cute" big blind zit in the crease that forms when i smile so i can feel this huge mofo all day and i've done quite well in restraining myself from squeezing it as i don't want a huge welt on my face at work
i'm craving chocolate like a madman
reading a really great book called " the Clan of the Cave bears" recommended to me by Jilly, love it and can't wait to go home, curl up and have a nice bath and read it till it's done
it's like 30 degrees outside today
stupid me wake up in the morning thinking it's going to be cold and wear a fall sweater and pants. sweating to death & my pants are tight, did i mention that already???
so uncomfortable cannot wait to go home and change into pj's, oh how i miss pj's
can u believe the price of gas. so wrong and not right but i fear it's not going to drop much in the near future or any time after that. we may as well get used to it, sad to say
25 minutes and counting
my feet stink, nasty but i don't want to put my shoes back on, hope no one walks by but yet at the same time i kinda do
i technically work for 1 company but yet the owner owns several business 2 of which are in same building so i have to answer phones for both.......should be paid for both shouldn't i? or am i just greedy as i'm under paid
hmmmm the things to ponder
the radio plays crap, old crap that needs to go away and be burned/banned
running out of things
wanna be home
20 minutes and counting til 5pm
my pants are tight, yup it's that time of the month & i've gained 5+ pounds
feel like a frickin whale
did not shower this morning to damn lazy
have a "cute" big blind zit in the crease that forms when i smile so i can feel this huge mofo all day and i've done quite well in restraining myself from squeezing it as i don't want a huge welt on my face at work
i'm craving chocolate like a madman
reading a really great book called " the Clan of the Cave bears" recommended to me by Jilly, love it and can't wait to go home, curl up and have a nice bath and read it till it's done
it's like 30 degrees outside today
stupid me wake up in the morning thinking it's going to be cold and wear a fall sweater and pants. sweating to death & my pants are tight, did i mention that already???
so uncomfortable cannot wait to go home and change into pj's, oh how i miss pj's
can u believe the price of gas. so wrong and not right but i fear it's not going to drop much in the near future or any time after that. we may as well get used to it, sad to say
25 minutes and counting
my feet stink, nasty but i don't want to put my shoes back on, hope no one walks by but yet at the same time i kinda do
i technically work for 1 company but yet the owner owns several business 2 of which are in same building so i have to answer phones for both.......should be paid for both shouldn't i? or am i just greedy as i'm under paid
hmmmm the things to ponder
the radio plays crap, old crap that needs to go away and be burned/banned
running out of things
wanna be home
20 minutes and counting til 5pm
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Rolling Stones summary
so i survived the big bad stones concert. it was pretty amazing and like anything in life it had it's ups and downs and here's my run down of yesterday's concert.
first up on my agenda was to get totally shit faced before 2pm which i did on the sad/unprepared end we left at 2:30 (thinking we had tons of time and that most of the crowd was ahead of us, ha ha who were we kidding!) we had to waste an hour of time waiting in line after line, after line.
line number 1 - good buddy of my hubby's dropped us of at the bus stop running in moncton to take us to the shuttle buses up mountain road. the line moved quite quickly and we only had to wait 30 min putting us at 3pm and Our Lady Peace (my fav band) plays at 3:50. Krystal and I begin to worry that we may not see them................
arrive at shuttle bus destination at the bottom of mountain road. line up is frickin un-believeable forming several figure eights. had to at least be 1000+ just in this spot leading us to
line number 2 - i dunno how long we were here did not time, don't really wanna know either. oh and did i forget to mention that i am shit faced and have been drinking all morning and i'm totally wasting a perfectly good high waiting in line!! ha ha plus i have to pee.
finally get onto shuttle bus let loose some hoops & hollers everyone is stoked. bus ride is mabye 10 min tops and we are dropped off at the starting point of Magic Mountin/magnetic hill. have to walk up hill for like 10-15 min just to get to gates of concert. did i forget to mention that it's hot and i'm out of shape. but that so did not matter as i am missing Our lady peace. not cool. Kris and i booter as fast as we can arriving at
line number 3 - checking bags/tickets. this line was actually not half as bad as what i thought it would be. they really didn't check for shit and i'm sure lots of pps snuck stuff in (unlike us who were not thinking of all these damn lines beginning to sober up, could have been drinking entire time which i'm sure was an hour and a half) anyways we can hear them singing and i want in there already but there is still more walking. and were walking and the pps holy mofo i cannot believe the mass of pps. unlike anything i have ever seen. then i see Raine on the big screen and nothing else matters. and then they are done playing and he's leaving and i haven't even seen them yet!!!! grrrr but hey at least i saw him but i must say we were off to a rough start. the boys of course had to get there beer which is in the beer gardens in a roped/fenced in area hence leading to
line number 4 - checking pps id's, this wasn't a long line but still it's a line. beginning to not like lines (trust me does not get much better)
arrive into beer garden area. no idea where to go just see pps everywhere. finally we figure out that you have to purchase tickets before you get the beer. this is where i'm going to complain. they should have had lines roped out for pps to wait in as there was mass confusion and two seperate lines forming into one big one. lot's of pushing and shoving and again not sure how much time wen't by but Maroon 5 starts playing and i can't see shit from where we are. by the time they get there tickets they are playing there last couple of songs and we are in the actual "beer" line which makes that line number 5.
just in case you forgot, i still have to pee! yeah, i haven't gone yet and everyone wants to wait until the beer is gone before we go to porty potty land so we don't get split up. you see the weird thing about holding your pee for so long is you forget you have to go after awhile. i mean it hurts and all but i so forgot.........anyways. we sit and drink. Maroon 5 is done and we are waiting for the Tragically Hip to come on. again not sure on time but they begin to play as we make our way to the bathroom finally, i've only had to go now for like 2 hrs............
which brings us to line up number 6. porty potty land. row upon row of porty potties and i must add they are beginning to smell like hell. thankfully the line again moved fairly quickly but man i so did not want to go in there yet i had to and omg it was the most disgusting thing ever. no toilet paper, pee everywhere, the stall that i am in is almost overflowing with pee as it's almost to the rim of the toilet seat. i so did not want to touch anything. found it v. hard to keep footing as the floor is all wet and i'm slipping and sliding and the smell is terrible and i'm trying so damn hard to pee but it just won't come out and then there is thumping and banging coming from the stall beside me and some women says something like "so are you horny" and that does it i'm giggling softly to myself and finally i have relief and thank god i can finally get out of there.
so we re-group and decide that we should make way for the stage in preparation of the stones because thus far we haven't seen shit concert wise only heard. so we get to watch most of the hips performance which is pretty good but the sound is a little off or something but it was awsome. so they wrap up and were at a pretty good angle to the stage but still along time away from dark. we had to wait at least an hour and a half before the stones came on. by this point we have been on our feet all damn day and my legs and feet (espically my right knee, something not right with it lately) is hurting like hell. so we sit and wait and wait and they are out doing sound and light checks and they are loading pps with back stage passes onto the 7 stories high stage and everyone is getting pumped and clapping and it's getting dark out and you know it's getting close.
and then there's a loud bang as fire works go off and lights come on and you here the beginning of Start me up and there's mick and the boys and the crowd is wild this is frickin un-real and amazing! the gigantic big screen and lights and sounds and holy frig can micky boy ever move. we stayed down there for quite a few songs until some pps started pushing and shoving and stuff and we thought it best to move back a little. now you know where outside and all but thre are 85,000 pps crammned into one field and just about every person smokes some sort of cigerette, joint, cigar whatever and i can only take so much smoke before it starts to make me sick and i am starting to get that feeling and i want to leave but i don't say anything as i know everyone else wants to stay. so we move back again and decide to mabye get some food and water. i am hopeful that the water will make me better. ha ha who am i kidding. so did not work. everything on me is now hurting quite severally at this point but mostly my legs and my head which is splitting right down the middle. mick and the boys are singing a bunch of songs i don't know and i begin to feel as though i am about to have a panic attack.
yup my wurst fear come true. i so knew this would happen and here i am and it's happening. great. hubby doesn't really understand (of course i didn't tell him at this point either but he knew soemthing was up i'm sure) and tells me to drink more water which i try to do. we move again up further up the hill and now we have an awsome view of the stage and lights and they start playing Paint it black which is my all time fav song of there's and i'm trying so hard not to give into the panic but i can still smell smoke (pot, cig's) all around me and that does it i am full blown into my panic attack. i'm hot and can't breathe and the tears are brimming in my eyes and i start to feel my arms slightly shaking and i just try to withdraw into myself but hubby finally really "looks" at me and he's like were leaving now grabs my hand and were off walking.
and walking and walking. did we walk this bloody far coming in geez. we finally see where they have all the buses lined up and the stream of pps is crazy! the concert is not even over and there is a river of people just walking and waiting in lines for the buses. we avoid line up number 7 as we just do not want to stand in another line and continue walking in hopes of getting a taxi in downtown moncton. so we walk and walk some more and my legs are numb with pain, my right knee has locked right up entirely and i'm sooooooo tired and just want to be in bed. we see cabs coming and going but have no real luck flagging them down so we finally catch the number of one of the cabs driving past and decide to call them up and tell them where we are at which is by the comfort inn in moncton. the first time we called two cabs went to pull into where we are waiting but the swarm of pps scares them off as they encircle the cab at once desperate to get a ride. by now we are all tired, achy, scared and anxious to get the fuck out of moncton but hope was beginning to dimish very rapidly. krystal calls the cab one more time says to pull into comfort inn driveway and the wait begins. another 10-20 min passes us by before the cab finally shows up thank god. it was like the lights of heaven opened up and we were alive and heading for larry's house and arrive by 11:30 which is preety darn good considering we could/would have been much much longer if things hadn't gone like they did.
so we get back and i'm exhausted as my panic attacks usually leave me drained, cold and with a severe headache. i go right to bed with a cold face cloth and i'm done, no more for me.
so that's my Stone's experience. we didn't buy any t-shirts or souviners (didn't even think of it), no pictures as we didn't buy one of the disposable ones they had for sale all i have is memories so it's a good thing that i didn't get drunk.
anyways, happy labour day weekend all :)
first up on my agenda was to get totally shit faced before 2pm which i did on the sad/unprepared end we left at 2:30 (thinking we had tons of time and that most of the crowd was ahead of us, ha ha who were we kidding!) we had to waste an hour of time waiting in line after line, after line.
line number 1 - good buddy of my hubby's dropped us of at the bus stop running in moncton to take us to the shuttle buses up mountain road. the line moved quite quickly and we only had to wait 30 min putting us at 3pm and Our Lady Peace (my fav band) plays at 3:50. Krystal and I begin to worry that we may not see them................
arrive at shuttle bus destination at the bottom of mountain road. line up is frickin un-believeable forming several figure eights. had to at least be 1000+ just in this spot leading us to
line number 2 - i dunno how long we were here did not time, don't really wanna know either. oh and did i forget to mention that i am shit faced and have been drinking all morning and i'm totally wasting a perfectly good high waiting in line!! ha ha plus i have to pee.
finally get onto shuttle bus let loose some hoops & hollers everyone is stoked. bus ride is mabye 10 min tops and we are dropped off at the starting point of Magic Mountin/magnetic hill. have to walk up hill for like 10-15 min just to get to gates of concert. did i forget to mention that it's hot and i'm out of shape. but that so did not matter as i am missing Our lady peace. not cool. Kris and i booter as fast as we can arriving at
line number 3 - checking bags/tickets. this line was actually not half as bad as what i thought it would be. they really didn't check for shit and i'm sure lots of pps snuck stuff in (unlike us who were not thinking of all these damn lines beginning to sober up, could have been drinking entire time which i'm sure was an hour and a half) anyways we can hear them singing and i want in there already but there is still more walking. and were walking and the pps holy mofo i cannot believe the mass of pps. unlike anything i have ever seen. then i see Raine on the big screen and nothing else matters. and then they are done playing and he's leaving and i haven't even seen them yet!!!! grrrr but hey at least i saw him but i must say we were off to a rough start. the boys of course had to get there beer which is in the beer gardens in a roped/fenced in area hence leading to
line number 4 - checking pps id's, this wasn't a long line but still it's a line. beginning to not like lines (trust me does not get much better)
arrive into beer garden area. no idea where to go just see pps everywhere. finally we figure out that you have to purchase tickets before you get the beer. this is where i'm going to complain. they should have had lines roped out for pps to wait in as there was mass confusion and two seperate lines forming into one big one. lot's of pushing and shoving and again not sure how much time wen't by but Maroon 5 starts playing and i can't see shit from where we are. by the time they get there tickets they are playing there last couple of songs and we are in the actual "beer" line which makes that line number 5.
just in case you forgot, i still have to pee! yeah, i haven't gone yet and everyone wants to wait until the beer is gone before we go to porty potty land so we don't get split up. you see the weird thing about holding your pee for so long is you forget you have to go after awhile. i mean it hurts and all but i so forgot.........anyways. we sit and drink. Maroon 5 is done and we are waiting for the Tragically Hip to come on. again not sure on time but they begin to play as we make our way to the bathroom finally, i've only had to go now for like 2 hrs............
which brings us to line up number 6. porty potty land. row upon row of porty potties and i must add they are beginning to smell like hell. thankfully the line again moved fairly quickly but man i so did not want to go in there yet i had to and omg it was the most disgusting thing ever. no toilet paper, pee everywhere, the stall that i am in is almost overflowing with pee as it's almost to the rim of the toilet seat. i so did not want to touch anything. found it v. hard to keep footing as the floor is all wet and i'm slipping and sliding and the smell is terrible and i'm trying so damn hard to pee but it just won't come out and then there is thumping and banging coming from the stall beside me and some women says something like "so are you horny" and that does it i'm giggling softly to myself and finally i have relief and thank god i can finally get out of there.
so we re-group and decide that we should make way for the stage in preparation of the stones because thus far we haven't seen shit concert wise only heard. so we get to watch most of the hips performance which is pretty good but the sound is a little off or something but it was awsome. so they wrap up and were at a pretty good angle to the stage but still along time away from dark. we had to wait at least an hour and a half before the stones came on. by this point we have been on our feet all damn day and my legs and feet (espically my right knee, something not right with it lately) is hurting like hell. so we sit and wait and wait and they are out doing sound and light checks and they are loading pps with back stage passes onto the 7 stories high stage and everyone is getting pumped and clapping and it's getting dark out and you know it's getting close.
and then there's a loud bang as fire works go off and lights come on and you here the beginning of Start me up and there's mick and the boys and the crowd is wild this is frickin un-real and amazing! the gigantic big screen and lights and sounds and holy frig can micky boy ever move. we stayed down there for quite a few songs until some pps started pushing and shoving and stuff and we thought it best to move back a little. now you know where outside and all but thre are 85,000 pps crammned into one field and just about every person smokes some sort of cigerette, joint, cigar whatever and i can only take so much smoke before it starts to make me sick and i am starting to get that feeling and i want to leave but i don't say anything as i know everyone else wants to stay. so we move back again and decide to mabye get some food and water. i am hopeful that the water will make me better. ha ha who am i kidding. so did not work. everything on me is now hurting quite severally at this point but mostly my legs and my head which is splitting right down the middle. mick and the boys are singing a bunch of songs i don't know and i begin to feel as though i am about to have a panic attack.
yup my wurst fear come true. i so knew this would happen and here i am and it's happening. great. hubby doesn't really understand (of course i didn't tell him at this point either but he knew soemthing was up i'm sure) and tells me to drink more water which i try to do. we move again up further up the hill and now we have an awsome view of the stage and lights and they start playing Paint it black which is my all time fav song of there's and i'm trying so hard not to give into the panic but i can still smell smoke (pot, cig's) all around me and that does it i am full blown into my panic attack. i'm hot and can't breathe and the tears are brimming in my eyes and i start to feel my arms slightly shaking and i just try to withdraw into myself but hubby finally really "looks" at me and he's like were leaving now grabs my hand and were off walking.
and walking and walking. did we walk this bloody far coming in geez. we finally see where they have all the buses lined up and the stream of pps is crazy! the concert is not even over and there is a river of people just walking and waiting in lines for the buses. we avoid line up number 7 as we just do not want to stand in another line and continue walking in hopes of getting a taxi in downtown moncton. so we walk and walk some more and my legs are numb with pain, my right knee has locked right up entirely and i'm sooooooo tired and just want to be in bed. we see cabs coming and going but have no real luck flagging them down so we finally catch the number of one of the cabs driving past and decide to call them up and tell them where we are at which is by the comfort inn in moncton. the first time we called two cabs went to pull into where we are waiting but the swarm of pps scares them off as they encircle the cab at once desperate to get a ride. by now we are all tired, achy, scared and anxious to get the fuck out of moncton but hope was beginning to dimish very rapidly. krystal calls the cab one more time says to pull into comfort inn driveway and the wait begins. another 10-20 min passes us by before the cab finally shows up thank god. it was like the lights of heaven opened up and we were alive and heading for larry's house and arrive by 11:30 which is preety darn good considering we could/would have been much much longer if things hadn't gone like they did.
so we get back and i'm exhausted as my panic attacks usually leave me drained, cold and with a severe headache. i go right to bed with a cold face cloth and i'm done, no more for me.
so that's my Stone's experience. we didn't buy any t-shirts or souviners (didn't even think of it), no pictures as we didn't buy one of the disposable ones they had for sale all i have is memories so it's a good thing that i didn't get drunk.
anyways, happy labour day weekend all :)
Monday, August 29, 2005
Welcome to the Jungle
welcome to the jungle we've got fun 'n' games
i live in a jungle. my animals all four of the (2 dogs, 2 cats) have the rule of my home.
Ya learn ta live like an animal in the jungle where we play
no word of a lie. i have given up trying to stay on top of the dirt and mud but it's impossible so i just let my floors get filthy dirty, i mean dirty your feet would be black in an instant. there is cat and dog hair everywhere you cannot escape it. i've let this go for a little while and now i'm fed UP. i can't take anymore dirt or hair. i have dust bunnies rolling around the size of a baseball. i'm so overcome by the smell, hair whatever of animals. i mean i love them and all but geez
You can have anything you want but you better not take it from me
HUGE mofo party at the camp this past weekend for my hubby's cousin and bride to be who are getting married in 2 wks. they had their bachlor/bachlorette parties. was a blast and i totally got smashed and was so drunk. my world was all spinny!!! i haven't been that loaded in a very long time, in fact i think i out drank hubby which never happens and he was watching me like a hawk as i tend to flirt while intoxicated. anyways it was super fun and i didn't throw up although i was down for the count all day sunday. did not want to get out of bed.
And when you're high you never ever want to come down
so were getting down to the wire for the Rolling Stones concert in Moncton it's this coming weekend. i'm actually getting a little excited and a little less fearful i must say although the fear is still there but being numbed by the fact that i can't wait to see our lady peace and the fricking tragically hip & the stones. can't wait. but fear of dying or of being hurt is still there.........must repress
You know where you are????????
You're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die in the jungle
so i'm back into the grind of the work world. going well, i like the pps and the company and all but overall i'm a bit disappointed. not with the job but with myself. i want more than just "answering" the phone. i'm trying to think positive and that mabye hopefully in a year or less (god i hope less) that i can be promoted to another position. i just feel like i'm not going anywhere/improving upon myself. i dunno it's weird and i'm trying not to let my feelings effect my job but i think it is. i'm just to damn confused and frustrated & all these damn changes in my life the past 6 months is getting to be a little overwhelming.
anyways it's getting to be bed time.
talk more later
i live in a jungle. my animals all four of the (2 dogs, 2 cats) have the rule of my home.
Ya learn ta live like an animal in the jungle where we play
no word of a lie. i have given up trying to stay on top of the dirt and mud but it's impossible so i just let my floors get filthy dirty, i mean dirty your feet would be black in an instant. there is cat and dog hair everywhere you cannot escape it. i've let this go for a little while and now i'm fed UP. i can't take anymore dirt or hair. i have dust bunnies rolling around the size of a baseball. i'm so overcome by the smell, hair whatever of animals. i mean i love them and all but geez
You can have anything you want but you better not take it from me
HUGE mofo party at the camp this past weekend for my hubby's cousin and bride to be who are getting married in 2 wks. they had their bachlor/bachlorette parties. was a blast and i totally got smashed and was so drunk. my world was all spinny!!! i haven't been that loaded in a very long time, in fact i think i out drank hubby which never happens and he was watching me like a hawk as i tend to flirt while intoxicated. anyways it was super fun and i didn't throw up although i was down for the count all day sunday. did not want to get out of bed.
And when you're high you never ever want to come down
so were getting down to the wire for the Rolling Stones concert in Moncton it's this coming weekend. i'm actually getting a little excited and a little less fearful i must say although the fear is still there but being numbed by the fact that i can't wait to see our lady peace and the fricking tragically hip & the stones. can't wait. but fear of dying or of being hurt is still there.........must repress
You know where you are????????
You're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die in the jungle
so i'm back into the grind of the work world. going well, i like the pps and the company and all but overall i'm a bit disappointed. not with the job but with myself. i want more than just "answering" the phone. i'm trying to think positive and that mabye hopefully in a year or less (god i hope less) that i can be promoted to another position. i just feel like i'm not going anywhere/improving upon myself. i dunno it's weird and i'm trying not to let my feelings effect my job but i think it is. i'm just to damn confused and frustrated & all these damn changes in my life the past 6 months is getting to be a little overwhelming.
anyways it's getting to be bed time.
talk more later
Thursday, August 18, 2005
fidgety didgety
i think i am suffering from cabin fever.
warning sign number one - cannot sit still must twitch something, preferably my right foot.
warning sign number two - cleaning my house like mad, like the show Clean Sweep mad. i'm throwing crap out, dusting, i'm even contemplating washing walls tommorrow. i frickin hate washing walls and once vowed that i would never, ever do so but upon noticing some heavy duty dust/dirt on my walls i think i just may go at them tommorrow........................
warning sign number three - my thumb is sore from channel surfing through daytime t.v. most days i watch regis and kelly then clean for a couple of hours and come back at 2pm to watch all my children and days of our lives (i flick back and forth between the two). sometimes i just watch much music although lately they are running a lot of re-runs, and other times i just randomly flick, back and forth and to and fro until i just can't take anymore and i return to my mad rampage of cleanliness
warning sign number four - i'm constantly hungry. even if i just ate something i'm hungry. thankfully i don't have much for food in the house as i'm all by my lonesome. but have i ever got the munchies.
warning sign number five - i shriek at my pets. i've turned into shreiky from the care bears. any little movement sets me off. it does not help that they do not listen to a word i say. hubby is numero uno in their eyes and like they are going to listen to the women who shreiks all the time.
warning sign number six - minimum amount of sleep. i'm up well past midnight every night and up at the crack of dawn. my eyes are burning out of my head and my head pounds/aches all the frickin time. i eat advil like they are candy and it still aches and pounds. but i can't sleep as i have things to do, things to clean......
sigh
running out of energy
getting sleepy, must be close to midnight.
on the positive side of things (must think positively people!!)
i have found another job and start back in the work world on monday, which makes me terribly nervous as i've grown accustomed to taking naps in the afternoon, watching soaps, munching on food throughout the day and just plain being lazy. but it's a job yippy skippy and i think that it will be great and all but at the same time i'm kinda sad.
good bye late late nights of mindless tv
farewell afternoon naps
so long mindless frantic cleaning
i'll be seeing you my dear friend, sour cream and onion ruffle chips i'll miss you promise to write and keep in touch
au-revoir shrieky, i'm sure i see you again soon................................
warning sign number one - cannot sit still must twitch something, preferably my right foot.
warning sign number two - cleaning my house like mad, like the show Clean Sweep mad. i'm throwing crap out, dusting, i'm even contemplating washing walls tommorrow. i frickin hate washing walls and once vowed that i would never, ever do so but upon noticing some heavy duty dust/dirt on my walls i think i just may go at them tommorrow........................
warning sign number three - my thumb is sore from channel surfing through daytime t.v. most days i watch regis and kelly then clean for a couple of hours and come back at 2pm to watch all my children and days of our lives (i flick back and forth between the two). sometimes i just watch much music although lately they are running a lot of re-runs, and other times i just randomly flick, back and forth and to and fro until i just can't take anymore and i return to my mad rampage of cleanliness
warning sign number four - i'm constantly hungry. even if i just ate something i'm hungry. thankfully i don't have much for food in the house as i'm all by my lonesome. but have i ever got the munchies.
warning sign number five - i shriek at my pets. i've turned into shreiky from the care bears. any little movement sets me off. it does not help that they do not listen to a word i say. hubby is numero uno in their eyes and like they are going to listen to the women who shreiks all the time.
warning sign number six - minimum amount of sleep. i'm up well past midnight every night and up at the crack of dawn. my eyes are burning out of my head and my head pounds/aches all the frickin time. i eat advil like they are candy and it still aches and pounds. but i can't sleep as i have things to do, things to clean......
sigh
running out of energy
getting sleepy, must be close to midnight.
on the positive side of things (must think positively people!!)
i have found another job and start back in the work world on monday, which makes me terribly nervous as i've grown accustomed to taking naps in the afternoon, watching soaps, munching on food throughout the day and just plain being lazy. but it's a job yippy skippy and i think that it will be great and all but at the same time i'm kinda sad.
good bye late late nights of mindless tv
farewell afternoon naps
so long mindless frantic cleaning
i'll be seeing you my dear friend, sour cream and onion ruffle chips i'll miss you promise to write and keep in touch
au-revoir shrieky, i'm sure i see you again soon................................
Sunday, August 14, 2005
top 10 run down of my day
1.) woke up at 8am to have my daily dose of "good good whole wheat shreddies" only to discover that we were out of milk.
2.) pried my new baby kitty off of the back of my neck. the little spider monkey loves to climb up pps backs. all i can say is ouch make that a double ouch. my back is scratched all to pieces.
3.) wanted oh so badly to crawl back in bed and go to sleep but hubby decides that he wants to "wrestle" and "tickle" me until i cannot possbily take anymore. i almost died (seriousily)laughing so hard and i swear i saw the light but really i couldn't breathe and it was kinda freaky. hubby then finally decides to lay off when he discovers that i have turned blue.
4.) it's official all my pets are crazy. they are bad, bad bad pets who do not listen and mind and they drive me up the wall. the dogs chase the cat, the cat then chases the dog, my other cat charlie meows to go out, the dogs whine to go out, it's a frickin circus i should be charging pps to live with me for a day. god i could probably make money off of this, why didn't i think of this before?
5.) finally go back to sleep and sleep well past noon. ahhhhhhh. sleep.
6.) had to go and get groceries with hubby as he is away all week at work. this is always such a fun, bonding experience for us. NOT. god we fight the whole entire time. so not fun but i survived by bribing him with the bait of "Canadian Tire". needless to say he took it hook, line and sinker!
7.) arrived home yet again. no energy. nothing on t.v. should do something but can't/don't know what. mabye i'll just sit here on the couch and watch much music.
8.) dropped a big ass container of ice cream on my foot (mostly my three small toes) and let me just say that, that mofo frickin hurt like a sob and it's still throbbing! so ruined my whole dish of cookie dough ice cream. yummy. ice cream. toes hurt. ouch!
9.) so bored that i just had to come and blog about something
10.) sit here in my pj's yet again, bloated, full of ice cream and feeling like a fat ass. i'll so have to go jogging in the morning.
over and out
2.) pried my new baby kitty off of the back of my neck. the little spider monkey loves to climb up pps backs. all i can say is ouch make that a double ouch. my back is scratched all to pieces.
3.) wanted oh so badly to crawl back in bed and go to sleep but hubby decides that he wants to "wrestle" and "tickle" me until i cannot possbily take anymore. i almost died (seriousily)laughing so hard and i swear i saw the light but really i couldn't breathe and it was kinda freaky. hubby then finally decides to lay off when he discovers that i have turned blue.
4.) it's official all my pets are crazy. they are bad, bad bad pets who do not listen and mind and they drive me up the wall. the dogs chase the cat, the cat then chases the dog, my other cat charlie meows to go out, the dogs whine to go out, it's a frickin circus i should be charging pps to live with me for a day. god i could probably make money off of this, why didn't i think of this before?
5.) finally go back to sleep and sleep well past noon. ahhhhhhh. sleep.
6.) had to go and get groceries with hubby as he is away all week at work. this is always such a fun, bonding experience for us. NOT. god we fight the whole entire time. so not fun but i survived by bribing him with the bait of "Canadian Tire". needless to say he took it hook, line and sinker!
7.) arrived home yet again. no energy. nothing on t.v. should do something but can't/don't know what. mabye i'll just sit here on the couch and watch much music.
8.) dropped a big ass container of ice cream on my foot (mostly my three small toes) and let me just say that, that mofo frickin hurt like a sob and it's still throbbing! so ruined my whole dish of cookie dough ice cream. yummy. ice cream. toes hurt. ouch!
9.) so bored that i just had to come and blog about something
10.) sit here in my pj's yet again, bloated, full of ice cream and feeling like a fat ass. i'll so have to go jogging in the morning.
over and out
Saturday, August 13, 2005
me and my PJ's
so it's saturday, usually my happiest day of the week. the sun is shining out there and all i want to do is stay curled up in my bed in my pj's.
yeah i'm lazy, so what?
yeah, mabye i'm a little bummed out and depressed, but so what?
so i have no energy, no motovatation, nadda, to to anything, so what?
so i haven't showered in a couple of days, whop-iddy-do!
so what if i haven't swept the floor or done laundray in a couple of days,
so what if my house is a mess,
the dogs need walked,
i need to lose 10 pounds,
stop chewing my nails,
comb my hair & brush my teeth,
it all really doesn't matter today cause today is PJ day!
that's right i declare today PJ day and i'm leaving my pj's on until i feel like it (mabye not at all, who CARES!!!) but more than likely we will be going out later (at least i hope so) to hang with friends and get shit faced (which i sooooo could use).
so here i sit in my bright pink new pj's that i just bought yesterday. trying not to feel sorry for myself as i could probably be much worse off, but yet i still feel like crap. i'm worrying about bills, finding a good job and all that jazz. can i ever just relax a little. i think not.
~sigh~
in the meantime i think i'll just enjoy PJ day, cause everyone deserves one every now and then.
don't they????
yeah i'm lazy, so what?
yeah, mabye i'm a little bummed out and depressed, but so what?
so i have no energy, no motovatation, nadda, to to anything, so what?
so i haven't showered in a couple of days, whop-iddy-do!
so what if i haven't swept the floor or done laundray in a couple of days,
so what if my house is a mess,
the dogs need walked,
i need to lose 10 pounds,
stop chewing my nails,
comb my hair & brush my teeth,
it all really doesn't matter today cause today is PJ day!
that's right i declare today PJ day and i'm leaving my pj's on until i feel like it (mabye not at all, who CARES!!!) but more than likely we will be going out later (at least i hope so) to hang with friends and get shit faced (which i sooooo could use).
so here i sit in my bright pink new pj's that i just bought yesterday. trying not to feel sorry for myself as i could probably be much worse off, but yet i still feel like crap. i'm worrying about bills, finding a good job and all that jazz. can i ever just relax a little. i think not.
~sigh~
in the meantime i think i'll just enjoy PJ day, cause everyone deserves one every now and then.
don't they????
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
i'm frickin 25!
so my birthday was yesterday and i just cannot believe that i'm this old. in my mind's eye i still feel like mabye 20 or 21. where has my life gone? and worse, i have no clue what i want to do with my life.
dunno what to do job wise. should i continue as a "administrative assisant" and be un-happy the rest of my life or should i go back to school and better myself? the only problem with this is i draw a blank when i think of what i could go back to study/learn/become.
hmmmmm mabye a:
nurse,
business women,
advertising,
arts (na not all that creative.......),
definetely not legal (ha ha ha)
ummm fuck if i know
what to do, what to do
my mind is running in constant circles. why must i be so GD indecisive? so not fair. wish i had set goals for myself in high school and i so would not be going through all this trauma/drama right now i would be graduated from college and be making the big $$$ ha ha as if anything ever works out the way you want or plan. sigh. if only.
so i'm bored already. 3 days without work and i'm bored already. you would think that i would be sleeping in, relaxing, de-stressing. nope. not me. i'm up at like 8 in the morning ready to go. i got up and cleaned and touched up some paint spots early this morning. so not typical me. it's kinda my way that i deal with things though. if i'm upset or worried i clean. weird.
well it's another hot/humid day and i'm heading in to mom's here shortly to lay and lounge by the pool while i get a killer tan and some skin cancer. i love sun bathing even though it's so not good for you.
anyways. enjoy the week. see ya soon :)
dunno what to do job wise. should i continue as a "administrative assisant" and be un-happy the rest of my life or should i go back to school and better myself? the only problem with this is i draw a blank when i think of what i could go back to study/learn/become.
hmmmmm mabye a:
nurse,
business women,
advertising,
arts (na not all that creative.......),
definetely not legal (ha ha ha)
ummm fuck if i know
what to do, what to do
my mind is running in constant circles. why must i be so GD indecisive? so not fair. wish i had set goals for myself in high school and i so would not be going through all this trauma/drama right now i would be graduated from college and be making the big $$$ ha ha as if anything ever works out the way you want or plan. sigh. if only.
so i'm bored already. 3 days without work and i'm bored already. you would think that i would be sleeping in, relaxing, de-stressing. nope. not me. i'm up at like 8 in the morning ready to go. i got up and cleaned and touched up some paint spots early this morning. so not typical me. it's kinda my way that i deal with things though. if i'm upset or worried i clean. weird.
well it's another hot/humid day and i'm heading in to mom's here shortly to lay and lounge by the pool while i get a killer tan and some skin cancer. i love sun bathing even though it's so not good for you.
anyways. enjoy the week. see ya soon :)
Friday, August 05, 2005
shit storm
yup, this is the best way to describe my life at this moment in time.
shit storm
my family's latest word for our continous string of bad luck that just doesn't seem to be letting up.
the shit storm basically began when the St. Anne Nackawic mill closed down last September. my hubby, my dad and uncle Gary among many other families were affected. 400 + pps were left without a job. making it really hard financially on everyone & extra stress that we did not need.
then my grandmother passed away in november, which still hasn't really actually sunk in for me i still can't belive she's gone. some days i think she's still here and then other's it hits home and i have to cry. i miss her terribly & wish i could hear her laugh one more time. she had such an infectious laugh.
then in december my hubby's gram passed away like the week before x-mas. didn't see that one coming at all and it totally ruined the holiday.
couple of months later i lose my government job that i miss still today. wish i was still there and i miss all of the people i worked with. didn't really realize how good i had it there until i no longer had it.
in march i started job from hell at the call center in hartland. a very black time indeed for me. how i hated it there and how when i look back at it all i should have known from the interview that it was a messed up place to work in. but hey it was a learning experience and i at least got out of there.
my mom got injured at her work and had to be off for like two mohths due to her injury
my dad is still laid off waiting for the mill to re-open and praying that wheni t does he is one of the few who gets re-hired.
my cousin tommy (who is more like a brother to me) got injured on the job as well while working at Sabin cymbals and almost lost his hand. thankfully he didn't but he has a long road of physical therapy ahead.
my stupid cat mr. jynks had to go and get run over. god how i miss that damn cat.
had a weak moment on monday and wen't and got another kitten from crazy cat lady who had well over 50+ cats and felt sorry for the one that we brought home. there is something seriousily wrong with this cat as it is constantly shitting diehera that reaks unlike anything i have ever, ever smelled in my life. and it cannot seem to control it's bowles and there is always shit running out of it and ewwwwww. i'm taking it to the vet this afternoon and i'm hoping that it's just worms or something but if not i'm half considring taking it to the animal shelter as i just cannot handle the shit & smell. i've been keeping it in the basement and i feel horrible about doing that but it's better than having shit everywhere. oh and it hates, HATES the litter box and will not use it. god why do you let me make such dumb ass decisions??
wondering what's my latest bad news
well............................
i've been laid off from my job that i have only been at for mabye 3 months.
yup, that's right i'm un-employed. done. fin. didn't have to go to work today and don't have to go back even though he is paying me for 2 more wks of pay. my position has been discontinued and he is seeking someone with more experience to fill in for laura when she goes on her maternity leave in another couple of months. which i totally understand as it was taking me for-ever to figure out and learn the legal end and honestly i probably couldn't see myself there much longer anyways, but it still sucks ASS to be laid off. but at least i will qualify for EI if worst comes to worst which i'm sure it will as there are no jobs in Woodstock and i'm just feeling so sorry for myself today it's pathetic.
i know i should be thinking of the positive things and that when one door closes another always opens but it's just not really sinking home yet that i have no job.
ha ha ha ha ha
oh the joys that life throws at us!!!
i think i need therapy, i can't handle it anymore
shit storm
my family's latest word for our continous string of bad luck that just doesn't seem to be letting up.
the shit storm basically began when the St. Anne Nackawic mill closed down last September. my hubby, my dad and uncle Gary among many other families were affected. 400 + pps were left without a job. making it really hard financially on everyone & extra stress that we did not need.
then my grandmother passed away in november, which still hasn't really actually sunk in for me i still can't belive she's gone. some days i think she's still here and then other's it hits home and i have to cry. i miss her terribly & wish i could hear her laugh one more time. she had such an infectious laugh.
then in december my hubby's gram passed away like the week before x-mas. didn't see that one coming at all and it totally ruined the holiday.
couple of months later i lose my government job that i miss still today. wish i was still there and i miss all of the people i worked with. didn't really realize how good i had it there until i no longer had it.
in march i started job from hell at the call center in hartland. a very black time indeed for me. how i hated it there and how when i look back at it all i should have known from the interview that it was a messed up place to work in. but hey it was a learning experience and i at least got out of there.
my mom got injured at her work and had to be off for like two mohths due to her injury
my dad is still laid off waiting for the mill to re-open and praying that wheni t does he is one of the few who gets re-hired.
my cousin tommy (who is more like a brother to me) got injured on the job as well while working at Sabin cymbals and almost lost his hand. thankfully he didn't but he has a long road of physical therapy ahead.
my stupid cat mr. jynks had to go and get run over. god how i miss that damn cat.
had a weak moment on monday and wen't and got another kitten from crazy cat lady who had well over 50+ cats and felt sorry for the one that we brought home. there is something seriousily wrong with this cat as it is constantly shitting diehera that reaks unlike anything i have ever, ever smelled in my life. and it cannot seem to control it's bowles and there is always shit running out of it and ewwwwww. i'm taking it to the vet this afternoon and i'm hoping that it's just worms or something but if not i'm half considring taking it to the animal shelter as i just cannot handle the shit & smell. i've been keeping it in the basement and i feel horrible about doing that but it's better than having shit everywhere. oh and it hates, HATES the litter box and will not use it. god why do you let me make such dumb ass decisions??
wondering what's my latest bad news
well............................
i've been laid off from my job that i have only been at for mabye 3 months.
yup, that's right i'm un-employed. done. fin. didn't have to go to work today and don't have to go back even though he is paying me for 2 more wks of pay. my position has been discontinued and he is seeking someone with more experience to fill in for laura when she goes on her maternity leave in another couple of months. which i totally understand as it was taking me for-ever to figure out and learn the legal end and honestly i probably couldn't see myself there much longer anyways, but it still sucks ASS to be laid off. but at least i will qualify for EI if worst comes to worst which i'm sure it will as there are no jobs in Woodstock and i'm just feeling so sorry for myself today it's pathetic.
i know i should be thinking of the positive things and that when one door closes another always opens but it's just not really sinking home yet that i have no job.
ha ha ha ha ha
oh the joys that life throws at us!!!
i think i need therapy, i can't handle it anymore
Thursday, July 28, 2005
quickie
off to the island we ago. i'm so excited i cannot contain myself!!!
only 2 more hrs of work and i'm off to blissfull P.E.I. for four nights and five days!!!! heaven.
let's hope that the weather co-operates.
can't wait to see jilly & "M" to go to sandspit to go on the go-karts & one final trip to Rainbow Valley (even though we have no kids). sad to see this place go as we always wen't there when i was a little kid.
and the most important factor..........
the BEACH! omg. how i love the sand, the ocean, waves.............
~sigh~
cannot stand to wait any longer must go now!!! he he
take care pps i'm sure i'll have lot's of stories to tell when we get back!
i'm out
only 2 more hrs of work and i'm off to blissfull P.E.I. for four nights and five days!!!! heaven.
let's hope that the weather co-operates.
can't wait to see jilly & "M" to go to sandspit to go on the go-karts & one final trip to Rainbow Valley (even though we have no kids). sad to see this place go as we always wen't there when i was a little kid.
and the most important factor..........
the BEACH! omg. how i love the sand, the ocean, waves.............
~sigh~
cannot stand to wait any longer must go now!!! he he
take care pps i'm sure i'll have lot's of stories to tell when we get back!
i'm out
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Tequila!
i'm 24 years old (soon to be 25 in 3 weeks) and last night i did my first shot of Tequila. not the creames like baha rosa or whatever but the actual tequila where you lick the salt, take the shot and eat the lemon ~ shudders~
i always wanted to but was kinda scared and intimated as everyone always says how horrible it is and well quite frankly it tastes like dirty ass/dirty feet but the feeling of acomplishment and the rush of warmth to your stomache is just such a rush! anyways i just had to blog about it as it's a 1st time for something and i want to remember it & it was just funny the way it happend as jill had done one at the B&G and I said that i had never done one and Greg the owner of the bar was like really? and i was like yeah and he just couldn't belive it and so then everyone was like oh you have to try it and peer pressure and all and finally he was like i'll give it to you on the house. i think he just wanted to see me puke but anyways i did it and i didn't puke!! ha ha! yeah, that's my story. pretty lame. oh weel had to blog about something.
nobody is blogging lately. where the hell did everyone go? summer. that's where. everyone is outside, vacationing, at the lake, where ever and really i can't blame them. the summer is already half over & then some and the warm weather will probably only be here for mabye another month (cross our fingers) so get out there and enjoy it! but can't you blog at least once and awhile................geesh!
so i'm getting a little better about the whole cat thing. the first few days were really bad and i thought i kept seeing him everywhere. v. hard and difficult to deal with and it didn't help to see my other cat missing him to. it's still pretty raw and it hurts to think that i won't see him or hear his meow again but it's getting better. life moves on. the bitter endless cycle of life.
i get a break though this week as i asked for friday off as we new brunwickers have "new brunswick day" on August 1st hence a provincial holiday. so long weekend! yippe! hubby and i are planning to go to the island (prince edward island) to go camping and lounge on the beach for 4 days. cannot wait as we have not been there in four years. so anxious to hear the ocean & just relax and read good books on the beach. were going to be meeting up with jilly & "M" as they will be over there also. hoping the weather will be nice and sunny.
anyways i'm out for now :)
i always wanted to but was kinda scared and intimated as everyone always says how horrible it is and well quite frankly it tastes like dirty ass/dirty feet but the feeling of acomplishment and the rush of warmth to your stomache is just such a rush! anyways i just had to blog about it as it's a 1st time for something and i want to remember it & it was just funny the way it happend as jill had done one at the B&G and I said that i had never done one and Greg the owner of the bar was like really? and i was like yeah and he just couldn't belive it and so then everyone was like oh you have to try it and peer pressure and all and finally he was like i'll give it to you on the house. i think he just wanted to see me puke but anyways i did it and i didn't puke!! ha ha! yeah, that's my story. pretty lame. oh weel had to blog about something.
nobody is blogging lately. where the hell did everyone go? summer. that's where. everyone is outside, vacationing, at the lake, where ever and really i can't blame them. the summer is already half over & then some and the warm weather will probably only be here for mabye another month (cross our fingers) so get out there and enjoy it! but can't you blog at least once and awhile................geesh!
so i'm getting a little better about the whole cat thing. the first few days were really bad and i thought i kept seeing him everywhere. v. hard and difficult to deal with and it didn't help to see my other cat missing him to. it's still pretty raw and it hurts to think that i won't see him or hear his meow again but it's getting better. life moves on. the bitter endless cycle of life.
i get a break though this week as i asked for friday off as we new brunwickers have "new brunswick day" on August 1st hence a provincial holiday. so long weekend! yippe! hubby and i are planning to go to the island (prince edward island) to go camping and lounge on the beach for 4 days. cannot wait as we have not been there in four years. so anxious to hear the ocean & just relax and read good books on the beach. were going to be meeting up with jilly & "M" as they will be over there also. hoping the weather will be nice and sunny.
anyways i'm out for now :)
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Fare thee well Mr. Jynks
my baby kitty cat jynky has passed into another life and my heart is breaking. i'm so angry at myself as i knew the inevitible would happen and as fate would have it, it has.
last night a car hit my baby and left him at the end of our driveway. i should be greatful that he at least was un-marked and looked like himself but i just can't get over the fact that he's gone. i miss him terribly.
i miss his bushey little tail swishing when he walked, i miss the way that he would meow and talk to me, i miss the way that we would cuddle and snuggle in bed and how he loved me to rub his little white feet.
it's so weird because yesterday he was in pretty much all day and we had such a good "bonding" day. he rarely would snuggle with me lately as he was always outside and yet yesterday he did. i just wish that i could go back and not let him out. i can't belive i'm this up set just over a frickin cat but he was my cat, my baby and he would have been two in another month and i can't belive how badly this hurts. i can't stop crying and yet i'm so godamn angry at the same time.
i'm angry at jynky for not knowing better to get off the damn road, i'm angry at the person that hit him, i'm angry at hubby for letting him outside in the first place, i'm angry that it couldn't have been my other cat (as awful as it is to say, but it's true). i'm hoping that it will help to get all of this out cause i'm really not handling the whole greiving thing very well. everywhere i look i see him or want to see him sooo badly. and my other cat i think realizes that something is amiss and he's constantly howling looking for jynky.
i want to vomit,
i want to punch something,
i want to curl up in a ball and cry,
i want to laugh at the pure stupidity of all of this,
but most of all i want my baby kitty back
rest in peace jynky, mommy loves you
last night a car hit my baby and left him at the end of our driveway. i should be greatful that he at least was un-marked and looked like himself but i just can't get over the fact that he's gone. i miss him terribly.
i miss his bushey little tail swishing when he walked, i miss the way that he would meow and talk to me, i miss the way that we would cuddle and snuggle in bed and how he loved me to rub his little white feet.
it's so weird because yesterday he was in pretty much all day and we had such a good "bonding" day. he rarely would snuggle with me lately as he was always outside and yet yesterday he did. i just wish that i could go back and not let him out. i can't belive i'm this up set just over a frickin cat but he was my cat, my baby and he would have been two in another month and i can't belive how badly this hurts. i can't stop crying and yet i'm so godamn angry at the same time.
i'm angry at jynky for not knowing better to get off the damn road, i'm angry at the person that hit him, i'm angry at hubby for letting him outside in the first place, i'm angry that it couldn't have been my other cat (as awful as it is to say, but it's true). i'm hoping that it will help to get all of this out cause i'm really not handling the whole greiving thing very well. everywhere i look i see him or want to see him sooo badly. and my other cat i think realizes that something is amiss and he's constantly howling looking for jynky.
i want to vomit,
i want to punch something,
i want to curl up in a ball and cry,
i want to laugh at the pure stupidity of all of this,
but most of all i want my baby kitty back
rest in peace jynky, mommy loves you
Friday, July 15, 2005
one who slays birds
if i were a native american this would be my spirtual name assigned/given to me at birth. because i'm certain that the gods above damned me at birth to kill poor little helpless birds. and no i don't mean any offense to anyone that is native american.
this morning whilst driving to work singing to Gwen Stefani's song "cool" this little sparrow (i think) flew right into my on-coming piece of shit car in a nice little THUMP. i look behind me to see where it landed on the road only to note to myself that it has not been flung dead to the road leaving me only to suspect that it is stuck to the front of my car. EWWWW. continuing on my way (still singing) i seem to forget all about hitting this little creature, funny how easy the mind likes to erase things. i arrive at work thinking to myself only 8 more hours to go, please god get me through this day quickly and painlessly only to get out and sure enough this dad bird is stuck on the front of my car. by now my mind is racing and sreaming OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT but yet at the same time my hand is reaching out ever so slowly to pull it's little wing free from the hood of my car...................
OH MY GOD EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
i fling the little thing across our parking lot in a shudder, straighten up and go in to work like nothing happend at all. only now as i sit here typing this am i recalling what happend this morning. how could i possibly blank out the trauma from this?? v. weird.
sadly my friends this is not the only time this has occured to me. there was this one time with my mom (who was driving) that a sea gull practicly came through the windshield, and another time where i hit a crow...........this is so wrong and it keeps happening to me. i tell you i'm CURSED!!
dun dun dun
in other exciting news besides my bird trauma......
I PASSED! yes, i passed my stupid commisioner of oaths test for work, thank you sweet jesus! a ton of bricks has been removed from my back.
piece of shit car is up & running again but sadly is still not totally repaired, also had to replace a shock on hubbies truck but luckily that was covered under warranty. phew!
growing ever more excited about the stones concert in september. CAN'T WAIT! i will actually have 4 days off in a row. OH MY GOD. my body will probably go into shock.
we are in for a beautiful sunny warm weekend. hoping to spend most of it by mom & dad's pool.
i'm out
this morning whilst driving to work singing to Gwen Stefani's song "cool" this little sparrow (i think) flew right into my on-coming piece of shit car in a nice little THUMP. i look behind me to see where it landed on the road only to note to myself that it has not been flung dead to the road leaving me only to suspect that it is stuck to the front of my car. EWWWW. continuing on my way (still singing) i seem to forget all about hitting this little creature, funny how easy the mind likes to erase things. i arrive at work thinking to myself only 8 more hours to go, please god get me through this day quickly and painlessly only to get out and sure enough this dad bird is stuck on the front of my car. by now my mind is racing and sreaming OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT but yet at the same time my hand is reaching out ever so slowly to pull it's little wing free from the hood of my car...................
OH MY GOD EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
i fling the little thing across our parking lot in a shudder, straighten up and go in to work like nothing happend at all. only now as i sit here typing this am i recalling what happend this morning. how could i possibly blank out the trauma from this?? v. weird.
sadly my friends this is not the only time this has occured to me. there was this one time with my mom (who was driving) that a sea gull practicly came through the windshield, and another time where i hit a crow...........this is so wrong and it keeps happening to me. i tell you i'm CURSED!!
dun dun dun
in other exciting news besides my bird trauma......
I PASSED! yes, i passed my stupid commisioner of oaths test for work, thank you sweet jesus! a ton of bricks has been removed from my back.
piece of shit car is up & running again but sadly is still not totally repaired, also had to replace a shock on hubbies truck but luckily that was covered under warranty. phew!
growing ever more excited about the stones concert in september. CAN'T WAIT! i will actually have 4 days off in a row. OH MY GOD. my body will probably go into shock.
we are in for a beautiful sunny warm weekend. hoping to spend most of it by mom & dad's pool.
i'm out
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
holy mofo
i don't know if it's the heat or if i'm just simply a bitch but lately things seem to be not so going my way and totally rubbing me the wrong way.
examples:
piece of shit car. it's never ending, repairs, repairs, repairs $ $ $. nough said
i need to study for this thing that i need to do for work and do you think i can make myself. hell no. but yet at the same time i'm stressing my brain out fretting about this freaking TEST! I hated school and tests!!!!! I could never study, EVER like i'm going to now. stupid, stupid, stupid that's me.
wen't to have my hair cut & highlighted tonight only to discover that my hairdresser only booked me for a cut. no highlights, which I am in desperate, desperate need of as my roots are well over an inch long now. found out that she won't be able to get me in again until 3 frickin weeks! how am i supposed to go this long i ask? guess i'll just have to look like a complete total dork for the next month. GREAT
where my piece of shit car is down and out for the count right now i have been driving hubbies big ass tank of a truck to work, only to suffer several jokes from fellow co-workers and lots of stares while driving. i feel like i'm driving a tank for godsakes it doesn't help to have pps stare. the only bonus to this situation is that the truck has air conditioning.
not only is piece of shit care costing us lot's of $ but we had to replace the battery in the truck last weekend.........like we needed this also
got suckered to go wheelin & fishing (which i sooooo did not want to do) on sunday. hubby whined and dined and got his way. i did enjoy myself (minus the allergies, grass & pollen is just brutal!) to some extent but i would have much rather loungd by the pool all afternoon gossiping with jilly but sadly no. instead i fried my frickin shoulder & neck on one side (yeah i really look like a freak with dark brown roots & one side all red! ha ha) which hurts like a son of a bitch and to make matters worse while driving my "tank" to work the seat belt rubs and chafes my neck all to hell which makes it hurt a lot worse.
i so didn't know how to spell chafe and i so just looked it up in the dictionary. god i'm a loser.
had an old fart in a beat up pick up pull right out in front of me this morning and i so wanted to run into him and run him off the road. is this normal? i think i need therapy.
really disgusted lately as this is my third summer in a row that I am unable to take any vacation/time off of work. so not fair and all this nice weather lately is not helping matters. i should be truly grateful that i have a good job and all but man being a new employee sucks ass.
finally weighted myself the other night and i'm not even going there right now...............
i think i'm either:
a) ready to explode from all my anger/tension
b) ready to be commited to a looney bin
c) withdraw from my mind and become comotose
d) severally hurt someone else
e) all of the above
take your pick
examples:
piece of shit car. it's never ending, repairs, repairs, repairs $ $ $. nough said
i need to study for this thing that i need to do for work and do you think i can make myself. hell no. but yet at the same time i'm stressing my brain out fretting about this freaking TEST! I hated school and tests!!!!! I could never study, EVER like i'm going to now. stupid, stupid, stupid that's me.
wen't to have my hair cut & highlighted tonight only to discover that my hairdresser only booked me for a cut. no highlights, which I am in desperate, desperate need of as my roots are well over an inch long now. found out that she won't be able to get me in again until 3 frickin weeks! how am i supposed to go this long i ask? guess i'll just have to look like a complete total dork for the next month. GREAT
where my piece of shit car is down and out for the count right now i have been driving hubbies big ass tank of a truck to work, only to suffer several jokes from fellow co-workers and lots of stares while driving. i feel like i'm driving a tank for godsakes it doesn't help to have pps stare. the only bonus to this situation is that the truck has air conditioning.
not only is piece of shit care costing us lot's of $ but we had to replace the battery in the truck last weekend.........like we needed this also
got suckered to go wheelin & fishing (which i sooooo did not want to do) on sunday. hubby whined and dined and got his way. i did enjoy myself (minus the allergies, grass & pollen is just brutal!) to some extent but i would have much rather loungd by the pool all afternoon gossiping with jilly but sadly no. instead i fried my frickin shoulder & neck on one side (yeah i really look like a freak with dark brown roots & one side all red! ha ha) which hurts like a son of a bitch and to make matters worse while driving my "tank" to work the seat belt rubs and chafes my neck all to hell which makes it hurt a lot worse.
i so didn't know how to spell chafe and i so just looked it up in the dictionary. god i'm a loser.
had an old fart in a beat up pick up pull right out in front of me this morning and i so wanted to run into him and run him off the road. is this normal? i think i need therapy.
really disgusted lately as this is my third summer in a row that I am unable to take any vacation/time off of work. so not fair and all this nice weather lately is not helping matters. i should be truly grateful that i have a good job and all but man being a new employee sucks ass.
finally weighted myself the other night and i'm not even going there right now...............
i think i'm either:
a) ready to explode from all my anger/tension
b) ready to be commited to a looney bin
c) withdraw from my mind and become comotose
d) severally hurt someone else
e) all of the above
take your pick
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