Wednesday, January 05, 2005

oh the stupidity

I've recently been pondering some of the extremely stupid, immature off the wall things that my "hubby" does. He may be four years older than me but I believe he stills likes to think of himself as a teenager or worse a child of like 3. Here's a list of some of the things that come to mind at this moment in time:

1.) when my husband gets totally hammered I mean like 3 sheets to the wind kind of drunk he gets really destrustive and devious. Some examples, this one time we were at our local beer store and they had a slushy machine by the front where you pay he reaches over and pulls all of the wires off of the back of the machine, I look at him like what the fuck and he doesn't even realize what he did or who I am. Also another time we were at our local B&G and he pulls the fire extinguisher and there's smoke all over the damn bar and no one can see shit. Yeah this is what I have to put up with. Like where the hell does this come from? My new nickname for him is Jeckyl and Hyde because if you know my husband during the day or when he's not drunk he's nothing like this and he barely says hello to anyone, so not the case when he's drunk, he's loud, mouthy, he swears (worse than me, imagine!), totally weird & so typical him.

2.) Farts, oh my god you think he would soooo be over this by no but no not my husband. He will deliberatly eat certain foods to obtain the most disgusting stench in the whole wide world. His meals of choice: tomato soup, grill cheese, salt and finger chips with ketchup, chocolate milk combine these all together through one day and it's a war zone in my home. I cannot begin to explain the smell it's so grose and reeks of tomato and it's just nasty. He loves it when they stink and he also gets great pleasure if they are loud. I've never seen anyone laugh and tee he like him when it comes to farts.


3.) He has a weird fear of phones. His mother must have done everything for him cause I can never ever get him to answer or call anyone on the phone. He'll be sitting right beside it and won't bother answering it...totally pisses me off.

4.) The man eats like a spoiled little 4-5 year old. His main source of food consists of potatoes, french fries, chicken, chiken nuggets and the occasional hamburger. He eats really bad unhealthy food and does not gain a pound, he's probably skinner and weighs less than me (at the moment that is so true and it makes me hate him a little) and like any typical little kid he loves KETCHUP and it had better be Heinz or you'll never hear the end of it. I litterally buy a huge mofo container of this stuff every week and every week it's gone that's how much he eats ketchup and I never hardly ever use the stuff. I can't get him to try anything new and he detests fruit & vegetables the only fruit I think I have ever seen him eat is an apple.

5.) Christmas - i have touched on this briefly in other posts but the man is a child for the whole month of December. I enjoy the holiday season but he takes it to a whole new level. He lights right up and gets all happy and I can't explain it but it's funny. You can't say anything against christmas and he gets totally offended. He also would totally love me forever if I someday would buy him is very own remote control car from radio shack, in fact he's even gone so far as to say that we should have kids just so he can play with all of the toys and stuff. I can just get the mental picture of a christmas morning of him and my son and it scares me to death, no wonder I don't want to have kids.....

6.) Guns and Roses (the band) - my husband is OBSESSED with this band and he vows/belives that someday axl will come back and it will be like they never left the music world. He has every CD and I bought him the Greatest Hits collection for x-mas (why I don't really know because he's been playing it non-stop). You cannot say anything bad about this band to him or he gets all defensive and mad and god forbid you talk about Velvet Revolver in front of him....that's a whole other can of worms

7.) Talking toys & toys in general (ties in with X-mas but deserves it's own section) - give him a gift certificate to radio shack or toys r us and he would be in heaven. He loves little gimmick things like remote control cars, talking homer dolls dressed up as santa (he bought this one for me for christmas but he really bought it for himself), singing fish you name it he loves it and he'll sit and laugh and laugh til no end.

8.) poop - he is fascinated about poop, I guess this should be in with the farting section but I didn't think of it til now. I mean how and why would you want to share your poop with anyone. This is so childish and so my husband that I just ignore him now when he leaves the bathroom door wide open and keeps calling me to come and "smell" his poop. Umm no I don't want to and i'm never going to want to so get over this please.

Now don't get me wrong I do love my hubby with all of my heart I just felt like making fun of him today and what's wrong with a little picking? He does it to me all the time and I had to vent out somewhere's......well mabye not here but it's a good laugh at least for me. Sorry hun just had to pick on you today :) This also proves my theory that women are the better sex and we are way more mature than men. Well that's about all for today I should try to do something productive this afternoon i'm back at the office that I hate and it has been somewhat busy but nothing really urgent or really anything to do besides the mail. At least the afternoon is going by fast though.

I'm proud of myself today as I am sticking to my new year's resolution that I need to get fit and lose weight ~ I got my 2nd day in at CURVES and I got weighed and measured (even though I really didn't want to know how much weight I had put on..) I've gained like 8-9 pounds since april 2004, the lady was like well you must have put it on slowly....uh huh yeah that's not helping thanks you can go to hell now. So here's to a new year and a new brunette me!!

~h~

1 comment:

Jilly said...

Just had to comment on this one... I really hope that Nathan doesn't read this or he will cry! What we should really do is get the Camcorder out and tape him on his next big drunk, and make him watch it the next day! That would be too funny!