a few realizations about myself

This past weekend was a typical regular weekend for me but I had a few "realizations" pointed out by hubby as well as some deep thinking about myself, mabye I was too bored or mabye i'm going thru a kind of 20's mid life crisis....i dunno but i'm not really liking what I have discovered.

I'm lazy ~ i've always known this down on a deeper level but it's fully dawning on me now how lazy I am. When the weekend comes along I don't feel like doing shit, no house work, no laundry, no nothing. I do try to muster a little bit of energy to try to do a little but I don't get very far. This past weekend I did do a couple loads of laundry and some dishes that's about it....sad very sad.

I'm a napper ~ my husband pointed this one out to me yesterday and I was not impressed, in fact he really pissed me off, but the more I thought about it the more it bugged me. I am the type of person that I can't sleep in on a good day so I get up early, do a few things, watch t.v. whatever and then I want to go back to bed around 11:00 or later in the day. I enjoy just dozing or even just curling up under the blankets and this really annoys my hubby. Yesterday was probably the first semi warm winter day that we have had in weeks and he wanted me to go outside and do something fun and wintery, but I wanted nothing of it. I was curled up with a good book and I really didn't want to go out. So we argued and so forth and then he said "I've seen the future and I don't like it". WTF?? What's that supposed to mean? He then called me my mother (which was quite a blow) and continued to hound me until I finally said i'm not going out now leave me alone. So he finally left, and there I lie thinking how lazy can I possibly be, and mabye I shouldn't be sleeping in the afternoon but it feels so nice and cozy and the next thing I know i'm out and I don't come to until after 5:00 pm.

I'm a snacker ~ most days I do alright at least thru the week I do anyways but when the weekend hits watch out. I munch and munch and then munch some more. I can't seem to find anything that satisfies my hunger and then I look in the mirror and I hate myself. I hate the way my body feels, I hate the way I look and I swear myself off of food and then 2 hrs later i'm snacking again ~ which hubby points out yet again and i'm not happy all over again. Endless cycle

I'm a whiner ~ I constantly whine and complain about something or other. Usually it's about my headaches, stomache aches, muscle aches ~ whatever ~ I whine about it. The worst part about this is I know I do it but yet I continue on and on. Why?? Don't understand this one.

I'm paranoid ~ I'm paranoid about my job, i'm paronoid about people talking about me behind my back, I often wonder what people think of me. I shouldn't really give a crap about this stuff but I do and it runs through my mind at least half a dozen times a day. I'll be going along good all happy and la de da and BAM a negative paranoid thought pops into my head and ruins my day all to hell.

I'm a crab ASS ~ After going from happy to hell i'm generally in a pissy mood most of the time. My new nickname for myself is "Crabby Abby" and i've even told my mother that she has named me the wrong name I should have been an Abby, not that I like the name but it fits. So pretty much most of the time i'm crabby and irritable and I really don't know how my husband can stand living with me on a good day let alone a bad one, so I realize how much the man must love me or mabye he's just to scared to say that he doesn't cause I would seriousily lay some serious hurt on the poor boy.

I'm off track as I lost my train of thinking I keep getting interupted and forgetting what I was getting at. So I may as well call it quits here even though i'm sure I can think of some more things about myself. I guess I really haven't been liking myself lately and this needs to change, and i'm not really sure how to go about it. I feel like i'm on the verge of something and I just don't know what it is. I hate getting older and I hate being an adult and trying to figure and make everything right.......life sucks....and to top it all off it's Monday, oh how I hate mondays.