Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Straight from the Hip

Ok here's a few things that I have had run through my mind lately and I'm wondering if i'm alone on all of this. They are a little wacky and weird but their either thoughts and actions that i've been through recently. Take your guess as to what's what. Here goes....

Have you ever been extremely tired and gotten ready for bed (brushed your teeth, washed your face, gone to the bathroom and all that stuff)read for a few minutes then shut the light of and ahhhh! feels so nice but then i'm all of a sudden not so tired and I lay there and lay there and i'm not going to sleep. This is one of those times that I only doze in and out and it seems that I see every hour on my alarm clock. Every hour that I see I think ok I have 4 more hours to sleep or only 1 hour more hour to sleep and then I have to get up. This is so frustrating and irritating that i'm totally pissed off by the time I haul my sorry ass out of bed. What a way to start the day don't you think.

Have you ever been driving along on the highway (again related to being over tired or on drugs take your pick, in my case it's tired...) at night time and suddenly you see a weird type of shape along the side of the road ahead of you. My mind immediately forms the shape to be some type of whild life (usually a moose) and I think oh my god I'm going to hit this thing and I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!! And then you drive by it and it's only a harmless little spruce tree.....

Have you ever had a huge craving and been unable to satisify it? I had one of these the other night. We just got groceries and we got all kinds of sweets and candies and all that good stuff so when we finally get home my mouth and stomache is just itching to eat. So what should I start with hmmmm how bout that dill pickle and then mabye some pop corn and oh I should have a piece of that chocolate cake only to eat all of this and still be hungry an hour later. My husband looks over at me after all of this and asks me do you think you could possibly eat anything else? My reply was simply go to hell and I wen't and had a slice of homemade bread with butter on it......

Have you ever had really bad gas and thought your insides were rotting out? Once consuming all of the junk mentioned above I have been sufering from horrible bouts of serious gas and I mean this stuff really, REALLY smells bad. Their is no ingoring this. It's kinda a combination of rotting eggs and dill pickles all in one, actually that does not do it justice. Luckily it didn't hit me until on my way home last night in the car but today at work, not so good, I let one slip out thinking i'm in the clear no one around when a co-worker pops out from around the corner like HEY HERE I AM type of thing. I know she must have smelled it, thank god I had someone here making a payment who was kinda smelly himself so I think she just assumed it was him.... he he he to funny

Have you ever had a piece of food stuck in your teeth or seen someone who had something stuck in their's and not said anything to them? The most I have ever had stuck in my teeth was a piece of pepper once and luckily at the time I had a nice boss that was straight up and honest about everything so she's like, you got something in your teeth and it was all good. Could there possibly be anything groser than this...(well actually yes see next mention)seeing someone with a piece of lettuce or garlic in their teeth is just nasty.

Have you ever had someone catch you picking your nose in public? I myself will only tend to do this in private (you just have to get them out, sorry but you know everyone does it too even if they say they don't). My worst memory of an incident that totally makes me wanna gag and I just have to share it with all of you. Just picture a typical snowy stormy day for the Maritimes, fairly quite cold out when I have one of our clients pop into our office. This was an older gentlemen who I belive did have a handicap or at least not mentally well. He's not well off as a lot of our clients are and he was not entirely clean either. Now i'm generally not an overly observerant person but I noticed this right away (shudders) he had quite a face full of snot from the cold and hanging or I should day dangling from this gentlemen's nose was quite the bogger let me tell you. I was MORTIFIED what the hell am I supposed to say and how can he not feel it!!! I tried my best not to look but he kept snuffing and ewww I can't take anymore please leave! I finally got rid of the man but the memory as you can see still haunts me today. Please carry kleenax with you at all times people - PLEASE

Have you ever done a Number 1 or Number 2 in your pants (being older than 2) in public? This is something that sometimes you just can't control, when you gotta go you gotta go. I will share my story first and then one of a family members who i'm sure will disown me for sharing this but it's just to funny!! Ok mine first, he he not really funny but I have the giggles. I recently was working at my part time job in the evening and I was still re-couperating from a bout of the flu (the diherea kind that is) and I was sitting in our staff room taking my break when I had a little bout of gas so I let er rip (nobody around might as well) and a little more than that decided to come out...all I can say is thank god there was a bathroom nearby and not to much of a mess was made. The next story takes place in a shopping mall, you see they had been out shopping all day and were just finishing off at the local K-mart or Zellers (can't remember which) when the poop cramps hit. At first she just kept brushing it off but she finally realized that she needed to find a bathroom and NOW. There was no bathroom to be found and not really anything she could do, cause here it comes. How humiliating, what the hell is she supposed to do now? She eventually did find the wash room and ended up buying a new package of panties and threw the other ones out. Not really funny if I put myself in her place......well mabye still a little funny he he he we still tease her to this day every time she goes near a K-mart or Zellers.

I don't think I can top that one for right now. Please feel free to share your points of view and or embarssing situations as well. It only gets better if you share them. Take care all & i'll see you tommorrow.



Jilly said...

I don't have anything to top those, but I kept remembering the time I ate KFC and how we ended up at Sears and i had to run really fast thru the store to find a bathroom.. That was a close one.. Whew

TSC Andrew said...

I have another one for you.....Have you ever found out soooo much information about someone that you have rolled back in your chair and just sat there stunned and said.....HOLY SHIT!!!!