Monday, December 20, 2004

"Bring on the Food"

Here's an e-mail that I recently received, thought I would share it here instead of forwarding it to everyone. I will talk more about it & food after you read it.

Holiday Eating Tips......

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread these tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

I really liked this and at the time I received it last week I really needed the laugh. I don't know what it is about any of the holidays Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving even big family get together's like a funeral or wedding there is always tons and tons of food. You can't resist it even if you try, there is always something that calls to you and once you start you cannot stop. You pick up a little bit of this and that and you are constantly munching on something.

The Christmas season is the worst though, the whole entire month you are tempted by chocolates, sweets, fruit, whatever, someone is always bringing something to work or at home. It's no wonder my pants have been tighter....sigh. Guess I will worry about that when January comes around. Christmas is only once a year and you might as well enjoy it ~ right?


Jodi said...

I love love love food. I have terrible eating habits and eat whatever I want, whenever I'm hungry. Granted, this has helped to me lose weight over the past couple of years, but also means that I eat like crap a whole lot too. I've actually lost 6 pounds over the past month, but I'm sure that will find it's place again over the holidays :) I really like the list - goes along with all my holiday eating beliefs!

flea said...

Hey Jodi, I know it really sticks with a lot of my beliefs too. You've lost 6 pounds in a month, that's amazing I need to take a page from your book. Course I shouldn't really complain I pretty much stay at the same weight, give or take a few pounds but I would like to at least lose 5 pounds (I have for like a year, and it's still here....). My main problem is that some days I hardly eat anything and then other days look out, it's munching time. And I love, love to snack, popcorn, chips and all that stuff I love it.